In 2010, having a child alone is not something that typically raises eyebrows. We no longer send single, pregnant mothers to secret locations where they can deliver in private, escaping the scarlet letter of scorn. Still, despite advances in the women’s movement, there remains a stigma associated with pregnant women who are not married. Rule number one is to get over it. If you are pregnant and, for whatever personal reasons, not involved with the baby’s father, you are NOT predestined to a life of shame. In fact, there are thousands of valid reasons to leave an unhealthy relationship when facing pregnancy, and it takes strength to push aside societal expectations in order to give birth and raise your child alone.
Many outsiders may visualize your choice to have a child alone as a sign of promiscuity. In many cases, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Even married couples and long-term daters can face unexpected pregnancies. In fact, two out of three pregnancies in the United States are unplanned. It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 37; if you are having sex, it can happen to you. Furthermore, even with careful birth control, pregnancy can defy common logic. Condoms can break, birth control can fail, and many women find themselves responsible for a pregnancy without having chosen the ideal partner. This unplanned pregnancy can leave a harmonious couple split down the middle, with the man running for cover, while the woman has nowhere to escape.
Regardless of how or why it happens, there is nothing wrong with having a child. Many kids are born into happy, loving, and supportive non-traditional families. The definition of family has evolved over the years. What makes your family complete may not resemble the traditional model of the 1950s, but it can still be complete nonetheless. When considering having a child alone, you might worry that your child will miss out without both parents in a traditional home. However, with diligence and a positive attitude, your child can have just as many opportunities—if not more.
Single mothers are everywhere. Some find themselves in this situation by choice, while others arrive there through unforeseen circumstances. Nonetheless, women demonstrate incredible resilience, breaking new ground and making the best of their lives, no matter the challenges they face. If you are having a child alone, start by having the courage to think beyond outdated “rules” and begin envisioning a future full of opportunity and love.
The next step is to recognize that, while you may feel alone, the reality is that you aren’t! If you look at your life from a different perspective, you’ll see that you have close friends, family members, and a supportive network right at your fingertips. Your own parents can serve as loving cornerstones to your new family, and friends—both male and female—can bring balance and joy to your child’s life. Additionally, there are countless support groups and women in similar situations eager to connect and share their experiences. These comrades can offer assistance, ideas, and help you build a strong familial network that stands firm even without another “parent” involved.
It’s easy to frame having a child alone as a consequence of life. However, many women are choosing non-traditional paths to motherhood, making the conscious decision to have children on their own. They believe that, even without a “perfect” relationship, they can still experience the love and bonds that come with raising a child. Each year, more women are opting to have children alone, and they are not a group to be pitied; they should be admired for their courage to take control of their destiny rather than waiting for the ideal situation to arise. This mindset speaks volumes about the kind of mothers they will become and the lessons they will impart to their children.
Having a child alone may not always be the preferred choice. Yet, maturity is largely about making the best of the life you have and not feeling confined as a victim of circumstance. Whether your decision to have a child alone was made consciously or not, you have a duty to yourself, your baby, and your new definition of family to strive for success. No family, couple, or individual can completely understand, predict, or plan for the future. But what you can do is embrace it! Seeking resources that will support you, enlisting the help of your existing family, and maintaining an open, optimistic outlook will provide your child with a fulfilling life—one filled with love and resilience.
