Before Dr. Phil, Dr. Ferber, and all the other psychologists, pediatricians, Nanny 911’s, and Dear Abby’s of the world, parents relied on common sense and family to figure out how to raise their children. They spanked because no one told them it was ‘wrong,’ and they chose punishments that suited the crime, hoping their children would remember. One glimpse at the classic movie A Christmas Carol and it’s easy to see just how much parenting has changed over the past few decades.
The Shift in Parenting: Has It Been Effective?
Perhaps it is more important to look at why parenting has changed and whether these changes have effectively achieved the main goal of parenting: raising happy, well-adjusted adults. According to research into issues like crime, drug use, alcoholism, mental illness, and domestic abuse, it is clear that all of these are steadily on the rise. Even more alarming is that first-time offenders are now much younger than they were 40 years ago. Some liberals may argue that this is simply because more is being reported and recorded, but the truth is that, years ago, children had limits, boundaries, RULES, and, most importantly, consequences.
Nowadays, parents see setting limits and enforcing them as detrimental to the parent-child relationship. Do we really want to be friends with our children? Perhaps adults should find more suitable playmates!
This transition started slowly as issues like child abuse and fields of psychology became more mainstream. In the past, people kept their struggles private, airing their dirty laundry to no one. Now, parents discuss every little detail of their lives with the mom sitting next to them at the ball field, as if ill behavior is expected and tolerated as part of childhood. Think about it: was bad behavior tolerated when you were a kid? Mom probably had a paddle stored in her apron pocket, and the words “wait till your father gets home” meant something—terrible! Parents followed through and played the role of the “Alpha” in their children’s lives. But suddenly, we’re too civilized for all that!
Certainly, beating a child is wrong and not appropriate, and spanking should not be the punishment of choice. Yet statistics show clearly that 74% of parents admit to spanking their children in anonymous polls! Sometimes, a parent needs to get a child’s attention quickly, and when hollering doesn’t work, a simple tap on the hand or bottom can do the trick.
Another sign of how parenting has changed over the years is the epidemic of children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, who are medicated each year. This number rises monthly, as soon as a child shows any resistance or independence against the “way of the home.” Parents rush them into specialists, eagerly having them medicated. Absolutely, this isn’t true for all children, but ADD and ADHD aren’t new; they were just dealt with differently in the past. Chances are, you can think back to your childhood and remember a child who today would have been labeled with one of these conditions.
The April 2009 edition of Psychology Today reported that there are more clinical diagnoses of depression among parents today than ever before in the history of psychological medicine. What does that say? It shouts that parents are not in charge. Everywhere you look, parents are doing everything and providing everything for their children at the expense of their own happiness. Parents feel forced to provide the nicest house in the best neighborhoods, drive the coolest cars, and cart their children around to numerous places to ensure they’re being stimulated enough. Years ago, children stimulated themselves with things other than Nintendos, Wiis, TVs, iPods, the internet, and all the other new toys that parents are throwing at them. Sixteen-year-olds now drive nicer cars than their parents, and credit card debt from all this ‘giving’ is destroying the economy. How many moms and dads are wearing the same pair of jeans they’ve had for years but feel pressured to spend a fortune on new school clothes for their kids each fall? It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out how parenting has changed.
It also doesn’t take a brain surgeon to fix it—or a Dr. Phil or Dr. Ferber! Come on, parents… when a baby cries, they want to be picked up, and when a teenager is spoiled, bratty, snotty, and not doing what they are supposed to do, they should be firmly and curtly put in their place. Who is the boss? The children of this world have figured that out, so why can’t the parents?
Secondary to what parents are constantly doing and giving to their children comes the emotional battering that children are allowed to inflict on their parents. This is, of course, facilitated by all the nice and fluffy parenting advice that parents soak up like a sponge. God forbid we put our child in their place or tell them they can’t sing well to avoid the embarrassment of standing on stage howling like a dog. We say “good job” and “you were great,” leading them down a path where they become self-absorbed and completely unequipped to deal with the real world. We give them choices instead of orders. Did your parents do that? The answer is clear: we did what we were told, and if we didn’t, we were lucky to get food for dinner, let alone the privilege to watch TV for the rest of the year. Now, sending a child to bed without dinner is considered inhumane.
The bottom line is this: parents have become soft and uninfluential. They’ve handed over everything to their children. Children are entitled, spoiled, can’t take no for an answer, and rarely understand the importance of respect, integrity, working for things, or being grateful. This leads to poor adults. Soon, we will have an entire generation of adults who don’t understand sacrifice, sharing, compassion, or the meaning of a blessing. They won’t know how to say “please,” “thank you,” or “sorry.” What will happen to the militaries? To the people willing to give their lives to teach? The repercussions and ripple effects of what could be considered “sissy parenting” will have an everlasting impact on this entire world. If we don’t understand how parenting has changed now, we’ll see it clearly in a decade.
