Whether you have a large brood of five or six children under the age of ten driving you into the realm of “I need some me time right now,” or have one beautifully cooperative baby who needs full-time care while you return to work, hiring a babysitter is one of the most important—and often difficult—tasks a parent can face. Mothers and fathers rightly believe that no one can care for their children the way they can. Thus, asking someone else to do a job you already know will feel like second-rate work in your eyes makes the task even more challenging. Parents struggling to select the perfect babysitter often have this problem because they are looking for a version of themselves, which, of course, they will never find.
Parents do not need to lower their standards when hiring a babysitter but rather realize that what they are truly seeking is a highly qualified and likeable stand-in for themselves. They don’t need to find parent replacements. It’s perfectly acceptable and within your rights to ask tough questions, but be careful not to be so demanding that you scare off the right candidate. Remember, the interview process is a two-way street. Some applicants may simply need a job, while others are genuinely gifted with young children and aren’t desperately seeking income. You want to weed out the “J-O-B” seekers from those dedicated to the highly demanding task of caring for your children in your absence.
How to Find the Right Babysitter
Never hire someone who cannot provide three solid references. While it’s important to check out the references they provide, keep in mind that these references were chosen because they are likely to speak highly of the candidate. A much better reference is the applicant’s former or current employer. If they aren’t on the list, ask for permission to speak with their employer first. While not all candidates will be forthcoming (some employers don’t allow moonlighting), most will, even if they know their employer might have reservations about them. If you’re hiring a teenager and this is their first job, ask for three teachers’ contacts instead of traditional references. If one or two teachers really enjoy having the kid in class, speaking to three will offer better insight, consistency, and perhaps even fair warning.
If you’d like to observe one-on-one interaction between the babysitter and your child, consider bringing your child into the interview, at least briefly. You could excuse yourself for a moment and observe how the applicant engages with your child. Even if everything in your gut tells you this applicant is a great fit and they provide all the “right” answers during the interview, take the time to check their references and talk to employers or teachers before making your final decision. Do this as quickly as possible—if they are as good as your instincts suggest, someone else may snatch them up before you’re finished with your research.
Hiring a babysitter can be an emotional experience, and many new parents hesitate to go through it. It can take a while before you start advertising or scheduling interviews. Even then, if the thought of leaving your baby with a stranger feels overwhelmingly frightening, you may delay the process, finding faults with perfectly good candidates subconsciously because you fear it will delay your return to work. This feeling can be so strong that, the night before a new mother is supposed to return to work, she still doesn’t have a babysitter lined up, and it’s clear she isn’t going anywhere in the morning. If you recognize this dynamic in your family, it might be time to consider whether a full-time babysitter is truly necessary. Some parents may never be ready to leave their child, no matter what. Leaving your child in even the most competent hands can feel like a burden that you can’t trade for money.
No matter how many children you have or how long they need care, a trusted friend’s recommendation can be invaluable. However, if your son’s play-date mother recommends Becky, you are not obligated to hire her. She might love Becky, but you don’t need to justify your decision to anyone. Listing reasons you weren’t satisfied during the interview can cause tension with another mother. Let the recommendation carry weight, but make up your own mind.
One of the easiest tricks to hiring a babysitter you’ll be happy with is simply to have a relaxed conversation with them. People tend to be formal during interviews, thinking hard about what they’re saying or not saying. By relaxing the atmosphere and casually talking about the frustrations of parenting—like dealing with tantrums or getting kids to bed—you’re more likely to hear honest responses, which can give you better insight.
At the very least, always run their name through Google. A full background check is ideal, but it can be time-consuming and require red tape depending on your state. Even if your gut tells you you’ve found the right person, simple steps like checking local courthouse records for any criminal activity—regardless of age—are just as important. You’re entrusting this person with the most precious individual in your life. Start early, be thorough, and trust your instincts. Settling for a babysitter you’re not completely satisfied with just because you’re running out of time isn’t the calm and peaceful return to work you’re hoping for.
