For most of us, love and marriage go hand in hand—at least at the beginning of the relationship. After all, it’s love that gently sways us to the altar to say our “I do’s” till death do us part. It’s love that brings two people together so strongly that they feel the need and desire to commit to one another for a lifetime. And it’s love that we often use to measure the strength of our relationship.
Yet as the years pass, the kids come along, and the house and car payments pile up, marriage shifts from romance to partnership for many couples. The burning fire and passion that initially brought two people together may feel so intense at first that it seems like it could never cool down. And even if it does cool slightly, you assume you’ll still always be “in love,” right?
Unfortunately, according to experts, relationships typically move past the passionate, wild stage within the first two years. From there, they evolve into what’s known as the “98.6 degrees of love.” The human brain can only sustain those heightened emotional and hormonal states for so long—it’s biologically unsustainable to live in that kind of intensity forever. (Still, we all believe we’ll be the exception.) The euphoric beginning often causes people to act like idiots and lose touch with reality. Eventually, the brain has to return to a baseline, and when it does, many people begin questioning their marriage and wondering: how important is love in a long-term relationship?
You may have a stable relationship. The two of you don’t fight much, your finances are under control, and you’re generally satisfied. You can talk to one another, share a decent (if not thrilling) sex life, and your kids seem happy. In other words, you fit the classic mold: white picket fence, one car, a minivan, and the rhythm of routine. But chances are you take each other for granted, and that heart-flipping feeling you used to get when your partner entered the room? It may feel long gone.
Then the questions begin:
Do I still love my partner?
Do they love me?
Is our relationship stronger now than it was ten years ago—or has it flatlined in comfort and complacency?
Can we ever get the passion back, or are we simply too used to each other to reignite that spark?
Rediscovering Love Through Stability
Most people who question their love for their spouse—or their spouse’s love for them—are really just disappointed that the relationship lacks the fire and passion it once had.
According to relationship experts, this feeling is completely normal.
It may not feel normal, and you may even be wondering whether the two of you are headed for divorce. But in truth, most couples experience this phase at some point.
One major reason couples hit this bump is that expectations for the future are set so high in the beginning—and often unrealistically so—that stability can feel like a letdown. You may miss those butterflies in your stomach and the constant stream of amorous thoughts, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. Sometimes, life is simply in a quieter season.
Too many people walk away during the “stable” phase of marriage, chasing the thrill of newness and hoping to relive the high of early love. But the truth is, stability and partnership are the cornerstones of a strong, lasting marriage. Instead of questioning love, perhaps it’s time to refocus your energy on rekindling it. Many couples go through cycles of attraction and disconnection—but with effort, communication, and intention, it’s absolutely possible to reignite the flame.
At the same time, it’s important to assess your relationship honestly. Are you unhappy? Not in love? Or just… bored? Many people give up something truly good, thinking the grass is greener elsewhere—only to later realize what they had wasn’t so bad after all.
The fire, passion, and infatuation that define the early stages of a relationship are bound to fade over time. That’s not failure—that’s natural. Great marriages are built by two people who can ebb and flow with life’s demands and changes. Predictability doesn’t have to be a curse; it can be the safe space from which love grows deeper.
Even if you find yourselves in a rut of complacency, there’s nothing stopping you from recharging the romance. If you miss the early days, recreate them. Shake up the routine, be spontaneous, and take a leap of faith to add some spice to your daily life. You might just discover that, with years of shared experience and trust behind you, your relationship now can be even better than it was in the beginning.
In the end, it’s entirely up to you:
Will you choose to be content and appreciative of the life you’ve built—however “mundane” it may seem at times—or will you see stability as a sign of something lacking?
Love might not always look like fire and fury. Sometimes, it’s simply 98.6 degrees—and that’s exactly where it needs to be.
