Graduating High School – Don’t Push to Hard about College

Graduating high school: Is it the day that all parents eagerly look forward to, proud of their accomplishment in getting their child to this point in life? Or is it the day that parents dread? After all, once your child graduates high school, they are empowered with enormous freedoms of choice. They often move out of the home, some going far away to college, while others take that huge leap into the great big world—fending for themselves, finding their first ‘real’ job, and looking for places to live. No matter what plans your child has after high school, graduation marks a new era in their life and a new chapter in your own parenting journey.

Embracing Change and Growth

Perhaps the most common feeling among parents when their child graduates high school is that they just don’t feel ready. Their child still looks and feels so childlike. Most kids are around the age of 18, which makes them barely an adult and definitely not a child. Suddenly, their choices and the consequences for them are no longer seen as merely a phase of testing wild oats or immaturity. Parents can no longer protect them from everything. You’ve watched your child grow from a baby into the person they are now, and although you knew all along they were getting bigger, they never stopped being your child. This feeling is not unlike what your own parents likely had for you. And there’s a good chance that even now, when you’re with your mom or dad, you still feel like a child—no matter how old you are.

For your child, graduating high school can be terrifying. Suddenly, everyone is asking them what their plans are. What do they want to study in college? Where do they want to live? How will they make money? The questions are endless, and even though graduation coaches, teachers, and parents like you have tried to prepare them for the future, the reality is that they are still greenhorns in life. They have no idea. If they do have an idea, it’s subject to change at any moment. Even so, the best-laid plans don’t always work out. As a parent, you hope it won’t be like that for your child. But in some deep part of yourself, you know that no matter what, your child’s life will be just like everyone else’s—full of twists and turns, disappointments and triumphs. It will be full of changed minds and ideas that rise and fall as quickly as the sun. Trying too hard to protect them from this process doesn’t allow them to gain valuable life experience and prevents them from trusting their own purpose in life—whatever that may be.

Sure, you think you know the path to success for your child. You are pretty sure you can guide them down the right road to securing a phenomenal future, if only they would listen to you. Yet, at some point, when your child graduates high school, you have to allow them to figure it out on their own. Instead of pointing out the flaws in their plans and dreams, let them develop a taste for adversity. Allow them to experience disappointment and acquire perseverance in life. This will make them more flexible and resilient, helping them to own their accomplishments and failures as they come. No child at this age should still be relying on their parents for everything. If you have made your child self-reliant, the time has come to cut the cord. If you don’t, your child is in for a disastrous life that will never truly be their own.

Another idea to consider is allowing your child to live a little before chauffeuring them off to your alma mater. Sure, you have dreams and envision them walking down the same hallways you once did. But what if someone had given you the advice to travel a bit? There’s a good chance you might have experienced things in life that you now wish you had. In other words, your child’s life so far has been full of teachers and parents directing their path. They’ve been taught to set aside their own passions and desires in favor of a life that meets certain societal standards of responsibility. But what about living for the sake of living? There is nothing wrong with a child graduating high school who wants to travel, see the world, and figure out what they want to do in life. There is nothing wrong with them joining a foreign mission or embarking on an adventure they might never have otherwise had the chance to experience. Opportunities like this are rare once you become an adult with a spouse, mortgage, or children. So why not let them capitalize on their freedom for a while?

Children are unique, and each has their own plan after high school. Most of the time, it’s a combination of their parents’ expectations and what they feel is right for them. However, they are still so young. Yet, they are old enough to take care of themselves in many ways. At this stage in their life, there isn’t necessarily one path to happiness and success. As a parent of a child who has just graduated high school, take a moment to reflect on your own life. Consider the things you missed out on and the potential you may have overlooked to please others. Don’t let this happen to your child. Encourage them to keep their heart above their head a little longer and gain life experience that will help them evolve into full-fledged adults who live by their own rules. Certainly, offer advice when necessary—but mostly, empower your child to spread their wings and fly. Alone!