Marriage – Sever or Salvage?
Men and women who have spent at least five to ten years together know that a lot is at stake when a marriage breaks down. For divorcing couples who still have a shred of love and affection for each other, the natural tendency is often to salvage the marriage. There are good reasons for this:
- Children (the most important consideration)
- Assets and property
- Relationships in the community and with other family members
- Our ability to love and trust again
However, there are instances when no amount of counseling or mediation will resolve the issues, and divorce becomes the only viable option. Cases of verbal or physical abuse, alcohol and drug dependency, and other factors make it clear that reconciliation would only worsen matters. In such cases, divorce offers each party the opportunity to start fresh and build a new life.
We understand how crucial it is for any husband or wife deeply hurt by their marriage to find a new lease on life. There’s no turning back, and the only option left is for both parties to move on with their lives. Everyone deserves a second chance. Every person deserves the opportunity to be happy again.
Hollywood Style or Poor Man’s Divorce?
Divorce can wipe you out—financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. When considering divorce, thorough logistical preparation is needed, but mental preparation is just as important as completing the pre-divorce paperwork.
The high-profile divorces you see in movies are quite accurate in some ways. When someone can afford it, they’ll hire the sharpest and most aggressive lawyer, no matter the cost. As mentioned earlier, there’s a lot at stake, and the wealthy and upper classes typically have more to lose in a divorce.
You’ve likely seen or heard about these divorces in tabloids or through rumors in your community. Lawyers acting on behalf of their affluent clients understand they’re not the only ones on the case. Some clients, unconcerned about costs, may hire as many as half a dozen lawyers to wage their battle. And if the lawyers don’t fight with enough “grit,” they are fired on the spot.
Before searching for legal options, consider the following:
- How much you can afford to pay for legal fees and other courtroom costs,
- How much you want from the joint assets of the marriage,
- How much you believe your spouse is willing to give,
- How you want to share expenses related to the children’s education, camps, personal effects, and health bills,
In short, if divorce is the only solution, make sure you know how much you can afford to pursue it. And if you’re hiring a lawyer, ensure that they’re committed to securing the best possible settlement for you. The skill of a lawyer is measured by the final settlement they achieve.
If you can afford it, hire the best lawyer you can find. You’ll need their expertise. Divorce laws are complicated, and the procedures can be intricate. Just keep in mind that a divorce for the wealthy is a high-stakes game that can drag on for years. Know what you’re getting into. You don’t want your lifetime savings and hard-earned assets to vanish overnight.
If you opt for a more affordable “poor man’s” divorce, do your due diligence. Individuals who don’t want to spend a fortune on legal fees might hire a lawyer to handle only part of the process. The divorcing couple would then take care of all the paperwork themselves.
Another option is the “collaborative divorce.” In this scenario, both parties retain legal counsel, but instead of engaging in an adversarial battle, they adopt a cooperative approach based on mutual trust and respect. In a collaborative divorce, the lawyers work together as a team rather than as opponents.
Because divorces happen every day, they’ve become a commodity in the marketplace. And like any commodity, they come in different shapes and sizes. Pamela Weintraub and Terry Hillman (The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Surviving Divorce, third edition, 2005) explain that divorces can be categorized as follows:
- Do-it-yourself divorce (also known as pro per or pro se)
- Mediated divorce
- Variations between the first two
Whether you choose the high-stakes route with multiple lawyers or the more affordable $99.00 divorce you’ve seen advertised, Weintraub and Hillman encourage you to carefully consider your options before filing for divorce with legal assistance, as those choices will significantly impact your financial future for decades to come.
Useful Tips
One reason for hiring a divorce lawyer is to reduce the stress associated with the process. Breaking up a 10- or 15-year marriage is not as simple as ending relationships we had before marriage. In most of our previous breakups, we could just walk away, leave the apartment, and bid our partner farewell. Breaking up with a boyfriend and breaking up with a husband are entirely different experiences. The dynamics in a marriage are far more complex, and the emotional impact runs much deeper.
Things to Consider:
The divorce lawyer you hire MUST be experienced in family law. Only an experienced lawyer can assess your options effectively. They will know the best course of action and provide a range of options regarding financial assets, child support, and custody rights.
Between the two of you, your lawyer will bring more objectivity. Divorce can cloud your judgment with emotion, and it’s difficult to view your situation objectively when you’re overwhelmed by feelings. A lawyer can assess the situation with the necessary clarity.
Your attorney and their staff will be better equipped to handle the required documentation and navigate red tape. A lawyer’s office has access to resources and tools that may be unavailable to you if you choose to handle things on your own.
An experienced lawyer will draw on specialized expertise. If you and your spouse have accumulated assets or have complex financial interests, especially internationally, an experienced lawyer will know who to call in for expert advice. These experts can help with the financial and administrative details that courts need to evaluate, especially regarding asset division and child support determinations.
An experienced lawyer will secure the most favorable settlement. A lawyer who has handled numerous divorce cases knows what types of settlements are viewed as just and fair by the court. They will guide you on whether to ask for more or less, depending on the situation and the tendencies of the specific judge involved.
Where to Look
Experience shows that most people rely on word of mouth when it comes to sensitive matters like divorce. They prefer recommendations from friends or family members rather than searching through the phone book.
If a personal recommendation isn’t available, the next step is to consult your city’s bar association. They can either offer recommendations or direct you to legal directories. Publications like Martindale-Hubbell or CanLaw (a Canadian lawyer referral service) list lawyers along with their specialties.
You can also reach out to the law faculty of a local university, where professors and staff may be able to provide referrals.
