Hiding bills from your spouse is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. The root of the un-health may vary from person to person, but if there’s a reason that a person doesn’t feel they can be honest about the money flowing out of the household, there is a problem begging to be addressed.
Naturally, couples with a shared checking account are going to want to hide things such as how much they spent on a birthday present, but beyond those types of secrets, bill hiding means either you have a serious spending problem, there is a significant temper problem in the household, or there is some reason that you do not feel that being honest with your spouse is a good idea.
The notion that hiding bills from your spouse is a good idea means more than anything there is an issue dealing with honesty. This issue may be grounded in fear, concern, or a desire to hide something about you. Fear means that you are concerned that the bills you are hiding will make your spouse angry and can result in an argument or God forbid physical abuse. In this case there is a definite need for professional intervention no questions asked. If you are that afraid of your spouse’s anger, there is a serious problem within the household that requires immediate intervention.
Concern is actually the second most popular reason for hiding monetary concerns from a loved one. If your spouse has had an accident or serious illness and the bills are piling up and your only concern is that they recover, this is admirable but still not recommended. Being honest even when your spouse is in a recovery stage is just as vital to their recovery as medication and doctor visits. The last thing your spouse needs is to find this information via an accidental discovery or a phone call from a bill collector. This sends the message to your spouse that they are not able to handle life and that you are babying them. Most adults have a difficult time with the concept of letting down their family. Knowing that you are hiding this information from them will make them question what else you are hiding and why you don’t believe they are capable of handling the truth. Being blindsided by significant financial problems when you are ill or hurt doesn’t make it any easier to recover.
The most common reason for hiding bills from your spouse has less to do with them and more to do with you. If you are overspending and you are at least somewhat aware that you are slowly driving your family budget into the great sinkhole of bankruptcy then you also are aware on some level that you have a problem. Whether you have turned to shopping and spending money as a form of stress relief or you are stockpiling items in the event that something terrible might happen, you are dealing with a very serious problem and you are dealing with it alone.
Unfortunately, many people with this sort of problem do not recognize that they have an actual addiction because it is something that has been barely brushed over in our society. People are well aware of addictions relating to food, drugs, alcohol, and sex because they have stolen the limelight and other addictions go unnoticed. Shopping can be an addiction and if you are attempting to hide yours by hiding the bills associated with shopping too excessively then you need to realize that it is time to lay the bills, and your problem, on the table. Asking for help is not a bad thing. Hiding your problem is.
It is not uncommon for one spouse to be more financially involved than the other and to do most of the banking and the basic care of the financial aspects of life. However, there has to be a basis of honesty that accompanies this arrangement. Any relationship built on dishonesty is bound to eventually fail. There has to be a level of open and honest communication, which also means there has to be an open and honest level of trust between you and your spouse.
When honesty fails in a relationship, the next step and the step after that usually escalates. The entire point of being married to an individual is to share your life, and your entire self, with someone who loves you. The instant you take the honesty away and begin to start hiding bills from your spouse or hide any other aspect of your life is the instant that you take away from the quality of the relationship.
If you have been hiding bills from your spouse, the only logical next step to break the pattern of lies comes from you. Somewhere inside you are going to have to find the courage to bring forth the financial situation which you are creating and the two of you are going to have to deal with it. Explain yourself, talk about whatever your fears are, discuss your motivations, but above all, break the cycle and lay some honesty in your spouse’s lap. It might not be pleasant, but it the most necessary part of changing a very unhealthy behavior.