Hating Where You Live – Is it Time for a Move?

Check out Facebook or Twitter updates on a daily basis and it is obvious that millions of people, adults with free will – are stuck with the heavy and isolated feeling of hating where they live. They reminisce about the old days with warmer (or colder) weather, snow (or not) on Christmas and the availability of conveniences (or not) of shopping centers and grocery stores.

Each year, millions of families uproot and leave places familiar to them to plant trees so to speak in new places. It could be because of new employment, family reasons or innumerous other reasons. It all boils down to one thing, people move. Often and rapidly. Gone are the days where extended families live in one central location only moving to a new subdivision or to the outskirts of town where houses are cheaper – remaining close to the family circle. The popular trend for the past 30 years has people going to college away from home and scoping out landscapes that are far different from the ones that they grew up in. Luckily technology makes it easier than ever to stay in touch with this transient nature and many families do not feel the disconnect that can be caused. However – there are still plenty of people who hate where they live.

The question then is why do they stay? How long should they really give a new place before deciding that a change in geography is needed? And how can you make the most of your life even though you feel vacated by a zip code?

Most of the time people stay put despite their inklings of disdain because they have to. They live where their job is, or they live where their ailing parents are. So, they stay stuck and rooted the entire time. If you have a family and hate where you live, chances are you stay for the kids. You don’t want to take them to a new school or disrupt their friendships. You might stay because you have no idea how to start again, or because staying is all you have ever known. Some people sadly, stay and complain – because they want to blame their unhappiness on something tangible that exists outside of themselves. And hating where you live is the answer. This way, you can curse the small town, groan about the traffic, bitch about the neighbors without ever realizing where your unhappiness truly comes from. You can also constantly hate the weather where you live and blame it for your bad mood – despite the fact that your ideal temperatures probably exist not too very far from where you live now. In other words, staying is the easy part. Making changes, proactive and positive ones that include moving and making your dreams come true are hard.

In many homes, couples make a choice of where to live which can leave the one-half of the whole resentful. If you live in your husband or wife’s hometown, it can be easy to feel like you don’t fit in and to see the negative side of everything. And this is something that can eventually damage the relationship.

Here’s the thing. Changing where you are doesn’t change who you are. Most of the people stuck hating where they leave or feeling like they don’t belong, won’t feel any better by changing their area. In fact, they will just feel worse and more let down by life. The problem isn’t normally outside of us, but within us. Each of you has a choice to seize the day or to allow it to seize you, no matter where you live. If you seem to find things wrong with the weather, the people, the traffic, the schools and every other aspect of life where you live – you will likely carry these animosities with you. Perhaps you just haven’t given your new place enough of a chance. This is very often the case with people who hate where they live and were forced to live there.

Before you decide that where you live is the problem, make sure that you get yourself out and about. Research your interests and try to find like-minded people in your new town who share your passions. Rather than simply see a new place, with different rituals or traditions as odd and hokey, open your mind to new opportunity. Look for people that add something to your life and try to make friends. If you have moved for employment or family – start there by trying to be a friend, to find a friend. In other words, don’t just X a place off the map because it wasn’t your first choice. When you open your mind to all aspects of a new place (or an old one) you might just be surprised what you find. Consider the law of attraction that says like attracts like. Could it be that you have been attracting all these bad experiences to you?

Another thing to consider is the old saying, Bloom where you’re planted! One of the best things about being a human being is that we aren’t confined or defined by where we live. Hating where you live and focusing on that and only that, never allows you room to bloom into who you are. Although cliché, it is good to approach life with the attitude that everything happens for a reason. What is your reason for being where you are? What is it you are supposed to learn or accomplish right here right now. If you leave too soon, you just might find that the problems follow you. A very wise man once said, “No matter where YOU go….there YOU are!” Definitely something to think about if you are one of the millions stuck hating where they live.

52 thoughts on “Hating Where You Live – Is it Time for a Move?”

  1. My enormous energy bills, tiger mosquitoes, 108 degree weather in June with stifling humidity beg to differ. If I take my children outside, even playing with water and eating popsicles, we get overheated fast and have to seek shelter in the 88 degrees my old house is able to maintain in summer weather. And bugs love it. Palmetto bugs in the palmetto state, flying American cockroaches. The monopolistic power companies here (arguably most unfair business practices in the southeast) gouge us relentlessly. Summer, more summer, fall, three weeks of wintrr, one week of spring, then back to summer. Don’t see any dogs out. Elderly people walking. It is oppressive. I look for ways to cope with feelings of hating being stuck somewhere and all I can find is this sort of “it’s not you, it’s the place”… I’ve lived elsewhere. And I can definitely tell you it is the place.

    1. 100%. I was a million times happier in my itt bitty old studio in the city. Nearto shops near to various sport events. Easy to clean.

      I have been nothing but miserable in country bumpkin hellhole land with a house that constantly needs fixing horrific commute costs and time frames and neighbours who still have their minds in 1950.

    2. Liz, you also could be in SC. The heat is relentless in the summer and add the high humidity and it’s unbearable. And I despise those damn ” Palmetto bugs”.as I’ve been told. Those are roaches and I just about have a heart attack when one shows up in my house. I’ve treated inside and out and still they get in. If I knew where to go, I’d pack myself a suitcase, take my dog and away we would go. It’s not you, it’s this state.

  2. Maybe if u are 22…not if are older and know what u like. I am stuck in south fl until my lease is up and can’t wait to get out of this place. I’ve lived allover the country in other cities without problem….so I know it’s the city, the culture, the weather…can’t stand it. I’m laughing bc the person above looks like they are in fl also. Trust us. It’s terrible here.

    1. I’m in south florida too and I’m MISERABLE here!!!! I’ve lived in CA, AZ and europe and have NEVER been this MISERABLE in a place!! I’m STUCK int this horrid swamp until I fix my financial situation. I can’t afford to move!!! 🙁 I’m an outdoors person but cannot do anything outdoors in the muggy h*ll hole. Every day all I can think about is the day I can escape!

  3. I hate where I live, too. I didn’t grow up in a single location (or country, for that matter) for very long. I miss being the stranger in a new culture. It erodes at my soul and, I’m certain, has added to a deep depression that I’ve not been able to shake for years (in spite of meds, therapy, exercise, friends, etc.) Often, I say to myself “I hope I don’t die here.” Sadly, my mental health and physical health deteriorate in near equal proportion. My financial state of security is controlled by others. I have no way out, it seems.

    1. Take your controllers to court. Or just leave and get a job someplace else. Dissapear off their radar. Research bith options. If you choose to remain attached to these people and “your” finances, you are making a choice. You can also choose to be free. Make a plan, and good luck.

  4. I live on the west coast of Canada. I was born on the East coast. We moved out west for work, well my husband did. He is now successful in his goals while I am not, I lost my job earlier this year. I don’t like where I live I have no friends and no family, he has family but I seem to not get along with them since I don’t share the same lifestyle. The crime rate is high and it is scary just to drive around the city

  5. I live in what i consider the 7th circle of hell. Bluffton, SC. We are in an oppressive heat and humidity regime where I long for a cold winter day where a jacket is required. We live in a dry belt where coastal rains miss us and sea breeze showers form about 1-2 miles west of us every freaking afternoon and back fill to the west consistently. We average 20″ less a year of rain than pretty much every where else within 5 miles of us. The sun is my mortal enemy and I hate it. I work outside and have never been to a place this miserable. (sorry, Florida is cool compared to this place when we visit Disneyworld in the summer.) I am really to the point where I have told my wife and son that I am close to just throwing a bag of clothes in my truck and just driving NW. This place is either rich yankees who live in gated plantations or “the workers” they turn their noses up at. I have often reflected on whether this is just me or does this place really suck and apologies to the OP but THIS PLACE SUCKS!!!!

  6. I dont deny i have many personal problems but i think living in certain locations massivley magnifies them.

    I was indifferent to my surroundings and social ineptitude in one sphere i new i had problems but things where ok. where i am now i am constantly uneasy and distressed and miserable in my new location which is totally different in every aspect because the people and cultures are different.

    And when you cant stand your surroundings you dont want to make the effort to involve yourself.

    1. Stef, I can empathize with you. I went from living in a rowhome in a city to apartments, to a small detached house where the houses were very close together to a larger older house with about 1/2 acre.
      In every place I’ve lived I grew sick and fed up with obnoxious and inconsiderate people. Where I am now is unbearably noise and we’re talking the suburbs. In some respects, it is worse then the city. One’s environment certainly does have a direct impact of their mental health and mine are grinding away at me.

  7. I’m sick of hearing it’s not the place, it’s you- total rubbish. Would a hothouse plant thrive in a cold climate? Would a desert plant thrive in the rain forest? Exactly! And we humans are much the same. I know when I have been happy, and it was all about ‘place’. Place is the person. My father was a country man and died miserably in a town- hated it. I’m a city girl trapped in the countryside. Yes it’s beautiful, but I absolutely hate it. Don’t tell me it’s me that’s the problem. As soon as I go back to my city I am truly happy. Real happiness is knowing who you are, and what you need, and being in the right place to fulfill those needs and be free to be the person you are.

    1. I ?? this:

      Real happiness is knowing who you are, and what you need, and being in the right place to fulfill those needs and be free to be the person you are.

      I hate where I live. And of course there are always things I could work in about myself U know it’s the environment I”m in. Have lived here for 3.5 years for the second time and it’s given me good work some of those years, I’ve been able to travel OS more than ever, done some great cycling but now it’s time to go. People are cold, wintee is freezing, people stare at my sunnies because they’re fashionable and they’re judgemental boring sloths. I rarely see anyone here like me – absolutely tired of seeing the same style of people – old self-righteous rich people with expensive cars, fat arses, no personality, young Mum’s pushing prams and high vis tradies. I’m done. Its changed my personality for the worse. 6 weeks and I’m gone. On this site because I’m wondering why I”m bothering staying 6 weeks if I hate it this much.

    2. Hi Carol, Yes!! Thank you for this awesome comment. I’ve been wanting to get out of this place for so many years. I’ve been trying to make myself be happy here but I am MISERABLE. MISERABLE!!! I never go out anymore bc I just don’t click at all with the people here no matter how much I try and I figure at this point, what’s the point of even trying bc I just want to leave. For whatever reason, I just haven’t been able to muster the courage/clarity of mind to move. But I’m finally going to STOP second d guessing myself once and for all, and leave. My family is never going to to be a close, Hallmark card commercial family anyway, so not even a point in staying for that.

    3. Thank you! I needed to read this. I haven’t been happy in— I can’t remember the last time, and my best friend and I were having this conversation the other day. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere I’ve lived and I think, at this point, more than just a city or state it’s the country as a whole. But, even still, I know that living in Baltimore is just not for me. This city is hurtful and hateful. I’ve been here 6 years and my depression (which I’ve had since I was 9, I’m 31 now) has only gotten worse and the bouts last longer than they did when I lived in upstate New York, Boston, Philly. I’ve even felt better visiting family in Houston.

  8. I can tell you for a fact that it can definitely be a PLACE that makes a person unhappy, and that unhappiness does NOT always come from within. I, too, am sick of hearing the comment “it’s not the place, it’s you”. Talk about pathologizing individuals! Sometimes, believe it or not, feelings of unhappiness or frustration CAN come from outside of us.

    I know myself well enough to know what makes me unhappy. It definitely is the PLACE that I grew up in. I was born in a small town that is very, very economically and socially deprived. It is a place of high unemployment, high crime and low expectations. Life expectancy is less than the national average, and there are higher than average rates of teenage pregnancy, obesity, alcoholism, drug misuse, mental illness and physical disability. This is possibly due, in part, to the town being a huge retirement area, but is also due to the fact that many of the younger residents are living on “welfare”. The place is dirty, dog-muck and litter on the streets, with many derelict buildings and empty shops (apart from the “sex shops”). The schools are poor quality, there are few attractive open spaces and limited recreational facilities.

    Growing up in this town, I got badly bullied at school because I was considered a “swot” (anyone who tried to do well got teased, instead of supported). Kids (and adults) in the town where I grew up could be very small-minded, and it was apparently viewed as some sort of “sin” to want to do well, go to University, and thrive. Especially if this meant leaving your place of origin behind; that was sort of viewed as “treachery”! The only times that I have been truly happy are times when I have been well away from the place I grew up. Then, I have felt free to be myself – to study hard, to achieve, to do whatever job I choose to, to dress how I like, to live how I like… As opposed to the place where I grew up, that has the kind of “small town mentality” where everybody watches what everyone else is doing, and bitches behind their backs. Curtains are constantly twitching!

    No way do you want to involve yourself when you cannot stand where you live. You see no point in doing that when there is little that appeals to you. All you want to do is work hard towards moving away and staying away.

    Oh! And you might ask why I am stuck here? The answer to that was a combination of work and family commitments – a very DEMANDING extended family. A demanding drama-queen mother-in-law, a poorly mother and a nagging father. NOT easy to escape that! Every time hubby and I have tried, we have been criticized by one or other family (or both) for being “selfish”. As far as OUR families are concerned, THEIR needs ALWAYS come BEFORE our own – and if we attempt to think about ourselves we are accused of being “uncaring”, “spoiled” and “not the dutiful child”. The bitching has been pretty EXTREME.

    So… “it’s not the place”? Utter rubbish! It sure IS the place! WHY wouldn’t I want to escape somewhere that I was bullied for years in school?

    1. Hi Juju, I know you made that comment over a year ago, but I’ve just now found this article and hope you see this! I really appreciated you ur comment, it really made me feel better about how I’m feeling and made me feel much more validated. I’m in my 40s now and I still live in the general area that I was raised in. Not the same town, but 45 mins away. But even the cities in this region bore me to absolute tears. I have tried for years to try to “make” myself like it here and “convince” myself to want to be here and to just be happy and enthusiastic about living here like it seems everyone else is. I have felt like a failure for not being able to like it here and have mentally beaten myself up for feeling that way for decades now!! I have had brief stints in the past where I have lived away from here and I loved it!! But I just let the feeling of guilt of being far from family stop me from leaving. I always thought, ‘well, they all love it here, what is wrong with me that I don’t?” But I really do now think that is very erroneous thinking. Also, there are so many people I know who moved the heck away from here!! I feel so uninspired here, depressed and plus I also have many bad childhood memories associated with this area too. I’m in the process of creating a solid plan of action steps towards moving out. I’m visiting cities of interest to check them out, all about 3 hours drive from where I am now. Thank you again for your helpful comment. Did you end up moving? All the best to you!

  9. What an absolute crock of s***.
    Yes many of us have problems which will follow us even if we go half way across the world but living in an area completely not conduit to your personality goals and lifestyle is going to lead to a life of sadness and misery.
    I dont understand how trying to force yourself to assimilate and fit in when you feel out of place and miserable and dont understand why people are the way they are where you live is a good thing.
    I completely agree with a comment that living in certain areas just magnifies and intensifies your issues.

    I like to keep to myself and come and go alot. This is fine in the city but inthe country i was berated and had my neighbours jump down my throat so often attempting to demand each time where i was going i had to scream at one to leave me alone. They all avoid me now how is tha a good thing? . I feel nothing but distressed and angry and anxious when i am driving or on the train home on my sizeable commute thinking about all the time and money i am wasting to this house and area i hate. I hardly see m friend s because they live to far away. The sports and hobbies i like to participate it dont exist out here which would be a way for me to minimise my issues and fit in with the community i will have to drive 30-40 mins to get to one.
    I have postponed university repeatedly just because it is so difficult to travel and pay for everything and look after an entire house, so im throwing my education to live here how is that a good thing?. My neighbours and the general community all have ideals tha died inthe last century-still very religious and old fashioned. I was raised in suburbia and modern thinking i don support having ten children,i dont go to church etc so how am i ever going to fit in and be happy here by developing a complete fake personality and deluding myself with drugs perhaps? Some people just arent a good fit for certain areas or lifestyles.

    What a joke. I cant wait to move back to an area that has all the things i want and need nearby.

  10. I agree, I bolted to where my wife’s family was in the South *GA after my mom passed away. I left California and no matter what am dying inside everyday. I think GA is the worst place on earth, no culture, horrible hwys, racism, ignorance and absolutely nothing to do. I screwed up sold our home and now rent prices are sky rocketing and I have to finish grad school. Dying dying … I miss liberal culture, beaches, good food, and roads that are flat and mountains and people with dreams and desire.

  11. I agree. It can be the place you live. But it’s really bad if you don’t have money to take vacations and get to see the places you want to live. I think if possible people should move and experience different places as long as they are able to make the job change. It makes life more interesting. I’m ready to get out of hot and humid all the time. It is affecting my health. I need a much more temperate place with seasonal changes. I feel better in much cooler weather. So I’m hoping for a move soon.

  12. I also call bullshit on the whole “it’s you, not the place” thing. I am tired, tired, tired, and am ready to GO. I live in a large southeastern city that starts with an A! Take a wild guess. Have lived here 35 years, I wanted to leave 20 years ago but my father lived here and I didn’t feel right leaving family. He died last year – I can go. When I first got here, it was fun – the 80s, friends, partying, etc. Now it’s grown into one large, congested, hell-hole of traffic and noise and business. Nothing matters here but money and business (thanks, Andrew Young) – people are stressed to the max from the traffic and working. I need nature, I thrive in it. I dont’ want to be alone, but I need space, peace, and quiet. Asheville, here I come.

  13. Stef Daniel, what about when the places you move keep changing too fast?

    I was born in Southern California in the 1970’s, surrounded by orange groves, and living in what seemed like paradise. Fast forward 20 years and 2 million new residents and I couldn’t stand the place. The pollution, the crowding, the lack of green space, the rudeness that seems to come living in an overpopulated area.

    So I moved to a suburb of Portland Oregon in 2006 and what do you know, it turns into the fastest growing city (percentage wise) on the entire west coast. Going from about 8,000 residents when I moved here to over 20,000 now. With new, 4 story tall, apartment complexes going in at an insane rate. Of course they keep adding sub divisions and condos and apartments, and improve the infrastructure ZERO.

    My new home has turned into everything I hated about where I was born. Every free space is being built in the name of “progress”. The friendly small town vibe has turned into a typical rush, rush, push, push, city living. Just 5 years ago when I had my windows open it sounded like I was camping, wind blowing through trees. Now it sounds like any big city, sirens, traffic, honking horns, people yelling, etc.

    Now what? Move again and watch another nice area get over developed? Move to Alaska or Siberia? The world is over populated. Is my frame of mind the problem or is the human race simply breeding too much and overpopulating the planet like bacteria in a petri dish?

  14. I appreciate the positivity of the article and its aims, but I do think it downplays a bit that different places are, well, different. You can’t ever “make” yourself happy somewhere you hate. You can be as happy as you can be, make the best of the bad situation, that’s definitely on you. And ultimately I’d argue that where you live isn’t the main or even one of the three main reasons for being happy or unhappy, BUT it can seep into everything that you do. I’m stuck in my hometown for about two more years before I finally leave to my dream city, and I grew up here, I’ve spent much of my life here (lived in Los Angeles for about 4.5 years), but I have nothing in common with the vast majority of people in this city nor do I like the weather or the culture or anything else about it. I know the hard work that I do is ultimately what will make me the happiest, so I need to focus on that, but day to day, where you live can eat at your ambitions, your mood, your attitudes about life, which makes it harder to do those more important tasks and focus on the good. If it was just about “having a better attitude,” then you could argue nobody should ever move, because it’s all the same thing, it’s just your attitude. I think we all know that’s not true or accurate.

    There’s also the reality that the human mind, once it decides something, has trouble thinking differently. I know in this city, I probably notice everything I hate far more than I would if I lived in my dream city. I’d be more forgiving because I’d make excuses for it. I have experience with this, even. When I lived in Los Angeles, because of the film industry, I always made excuses for the city because I felt it was where I’d always live. I was able to convince myself I loved it for about 3 years, until I realized I was just kidding myself and it was honestly a horrible place to live. No place is perfect, but some just really suck. The people make a difference, your unique experiences with the people of a place, though that can be challenging too because either you’re part of the main culture or the counter-culture. If you live in liberal cities and you’re a libertarian, it’s going to be harder to fit in. So you need something else in common, like with LA I loved how everyone was into filmmaking and I found nobody really talked politics honestly, we were all too busy talking film. The problem is the competitive nature leads to a lot of fake people and users, which you have to be equipped to handle. It’s not easy making friends in that situation.

    1. I agree with you about the positive theme of the article illuminating that people should make an effort and give things more time before leaving a place. There are however restrictions on what some places can offer. If the place doesn’t offer the right kind of people & culture for someone, it won’t change. I’ve finally made a decision to leave that’s long overdue. I stayed for the money at the sacrifice of fun, vibrant people & my own lack of decision about finding the next right place to be that has all I want. I have to accept no place will be perfect! And after living in regional towns for 5 years I gotta get me to a cosmo city. I probably could’ve made more of an effort with people here but the effort I did make told me my kind of people aren’t here and they have no energy or vitality. Its a government administration town – great outdoors space, in fact an abundance if it, but it’s empty and most night spaces are eating establishments – b.o.r.i.n.g. I feel social media has had a huge impact on increasing social isolation locally – particularly small country towns. Some people are inherently lazy – if a small town doesn’t have much to offer in nightlife or social groups and people can chat online, many have stopped going out. I’m rambling. Some people are more nomadic than others and also learn more about a place quicker than others – I feel these people may need changes of location a lot more than other people. Good luck everyone. If I could give you a word of advice – if you feel it’s time for a location change – do it & do it soon! I feel I’ve missed out on a lot of social interaction, love & fun living where I live and I can’t get the time back. Don’t wait.

  15. I think the article makes some valid point and most commenters have, too. I tend to agree that certain areas fit certain people better. What I think this article is trying to say – and missing the mark a little – is that take the time to look around, be involved in your current community, and make an effort to make yourself happy and engaged where you live. Don’t simply say you hate it. I personally know people that hate where they live but they can’t tell me WHY. It sounds like most of the commenters have already tried to make it work where they are and they know themselves better than to keep trying to get blood out of a turnip.

  16. So it’s me and not the:

    100 days of 100 degrees each summer
    Annual 100 year floods
    Congested traffic, under-built freeway system, and pot-hole filled side streets.
    Corrupt (at the highest levels) and incompetent city government
    Outrageous property taxes
    Stifling humidity in summer and pollen in spring
    Pervasive poverty (or at least an greatly extended lower middle class)
    (and if that isn’t enough, no way to watch any sort of hockey anymore except on TV)?

    I think not!!

    Can’t wait for retirement!

  17. The DMV is a nightmare. Born and raised in NJ and moved to MD 2016. Not nay is the traffic horrific, everywhere you look there is construction for new residential developments like there aren’t already enough drivers on the over crowded roads. I’ve become a hermit because I don’t want to deal with weekend traffic. I’m not ready to slow down and truly miss the convenience of NJ transit.

  18. I’ve lived in a southeastern US city for 15 years. 15 years ago was then, today local taxes are going up fast, traffic is getting worse, road rage is rampant, behavior-altering heat and humidity lasts six months. I’m looking for a new locale but my fear is that I might end up in a place worse than this. You never really know a place until you’ve lived there. My perception of this place is much different today than when I arrived. It takes time to form an opinion. That is the scary part of moving to a new area. Things might actually end up worse. I’ve read horror stories about ex-pats who now feel stuck where they are.

  19. Bloom where you’re planted? No. I’m going to plant myself somewhere else and then bloom the heck out of this beautiful life.

  20. I absolutely hate where I live and feel it is a prison sentence without the bars. I have a very good paying job for the area which is rare and my kids are settled so I feel stuck. I am too broke to travel regularly and too broke to move away plus there is the issue with having a job. If people here knew I hated it I would be looked at strangely as there is a lot of pride and love of the area from the people who live here.

    I pray that one day I am able to leave here but it is certainly causing a lot of my depression.

    1. “I absolutely hate where I live and feel it is a prison sentence without the bars.”

      OMG nail on the head about my life right now. Live in Colorado and love the mountains but despise the small miniscule town (if you can even call it a town) that we retired to from living in Denver suburb. Husband grew up in a small town in south but due to his job we have always lived in big city suburbs. I grew up in Houston and liked living in the burbs.

      Hubby is an avid sportsman and hunter and is as happy as a clam out here in Hooterville riding his tractor and ATV and playing with the dogs. And while we live close to the mountains we aren’t in them, and don’t have trees and cooler temps in the summer which is what I wanted in retirement.

      We live in a town so small we don’t even have a fast food or drive through restaurant, the only drug store is closing and the closest Walmart is 28 miles/36 minutes away. So you know what that means right? I have to COOK every meal every single day…and because the closest town with decent grocery stores is 1.5 hrs away I have to take ice chests to grocery shop. And don’t get me started about having any cultural things to do because there aren’t any for miles. My big events consist of driving 2 hours and 10 minutes to my nearest Costco.

      My husband used to get furious with me when we would see friends who would gush and ask me how I like living in God’s Country and I told them I don’t… He knows how depressed I am but won’t ask me about it because he doesn’t want to hear the truth. I tried to put the kabash on the move before we ever came out here and it’s doubly hard to go back to visit my brother in Denver who still lives in my old neighborhood…my beautiful former home there is now worth almost much as my current home on 40 acres here in Hooterville.

      I don’t even want to leave or go outside anymore because even a temporary reprieve from this hellhole means I have to come back…it’s better just to stay in jail than get a leave only to have to come back.

      I can’t even get a part-time job because it’s too damn far to drive/cost of gas for minimum wage job, and I am college educated and worked for Fortune 500 companies in Human Resources!

      I want to go back to civilization!

      1. I feel the same. Every time I leave, it is extremely hard for me to come back. I usually have a mental breakdown, full of tears and dread while on the back, and the whole first week or two at home is very difficult. I feel the “it is easier to just stay in jail, rather than leaving for a short bit” in my soul. I long to leave daily, but the coming back is soul crushing. I have lived in my town for 20 years, and it only gets worse every time I leave and have to come back.

  21. Sorry I disagree strongly with living in a location with weather you can’t stand as “something you need to heal within yourself”. I have rhenoids so anywhere that’s cold already exaggerates this health issue.

    I live in a cold and extremely expensive by world standards area but work or travel away from it as often as possible for those two reasons.

    I am so much more cheerful and healthy in warm environments whether working or holiday. It also makes a huge difference when I can stay somewhere and my dollars are stretched 3 times further.

    I stay in the miserable cold environment because it is not too hard to mow money there and because everything is convenient. If healthcare, shops and good money is available elsewhere, and it’s warm I am gone!

  22. I currently live in Massachusetts and absolutely hate it. The people are very rude and have nasty attitudes, everyone is out for self here. I only stay because of family and my parents getting up in age. The rent is so high you struggle to make it here, you really need a two household income in order to survive. Massachusetts is home to the best hospitals, schools and some of the best seafood you can get, I agree on that only. I’ve always felt as an outsider, the people here are very judgmental and opinionated and it’s hard to meet true and genuine friends. Everyone here is in their cliques and if you think differently then you are treated as an outsider. An unwanted and uninspiring environment can make you angry and definitely unmotivated. I have been to other places where I could breathe and felt so free as if a weight was lifted off my chest. Whenever I returned back to Massachusetts, I’ve felt the coldness and the tension in the air as soon as I gotten off the airplane. A place can make or break you and to the people who say it’s you and not the place, that is B.S. Sometimes we outgrow people and the places we grew up. I love the DMV area and have been considering moving there, the culture fits my soul.

    1. I definitely can relate I live in North Carolina for 4 years now and i hate it very racist and crazy people here not all but some and i want to move down south where it is friendly and goal oriented.Godbless you always.Sincerely,Angie.

  23. This article is non-sense. Let’s see if polar bears can thrive in Africa. I love crisp autumn air and coldness of winter. I’ve lived on the East Coast for a long time and I loved the period of October through March. Wearing a nice winter jacket and walking outside during that period made me feel so fresh. Now, I am stuck in a large burning oven called Arizona due to my job. It’s mid-October and the high temperature is 100. In the summer with temperature routinely hitting 110-115, I wonder if hell is this hot. In cold weather I can always layer up., but there is no escape from AZ heat. It feels like the entire Phoenix area is a gigantic oven that is on all the time. I hope I’ll be able to escape this hellish place.

    1. Monique M Fleming

      Chris Gold, I understand completely! I’m from the northeast and my favorite time of year was fall to spring.
      I retired from the military in 2001. My mother had cancer and wanted to move to Oregon due to the dying laws.
      What a nightmare! I’ve been stuck here 20 years. I’m an outdoors person, so I was happy about the mountains, hiking trails, kayaking, etc. BUT..no one and nothing prepated me for the 110 degree summers you can’t hike in or the constant wildfires and thick smoke that keeps you inside for months.
      The poverty, politics, insane housing prices, poorly educated just adds insult to injury.
      I’m moving to the north woods in Wisconsin in the spring. I may have to buy a small home because the reality market is overpriced. But being in four seasons, to include cold winter, has been a part of my soul since birth. I’ve lived around the world and all around the US. I realize my unhappiness in certain places was the lack of outdoor activities and no four seasons. Especially winter!

  24. I’m a firm believer that it’s about where you live…you can’t always blame someone for being a miserable wretch and claim they would be miserable anywhere. That’s a copout assertion that abusers like to use on their victims who feel like their in a prison cell without bars. Yes, everyone, I currently live in a hellhole…..a small rural town in western New Jersey, where it’s freezing cold most of the year and most everybody has lived only here their whole lives (as did their parents, etc etc, so they don’t know any different) and all these townies know each other (like, since childhood), and if you move here in your forties, good luck meeting anybody to even be casual friends with. For most of my adult life, I lived in Tampa, Florida, which I thoroughly enjoyed, for 18 years. I went to college there, adopted some healthy habits like eating your own homegrown citrus, walking/jogging daily, and just taking in the fresh air several hours a day. Not only is Tampa a hodge podge of all kinds of people from different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, but I never had one complaint about the hot humid weather, the “palmetto bugs”/roaches, the flat terrain, the 6-lane highways, the alligators, the tiny lizards outside, or any other characteristics about Florida that scare some people off. Well, gawd, I’m stuck in New Jersey because I have grammar school-age children with the man I’m married to, and he refuses to budge.

    Not everybody is programmed identically and that is something we all must comprehend. What works for one will NOT necessarily work for another. Some people are OK with freezing temperatures, while others seem to break down and fall apart in such conditions. My husband has a severe motion sickness disorder. So to be fair, should we strap him into an airplane simulator ride 10 hours a day? Wouldn’t dream of it…
    My husband is an out-of-shape couch potato who just watches TV in his free time when he’s not working (again, when he is working, he is sitting at a desk, doing ‘fun’ CPA stuff). He thrives in a place like Jersey because he doesn’t like to wear shorts, he refuses to wear any shoes that expose any portion of his feet or toes, he is scared of bugs, he prefers air conditioning to being outside, and he thinks that sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner watching reruns of 1970’s game shows is living the dream. I’ve told him repeatedly that he could absolutely survive in Florida, and not even realize where he is…he could still sit indoors in his recliner and watch TV and peruse the internet with his smartphone. He consistently refuses to do anything about my misery living in NJ. I am going on 3 1/2 years here and I loathe every day of existence here, thinking every day that goes by is a waste of time because it sucks here. I am at my wits end, but it’s comforting to see that there are people out there who can relate and empathize. They feel trapped in a place from which they want to escape each and every day. I am constantly daydreaming about escaping this hellhole small town with just a few traffic lights and a general store from the 1700’s. Don’t get me wrong…it’s quaint and cute and a great place to visit around Christmastime for, say, a week. But then I want to leave. To be trapped here for years on end is just horrible. We only get one life to live, so I believe we should try to enjoy it while it lasts. Right? I am being denied that right and I am not sure how much longer I can keep my sanity living in a place I just hate, knowing my happy place is 1,100 miles away.

    1. i’m so sorry you are unhappy in NJ. I just moved to NC from Sussex county, NJ (which I DID hate for 20 years!, but learned to love it), and now i hate NC. I want so much to go back to Jersey with my friends and neighbors. I think we all just make ourselves miserable…i don’t know what the answer is, but i don’t have 20 more yrs to learn to like NC! Wait! Maybe we could buy your house and you could buy ours in NC? what do you say????

  25. I lived in the same state from 2001 to 2020, and if not for my wife’s job, I was content to spend the rest of my life there. We relocated to a new place five months ago, and it’s the complete opposite of our old home in terms of traffic, weather, and people. I’ve given this place the old college try and done my best to stay positive, but the only thing getting me through each day is knowing that we will be leaving next summer.

    In short, if you have been unhappy in every place you’ve lived, it may be worth seeking fulfillment internally like this article suggests. But if your attitude has taken a complete 180 upon moving like mine did, do your best to find somewhere that fits you better. Life is too short to be miserable!

  26. i was born +raised in orange county ca but got priced out+am now in inland empire+ i hate it!
    im going to return to the coastal erea +just live in my van. other states? i have been in them all+ ca is still the best but steer clear of inland empire. its no bargain

  27. I bought my house in a western suburb of Atlanta 15 years ago. It was peaceful here and I loved the house. Now rampant development is taking over and I’m stuck. I should have bought farther out, but I was working in Atlanta at the time and my commute from here was 40 miles one way. I try to see the bright side – if I lived even further away, where would I work without driving 50 miles, and Atlanta is like a cancer that’s going to swallow up every bit of land eventually – but it’s hard, especially when you can’t afford to leave. I’m sitting here crying right now, but it helps to realize I’m not the only one.

  28. I despise where I live and feel trapped. So here is my situation: I have been living in a modest suburban neighborhood for 30 years now. The college in town has expanded considerable thus requiring more housing for students. Over the past ten years the houses in my neighborhood have become student rentals. With that, the noise has increased exponentially. Then there are the house parties, the unruliness, the noise way past midnight and then the trash along my street the next day. I am 62 and still work full time and have little tolerance for this nonsense. Female students can be loud but the males are the worst with their loud customized exhaust systems and powerful subwoofers booming at all hours. When this noise interferes with your sleep tell me that it’s me that has the problem. with what I have just described, tell me that moving to a more rural area isn’t going to improve my attitude. Sleep deprivation shortens life as does noise. There is a direct correlation between noise and heart disease. I was fairly content 30 years ago living here but today it is utter hell. There is no peace and the noise permeates the wall of my house.

  29. I think this is not as cut and dry as many people want it to be. I 100% agree that happiness is an inside job, but I also think we can’t ignore the external factors that can add to or detract from happiness. I am currently stuck in a far-out suburb where we have been subjected to racism and harassment, and where we have not made a single friend in the three years we’ve been here. We are a childless mixed-race couple in our 40s who are progressive, and our neighbors are white retirees who had a massive Trump flag up for months. This stuff matters.

    I have long wanted to leave my city (Dallas) but this particular suburb has made me hate my days. None of my immediate neighbors speak to me and some won’t even look at me. I work to remain present and grateful, and to focus on the good parts of my life, but being around intolerant people and feeling like we don’t fit in has magnified every other problem I have with Dallas (and Texas) – miserable summers, lack of nature, nightmarish traffic, endless construction, concrete everywhere, nowhere to drive but Oklahoma. And don’t get me started on the political situation in the state. That matters too.

    We are planning an exit to a more progressive, northeastern area in the hopes of finding community and a different lifestyle. We are bored to death out here in fringe suburbia and miss city amenities, while at the same time are frustrated that this quiet locale has changed so much in three years. The traffic noise seeps through my walls at night and moving out here now seems completely pointless.

    Sometimes, as other commenters said, a place and its people are just not a good fit for who you are. Or, it changes and you have to move on.

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