We live in a world that glorifies parenthood. Nearly every commercial on television or in magazines seems to show cute little babies with perfectly happy and content moms and dads, living “the dream.” For many people, having a family is the fundamental goal of their life—and they dream about the life they will have when the pitter-patter of little feet hits the hardwood floors of their perfect house, surrounded by a stark white picket fence. In other words, the fairy tale of parenthood is sold.
For one thing, if people knew the truth, fewer would choose to alter their lives so dramatically by having children. And secondly, procreation is in our DNA.
That being said, there are millions of unexpected ways in which raising children will change your life. Some are obvious, some incredibly rewarding, some exceed your expectations, and others—well, not so much. All those years of watching your nieces or nephews, babysitting, changing a friend’s newborn’s diaper, or taking your young cousins to the park will never prepare you for the realities of parenthood. Even if you babysat kids for a week, spent your teen years working at a youth camp, or had a host of younger siblings, the realities of parenthood will not hit you until you actually become a parent. And there is no book, video, sitcom, movie, or piece of advice from others that can prepare you for how you will feel in the following moments.
Unexpected Lessons in Parenthood
The first time your child runs a fever, you will learn the true meaning of worry. If your child gets sick for any length of time, you will understand why Xanax was invented. All these years, the common cold or the occasional virus seemed to come and go with little thought, and you might have thought, “No big deal!” But suddenly, you have a child who is sick, and you’re pacing the halls night and day, feeling completely powerless to do anything about it.
In fact, becoming a parent makes you realize just how little control you actually have.
Let someone else hurt your child’s feelings, and you’ll understand why so many parents get in trouble for jumping fences at the ballpark to yell at an umpire, or why relationships between family members and friends can quickly become strained when a child is involved. There is no pain in the world like the pain you will feel when your child is emotionally hurt.
When you see your child hit their first home run at a baseball game, score a touchdown, receive an award at school, or dance on stage at their first recital, be prepared to feel such an overwhelming sense of pride that you will be brought to tears. We, as adults, spend our later youth and early adulthood trying to build our own successes. While we may relish in them for a while, nothing compares to the pride you feel when your child succeeds.
Think you’re tired before kids? Just wait until they actually arrive. Not only do they dictate your sleep schedule, but they will wear you out during their waking hours with their constant needs. The older they get, the more talking, whining, crying, fighting, bickering, and noise they make—meaning peaceful moments will only be available between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m., when the little beasts are actually sleeping. Of course, few parents can stay awake during those hours because they are so darn tired. Parenthood teaches you just how little sleep you can get and still survive (notice I didn’t say thrive).
Remember all those things you used to say, starting with the infamous words, “When I have kids, I will NEVER…?” Well, prepare to eat crow. And lots of it. You will be surprised by what you’ll do when your child throws a tantrum in the Wal-Mart aisle, spits in your face, pinches their baby sister, or refuses to sleep in their own bed. All those preconceived notions about parenting will be thrown out the window by the time your child is two.
As adults, there are plenty of people we cannot stand. In fact, you may have a laundry list of people you don’t like at all. Well, be prepared to add your own children to that list. The problem is, you will always love them more than you hate them, which gives them the constant upper hand in the relationship. And sadly, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. No matter how awful your child may be, you forgave them the moment they were born. There won’t be another person on the face of the earth who will push your buttons and drive you to the brink of insanity—whom you will actually choose to love, forgive, and hug in the aftermath.
Becoming a parent teaches you about patience. Don’t believe it? Try working a puzzle with a hard-headed 4-year-old who won’t let you help, after you’ve been working on it for two hours and it’s so obvious to you where the last two pieces go. Or spend an hour building a block tower with a child, only to have them knock it down with a bouncy ball the moment you put the last block on top. Or, spend hundreds of dollars decorating your child’s room, only to walk in and find sharpie marker stick figures drawn on the wall. Or reach the age when your normally agreeable child becomes incredibly disagreeable—about everything. Yeah, patience. You’ll get plenty of practice once you become a parent.
Remember that break-up in high school when your heart was shattered? Just wait until your child walks into school on the first day without you, or leaves for college. While bittersweet, you will understand what heartbreak really feels like, because so much of your heart is connected to that little human you call your child. And as they naturally gravitate away, they take a part of you with them.
Last but certainly not least: All those years you thought you knew love, thought you felt love, thought you loved your spouse, your family, or your dog—nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to the all-encompassing feeling of love that you feel the minute you see your child, hear them cry, or watch them smile for the first time. Nothing. It is in this moment that you realize just how vulnerable parenthood has made you.
