The impression of Peggy from the 80’s hit show Married with Children has left a poor image in the minds of society. It’s easy for close-minded people to perceive stay-at-home mothers as lazy, soap opera-watching, bon-bon-eating moms. Nothing could be further from the truth. We all know that! But what’s a bit more challenging is not just being a stay-at-home mom, but being a happy one. As a woman, mother, and wife, how do we maintain our sanity when it feels like the walls are closing in? Having done this for almost 12 years, I have a bit of advice to share.
- Always have something more interesting to do than your kids’ activities. This keeps you from living vicariously through them and gives you something to look forward to each day.
- Don’t even try to read a book. You’ll just get frustrated by not finishing it. Better to leave it on the coffee table, gathering water stains. The time for reading is not now.
- Have at least one man in the world who is not your husband, someone you see regularly, flirt with, and who thinks you’re attractive. Whether it’s the guy at the gas station, the bagging boy at the grocery store, or the man behind the video counter. If none of those work, “accidentally” order a UPS package to yourself just so you can get a glimpse of one of the handsome men in brown!
- Never spend all day cleaning up after the kids. Set aside time to do it once a day. Otherwise, your efforts will be as futile as shoveling snow while it’s still snowing. If you try to stay ahead of the cleaning and laundry, you’ll end up constantly cleaning without really accomplishing anything.
- Don’t tell your in-laws everything you do!
- Have lots of girlfriends, with whom you expect nothing but short, passing conversations—on the phone or as you go about your day. Trying to arrange playdates for yourself will only kill a great friendship. Lower your expectations for together time.
- Grocery shop without the children!
- Teach your kids to clean at a young age, so there’s less for you to do!
- Stop trying to make your kids’ clothes match. Let them pick their own outfits. It builds their confidence, teaches them character, and checks one more thing off your to-do list. Let them be unique at all costs.
- Don’t try to compete with or engage in conversations with other moms unless you know your kids are friends. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time and risking an argument.
- Keep hand sanitizer in your purse and use it often.
- Tell your children that public bathrooms are hideous places where germy monsters wait to get you. This will keep them from being tempted to use them.
- Play great music in the car to drown out the noise and chatter from the kids.
- Mowing the grass is just as useful as therapy. The vibration and noise of the lawnmower drown out everything else. It’s great exercise, a good way to catch some sun, and you get immediate satisfaction from the work. Offer to do it and let your husband watch the kids.
- Make your house the center of play for your kids and their friends. As time passes, you’ll always know what’s going on and who their friends are.
- Call your husband once a day and talk dirty to him. It keeps the marriage hot and makes him less likely to stray.
- Wear lingerie to bed every night, no matter what. Find the sexiest pieces you can and wear them even if you’re not in the mood. Your husband will appreciate it.
- Eat dinner with your kids every night without the television on.
- Sing loudly, dance wildly, and act totally crazy around your kids at least once a week so they never see you as just a serious fun-sucker.
- Never over-volunteer at your child’s school. If you’re doing that, it means you don’t have enough to do.
- No matter what, find time to shower every day!
- Learn how to tune everyone out for at least 5 minutes at a time. Do it so well that not even your kids can tell you’re not really listening.
- Take “mommy time-outs” whenever necessary.
- Admit to your kids when you’re wrong, when you overreacted, or when you acted like a jerk. It teaches them to do the same and shows them that no one is perfect.
- Keep candy in your purse at all times. Sometimes it can literally be a lifesaver.
- Never forget to schedule and keep your own doctor’s and dentist appointments.
- When you feel nervous, stressed, bored, or irritated—move furniture around. It always makes you feel better.
- Don’t expect your spouse to understand.
- Get up an hour earlier than everyone else in the house and take that time to center yourself—feel your breath, quiet your heart, and open your mind.
- Try to work out, take a yoga class, or do something for your body at least three times a week.
- Learn how to play again by watching your children and joining in every chance you get, even if you have dishes to do. They’ll wait for you. It’s more important to be silly.
- Never wear sweatpants and sloppy t-shirts unless you’re totally by yourself. Jeans will make you feel better, eat less, and look sexy.
- Worry less, smile more, and pray often.
- Remember that each day is a new one, with new opportunities, new things to be grateful for, and new chances at sanity. Take life one day at a time.
- Never go to bed dirty when the sheets are clean.
- Indulge in *The Enquirer*, *Star*, or some other ridiculous magazine that will take your attention away from your own life.
- Never worry if your kids take advantage of you. They love you unconditionally and always.
- Parent in your own style and stop looking for answers in books or guides. Half the authors have never had children of their own or leave them with nannies when they do. They certainly don’t have your children, and you’ll find it easier and more enjoyable to parent through your own heart than by following someone else’s advice. Trust your own decisions and abilities.
- Remember that sometimes teachers know your children better. Never be afraid to question doctors or be intimidated by their medical jargon! Ask real questions and make sure you’re heard—you have the right to know!
- Give your kids a break sometimes. Let them stay home from school for a day if they’re tired or overworked. Respect their need to rest. They’re only young once, and their days are long, stressful, and tiring too. Extra attention and well-needed rest can go a long way in improving their behavior.
- Always come from a place of loving yourself first, then everyone else. This ensures that no one in your life will ever be disappointed. It’s the best way to give yourself credit, respect who you are, and honor your dreams. Relax—the time for this phase will soon pass.
- Remember, there will always be plenty of time to work and make money in the future, but your time to raise your kids is limited. Act accordingly.
- Don’t watch your favorite television shows while the kids are awake. TiVo them and watch when you can actually pay attention.
- Never worry that you’ll end up just like your mother. Don’t try too hard to do everything differently—you won’t be like her, no matter what!
- Red is powerful! Whether it’s flip-flops, cowboy boots, or heels, get yourself a pair.
- Never compare yourself to other moms. You were chosen to be the parent of your child, and no one else on the planet could do a better job.
- Avoid guilt! You did—and do—the best you can at the time. Let everything else go. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. Today is what you have to deal with, and that’s plenty.
- Whether it’s your child or spouse, if you suspect they’re lying, they probably are. Don’t waste your time trying to drag out the truth. Remember, all truths reveal themselves in time. Their lies are not your problem.
