Incidents like the shooting at Columbine have brought widespread attention to the epidemic of bullying in schools, making it seem like a new issue. The truth is that bullies have existed on playgrounds and in school hallways since the inception of education, and they are likely here to stay. In fact, even adults encounter bullies—whether in the grocery store line or the workplace. The most effective thing a parent can do is teach their child life skills and coping strategies to help them avoid being victimized by bullies in school and beyond.
Due to the media frenzy surrounding bullying and school violence, many parents fear sending their children to school each day. However, what few realize is that violent acts and crimes committed on school grounds during school hours have actually been steadily declining since 1994. According to statistics compiled by the Department of Justice and released by the National Department of Education, school violence, student threats, and other criminal activities are at low levels. On the other hand, around half of all students in grades 6-12 report experiencing persistent bullying at least once, with bullying being most common in sixth grade. Of these students, approximately one-third suffer physical injuries due to bullying incidents.
Fortunately, most school districts have implemented regulations that clearly define bullying and outline consequences for students. Additionally, cyberbullying, which occurs beyond school hours, is increasingly being classified as a criminal offense by both schools and local law enforcement. However, laws and rules alone do not protect children. What truly safeguards them is knowing how to prevent bullying before it even begins.
Before you can help your child, you must understand the psychology behind bullying. According to the National Institute of Psychology, a bully is “a person engaged in the pattern of deliberately harming and humiliating others.” Bullies are often empowered by their victims because their tactics typically succeed. If your child has been bullied, they were likely chosen due to traits such as a lack of assertiveness, insecurity, fear, reluctance to engage in aggression, a quiet nature, or a strong desire to fit in. Fortunately, parents can help in all these areas.
Teach Your Child to Be Assertive!
Start early by encouraging your child to speak their mind. Many parents emphasize politeness and avoiding hurt feelings, not realizing this can make a child more vulnerable. Instead, teach them to use their voice with phrases like: “I don’t want to do that,” “You can’t talk to me that way,” “I don’t have to do what you say,” or even, “You are nothing but a big bully!” Reinforce that no one has the right to touch them. If a child pushes or shoves them in gym class, they should respond firmly with, “Don’t push me.” Assertiveness is a crucial life skill. If your older child struggles to stand up for themselves, practice role-playing assertiveness at home. Teaching children to stand up for themselves can be done without violence.
Help Build Your Child’s Confidence!
Low self-esteem and poor confidence are common traits among bullying victims. Encourage your child to engage in activities that build character and confidence. While sports can be beneficial, not all children thrive in competitive environments. Instead, explore their interests in art, music, running, swimming, or book clubs. Drama or theatrical clubs in high school often attract large groups and provide a sense of belonging. Extracurricular activities also offer the protection of a group setting.
Teach Your Child About the Buddy System & Socialization
Bullies typically target isolated children. Encourage your child to walk with friends, eat lunch in a group, and limit the time they are alone. If they walk home, arrange for them to have a walking buddy. If they struggle to make friends, help them by organizing playdates or group activities. Research indicates that socially submissive children are more likely to be bullied, so fostering friendships is key.
Teach Your Child About Internet Safety and Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying among teens is at an all-time high, affecting an estimated 45% of children. The anonymity of online harassment can amplify its impact. If your child has a social media account, ensure you have access to monitor and delete harmful comments. Educate them about the consequences of negligent posting and how online actions can affect their school life and beyond.
Show Your Child You Understand Their Feelings
Children who experience bullying often feel isolated and fearful. Long-term bullying can even lead to depression in teens. Whether your child is in elementary or high school, ensure they know you understand their struggles. Share your own experiences or stories about bullies you encountered growing up. Find age-appropriate books on bullying. Let them know they are not alone and encourage them to connect with other students facing similar challenges. Many schools offer anti-bullying groups where they can find support.
Talk to Your Kids!
Never underestimate the power of open communication. In cases where bullying led to teen suicide, parents, teachers, and peers often recognized warning signs but did not take action. Ask your child about their school day beyond just the positive aspects. Encourage them to discuss the “mean kids” at school. Engaging in these conversations may provide critical clues that help prevent bullying before it escalates.
Show Your Child That They Have Options
Many parents advise their children not to hit first but to defend themselves if attacked. While understandable, a better strategy is teaching effective coping skills that keep them out of trouble. If standing up to a bully does not work, encourage your child to report the behavior to school authorities. Initially, they should attempt to handle it independently, but if the situation persists, step in and meet with administrators or law enforcement. Bullies rely on victims staying silent out of fear; make sure your child knows that threats are often empty.
Parental Involvement
Your involvement in your child’s school life is one of the strongest deterrents against bullying. Establish relationships with teachers, administrators, and classmates to create a supportive environment. Your presence boosts your child’s confidence and allows you to recognize potential vulnerabilities before bullying starts.
By equipping children with assertiveness, confidence, social skills, and a strong support system, parents can significantly reduce their risk of being bullied. Proactive steps today can shape a child’s future, empowering them to face life’s challenges with resilience and strength.
