The aftermath of the recent movie theater massacre in Colorado has left many parents, rightfully so, filled with a healthy dose of fear about the world we live in.
It’s difficult to imagine how something as simple as going to see a movie could turn into a surreal scene, one that feels as though it could only happen in a third-world country. The wake of this massacre has reopened the wounds of Columbine, the shooting of Governor Giffords, and many other tragic events carried out by deranged individuals around the world.
As parents watched the Twin Towers burn, or the clips from Columbine, or even the evening news talking about brutal killings just miles from their hometown, it’s important to remember that children are also listening in the background. It’s easy to think that a 2-, 3-, or 4-year-old child has no real understanding of what’s happening on the television. It’s tempting to talk about these events around them, without helping them understand what occurred, out of fear that they are too young to grasp it. However, as these events unfold on the screen with our children playing in the background—whether they’re building blocks or coloring in a book—they too are being affected. Helping children understand tragic events is an important lesson that shouldn’t be ignored. Even though we want to shelter our children from life’s harsh realities, the truth is that withholding information can do more harm than good.
Perhaps the next time you take your child to the movies, they may seem frightened or anxious because they’ve associated movie theaters with violence. Your teen, having heard of Columbine, may experience anxiety about school and wonder about their safety. Or your children may quickly come to realize that someday, something like this could happen to you or your family.
Senseless acts of violence leave children and adults alike confused and dazed.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to downplay, lie, or withhold information from their children. If your child asks about the news, experts agree that parents should provide an age-appropriate, relevant answer. When parents downplay such tragedies or suggest that something like this could never happen close to home, children learn to mistrust them. They already sense the worry from the news or overhear adult conversations. Hiding things from them will only increase their anxiety.
A good way to help kids understand tragedies is by asking them questions. Ask how they feel, or what they think happened, so you can gauge their fears. Then, try to explain the incident using facts. Parents should also use these conversations to teach children what they should (and shouldn’t) do in emergencies. This helps them feel a sense of control and empowerment.
It’s also important for parents to reassure kids about how rare it is to be victimized by such crimes. Use age-appropriate crime statistics to help them regain a sense of security. Children need to understand that, while terrible things do happen, the world is generally safe. Remind them that police officers and firefighters are working hard to protect them, and that those responsible for these awful acts are off the streets and caught by authorities. Keep in mind that to a child, the fact that something happened 750 miles away means very little. To them, it can feel as close as their backyard.
Depending on your beliefs, it’s also helpful for parents to allow children to pray or send well-wishes to those who have been affected by these crimes. Allowing your child to send a card to a family victimized by these events can foster compassion and give the child a sense of closure, knowing they’ve done something to help.
Additionally, parents must recognize that some world events are too much for children to process—this massacre being one of them. If your child is very young, consider changing the channel or avoiding discussions of such tragic events to prevent unnecessary fear. Some topics and events are truly best left for adults. While children may not fully understand the magnitude, permanence, or evil of such situations, they will absorb the fear and chaos around them.
Sadly, the question most children will ask is: why? Why would someone do this? Why is there war? Why would one person kill another? Unfortunately, the answer to “why” is something most of us—parents or not—will never fully understand. Perhaps it’s our inability to comprehend such senseless acts that sets us apart from those who, without care or reason, harm others.
