How to Forgive a Cheater – Dealing with Infidelity

When you are in a relationship, you try not to think that you could be one of ‘those people’ forced to deal with infidelity. The following statistics, provided on behalf of will not make you feel any better. However, at least if you are trying to figure out how to forgive a cheater, you also won’t feel alone! According to their statistics, around 41% of people in all marriages admit to some sort of physical or emotional infidelity. In relationships as a while, around 57% of all men and 54% of all women admit to cheating. These statistics don’t take into account all the people that don’t admit to it. Perhaps even more startling is that around 2/3 of all men polled said they would have an affair if they knew wouldn’t get caught. And women, long seen as the loyal spouse fared no better with around 68% of them admitting they too would have an affair. And for many of these couples, the affair ends the marriage.

But what happens when couples decide to work things out after an affair. That leaves one partner trying to learn how to forgive a cheater? And is that even possible? Many experts say that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Can men and women who cheat change in such a way that they can become faithful, loving partners. The answers to these questions lie individually with every couple. Only you and your partner know for sure what you are capable of. You are the only ones who can decide for sure if moving forward, forgiving and giving a second chance is truly worth it. But there is some advice if you want to try and forgive a cheater!

5 Steps on How to Forgive a Cheater

  • The first step is diffusing your anger. This doesn’t mean that you cannot or should be mad. The trick however, is giving yourself as much time as you need to refuel your emotional batteries, to find a productive avenue for your anger and to decide that you will not deal with forgiving until you do so. This can mean a bit of separation between you and your partner, at least until you simmer down. Once you do you should voice everything you feel on your partner. Part of dealing with anger, is sharing it with the person who wronged you. If you don’t allow yourself to feel, vent or purge your anger you will not be able to forgive.
  • You need to decide, before you try and forgive, whether you are the kind of person that can! Some people can forgive and let go and move on. Others cannot. If you can’t, it is best to let go of the relationship. Decide what you will need in order to move past this point, and see if your partner will provide it. You may not even want to forgive. But pursuing a relationship that will constantly be a reminder of your hurt and pain is not fair to you. Sure, at first, you may feel justified in punishing your partner, but in the long run this is unhealthy and leaves you with a relationship that offers you nothing. Consider whether you are willing to gamble with being hurt again, and whether or not you will give your partner a real chance to earn trust back.
  • Research indicates that 2/3 of all affairs occur at the workplace. Is your partner willing and able to give up all ties with this person, even if it means moving their job. If your spouse cannot do this, and you are faced with the constant realization that your partner is still seeing his or her affair person every day, chances are the relationship has no chance. All ties have to be cut to this person in order for you to forgive. Is that a possibility?
  • When you consider how to forgive a cheater, the consequences of your decision have to be part of your thoughts. Can you accept the consequences of forgiving and can you accept the consequences of not forgiving. Remember, this isn’t your fault but your decision whether to move forward or not, may impact others. The only reason to reconcile shouldn’t be because you have kids at home who will be disappointed! Yet, you have to do what you feel is right and fair for all people involved.
  • Is your partner sincere? You know your partner by now. You know not only what they are capable of doing, but also how deeply they are capable of loving. The two of you will have to talk about the infidelity, why it occurred and what each other feels in order for the cheater to convince you that he or she is willing to make changes. Take time to reflect on the personality traits and characteristics of your partner and decide for yourself, whether or not you feel your partner’s apologies are sincere. Only you can answer this. If you don’t think they are, then move on.

Part of learning how to forgive a cheater, is learning how to let go. You can allow the infidelity to become a defining moment in your relationship that will be rehashed forever, or you can choose to let it go. Infidelity happens, most often when communication breaks down. But the truth is that there are men and women in this world that don’t feel sex with another person is cheating. You have to be willing to address these tough issues with your partner, and decide whether your differences are irreconcilable or not.



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