Some time after you start dating someone, you become more and more comfortable with them. As your comfort level increases, your sexual desire for them will probably grow as well. It is a natural part of forming a bond with another person and is often seen as one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship.
Then there is this idea that after marriage, the sexual arousal of a couple decreases. As you turn from a highly-charged, passionate relationship to a more settled life, it may feel like the spark has gone out — or so it is said. But does this actually happen?
Well, the reality is that it isn’t always the case. Studies have shown that sexual desire can remain strong throughout a marriage, even as the years go by. At the same time, other sources point to lowered relation excitement as a sign of healthy and mature marriage.
So how can you keep your sexual desire strong throughout the marriage? Read the article below to find out.
Relationship Duration and Sexual Desire
Let’s start by looking at relationship duration and sexual desire. As mentioned above, experienced couples tend to have a lower level of sexual desire than couples just beginning their relationship.
One can attribute this situation to the fact that the novelty of being together has worn off after some time. As a result, there isn’t the same level of excitement as before.
More specifically, this can be attributed to both physical and psychological factors.
The Physical Side
On the physical side, sexual arousal may be lower due to decreased testosterone levels or boredom with the same sexual activities. It is relatively easy to fix with some creative foreplay.
Although ordering a few dildos for men may not be the entry-level conversation in a heteronormative relationship, it’s worth considering as one way to add variety and spice.
Alternatively, consider adding some roleplay to your regular sexual routine to spice up your sex life. It may be just what you need to get interested in exploring your bodies once again.
The Psychological Side
On the psychological side, couples may find that they’ve grown accustomed to each other and don’t feel the same excitement. Rather than a romantic lover, they see their partner as a family member or companion. This perception may stem from a wide array of issues, from lack of communication to unresolved resentments.
The key here is to work together and find what put the relationship in a rut in the first place and then take steps to address it. It may be as simple as taking more time to talk to each other or as complex as going for couple’s therapy. Whatever the case, it’s crucial that both partners take ownership of their issues and work together toward a solution.
What the Science Says About Sexual Desire
An article from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy takes a closer look at the issue of sexual desire in marriage. The authors conducted a study on 170 participants aged 18-25 and accounted for factors such as age, relationship duration, and satisfaction.
The results showed that for women, relationship satisfaction was the strongest predictor of sexual desire. In other words, when they felt fulfilled in their relationship, they were more likely to experience stronger sexual desire and maintain it throughout the later parts of their affair.
For men, the study found that being in a long-term committed relationship does not show a decrease in sexual desire. On top of that, men in the study reported that their sexual desire increased with relationship duration. It suggests that building an even stronger connection after marriage is possible.
Those findings match up with other studies, which indicate that couples in long-term relationships can maintain strong sexual desire. Still, there is a clear distinction between men’s and women’s sexual needs.
Another longitudinal study researched the different rates of sexual desire decline between men and women in marriage. The results showed that while men’s needs lessened with time, for women’s, it declined steeply. Certain relationship milestones like marrying, having children, and so on were all causes for this decline.
The study underlines the importance of both partners understanding each other’s needs and ensuring they are met to maintain a healthy relationship.
What Does That Mean for Your Relationship?
First of all, there is no rule that says that sexual desire has to decline after marriage. In fact, studies show the opposite — couples in long-term relationships can maintain healthy levels of sexual bond and even see an increase over time if they are willing to commit to the work.
The key here is to stay open and honest with each other about your needs, desires, and expectations — both in terms of sex and communication overall. It’s also essential for couples to make time for romance that isn’t just sexual but rather an expression of love between two people who care about each other.
Your sexual desire doesn’t have to define your relationship after marriage. What does matter is how you and your partner choose to care for each other, talk about it openly, and be willing to make an effort to maintain a strong connection.
If you feel like you can’t handle this alone, there is no shame in asking for help — whether from a couple’s therapist or simply opening up to friends and family.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to communication: talking honestly about what you need and want out of your relationship, so both partners can get their needs met. This way, marriage doesn’t have to mean an end to sexual desire but instead can become another step in growing closer together.
The desire for sex may change over time, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. By understanding each other’s needs and speaking about them openly, couples can maintain the same level of sexual desire they had before marriage — or even grow stronger in that department!