This is a tricky one.
If a man isn’t ready—emotionally and mentally—he’s not going to propose. Unless, of course, you ask your sharp-shooting dad to do it for you. If we were experts at getting men to pop the $64 question, we’d be millionaires by now. It’s like asking a fortune teller to predict the next winning lottery combination.
We don’t have the magic formula, nor can we read a man’s mind. However, some women seem to have a knack for it. They’re on their sixth or seventh husband. These are the women who should be running nationwide seminars. It would be a standing-room-only event, and these smart women would deserve a standing ovation after sharing their secrets.
The next best thing to making him propose is making him WANT to propose—or at least nudging him in that direction. What we mean here is getting him psyched up. You need to break down that wall separating the two of you. One way to do this is by understanding his fears and anxieties. Once you dispel those fears and melt away those anxieties, you might just pull off a miracle. He’ll finally ask the question, and with a glittering diamond to boot!
Will a Man Propose? – Read the Handwriting on the Wall!
Even though we aren’t mind readers, we should at least be able to decipher a man’s words and actions, which are often camouflaged in multiple layers. Some signs are more obvious than others; some feel like a tough calculus problem to solve.
Signs That the Man You’re With Is NOT Ready
- He doesn’t talk about the future or share his thoughts on family and children.
- He makes snide remarks about married couples. “I don’t know what they were thinking—getting themselves all tangled up in marriage like that.”
- When you show admiration for other people’s children, he’s cold and distant. The most you’ll get from him is a forced smile or a nod. He won’t pat a child on the head.
- He’s always harping on advancing his career. “My job is the most important thing right now. I have to do what I have to do to get ahead.”
- He balks when you ask him to escort you to a wedding reception. He’s uncomfortable and awkward the entire evening.
- If you mention the C-word (commitment), he immediately changes the subject and starts talking about the W-word (weather).
- He’s spending money with reckless abandon. A house and mortgage are two words that should be banned from his vocabulary. He likes to say, “I like my tiny apartment. It’s cozy.”
- He’s taking longer than other men to grow up. At 35 years old, he’s still looking forward to beer nights or poker nights with childhood buddies—even if they’re now babysitting.
- He’s the life of the party and never seems to run out of things to say. But when the conversation shifts to family and relationships, he suddenly clams up.
- Each time he upgrades his car, it’s always a sporty two-seater. He’s never interested in family sedans or station wagons.
- He hasn’t once said, “I love you and want to spend the rest of my days with you.” Have you noticed this minor detail?
Signs That Your Man Is Ready
- While driving by a neighborhood, he says, “Wouldn’t this be a great place to raise kids?”
- He’s educating himself about housing, mortgages, and financial planning for the future.
- He’s dropping subtle hints about how many children he’d like to have, how they should be disciplined, and what sports they should pursue. (“I’d like my firstborn to be a tennis pro. I’ll make sure he gets the best coaching money can buy.”)
- He’s asked you about your views on marriage and children more than once.
- He talks about his parents like their marriage was made in heaven. He wants the same for himself.
- He’s spending less time with the guys because he’d rather be with you.
- He’s looking at SUVs and station wagons, and thinking of selling his tiny condo.
- He’s expressed interest in opening a joint account.
- He’s asked you to move in. When you ask him why, he says, “Oh, now, don’t get any funny ideas. I’m asking you to move in for the sake of convenience.” But you know better.
- You’re eating out less, and he’s cooking homemade meals or asking you to make his favorite goulash.
- If you belong to a different religion, he’s dropping hints about converting, or asking if you would.
- He’s taken you to meet his parents, and when you arrive, a large party is waiting for you. The cousins, great-aunts, nieces, and nephews are ready to give you the once-over (he’s probably asked them secretly for their personal assessment).
- He’s visiting jewelry counters more often.
We think you’re starting to get the picture. But remember, until the man has actually proposed with a ring, never assume you’ll live happily ever after.
Are You a Runner, Walker, or Jumper?
Why Some People Easily Get Proposed to, While Others Have to Work Overtime
Dr. John Gray wrote an insightful book a long time ago called Mars and Venus on a Date (Harper Collins, 1997), where he analyzed why some couples march to the altar quickly and live happily ever after, while others take much longer to find their soul mate.
Dr. Gray suggests there are three styles of learning—or, we’ll call them three types of learners: runners, walkers, and jumpers. He believes these styles also apply to relationships, which explains why some people are just much better at the dating game than others.
According to Dr. Gray, runners are naturally gifted. Because of this, they find success with minimal effort. In relationships, “runners are those few who meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after. They are the minority. Most of us are not runners.”
The second category, walkers, represents the majority. These people need to learn from each and every relationship before they can figure out how the opposite sex thinks and behaves. They’re steady learners, taking the best and worst from each experience and working on their weaknesses. Through patience and perseverance, they eventually hit the right chord.
Lastly, there are the jumpers. Many people remain unmarried in their 40s and 50s. To their friends and families, it might seem like they’re going nowhere, or even going backward. But they’re not. If it looks like they’re not learning anything, they actually are—in their own quiet way. In relationships, jumpers marry long after their friends have, and their maturity and slow-brewing talents eventually reward them with a soul mate. You’ve probably heard older people say, “I didn’t think I’d ever get married at my age. I had given up on finding Mr. Perfect, but then, before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me. He was definitely worth the wait.”
“I Can’t Stand It Anymore—Will This Guy Ever Propose?”
You’ve tried every trick in the book, every love potion at the alchemist’s. You even spent a lot of money on pheromones. Nothing’s working. You’re frustrated. We don’t blame you.
As a last resort, why not propose to him? It’s becoming more common for women to ask men to marry them. Some men are so thrilled, they say yes right away. “I didn’t think you’d want to spend the rest of your life with a guy like me!”
So, you see, men too can be shy or prefer waiting in the shadows. There are plenty of shy ones out there!
