When you’re in a relationship, the thought of becoming one of “those people” dealing with infidelity is daunting. Statistics from www.infidelityfacts.com may not ease your concerns, but they can help you feel less alone if you’re grappling with how to forgive a cheater. According to their data, about 41% of individuals in marriages admit to physical or emotional infidelity. In relationships overall, approximately 57% of men and 54% of women confess to cheating. These numbers exclude those who don’t admit it. Even more surprising, around two-thirds of men polled said they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. Women, often seen as more loyal, were not far behind, with about 68% admitting they would consider an affair. For many couples, infidelity leads to the end of their marriage.
Exploring Forgiveness After Infidelity
But what happens when couples choose to work through an affair? How does one partner learn to forgive a cheater, and is it even possible? Experts suggest that past behavior often predicts future actions. Can those who cheat become faithful, loving partners? The answers differ for each couple. Only you and your partner can determine your capacity for forgiveness and whether moving forward with a second chance is worthwhile. If you’re considering forgiving a cheater, here are some steps to guide you.
Five Steps to Forgive a Cheater
- Diffuse Your Anger: It’s natural to feel angry, but you shouldn’t suppress it. Give yourself time to recharge emotionally, find a constructive outlet for your anger, and decide not to address forgiveness until you’re ready. This might require temporary separation from your partner until you calm down. Once ready, express your feelings openly to your partner. Sharing your anger with the person who wronged you is essential. If you don’t allow yourself to feel, vent, or process your anger, forgiveness will be difficult.
- Assess Your Ability to Forgive: Before attempting forgiveness, determine if you’re capable of letting go. Some people can forgive and move on; others cannot. If you can’t forgive, it may be healthier to end the relationship. Identify what you need to move forward and see if your partner can provide it. You might not want to forgive, and staying in a relationship that constantly reminds you of pain is unfair to yourself. Initially, punishing your partner may feel justified, but in the long run, this is unhealthy and leaves you with an unfulfilling relationship. Consider whether you’re willing to risk being hurt again and if you can genuinely give your partner a chance to rebuild trust.
- Sever Ties with the Affair Partner: Research shows that two-thirds of affairs occur in the workplace. Is your partner willing to cut all ties with the affair partner, even if it means changing jobs? If they cannot, and you’re constantly aware they’re still seeing that person daily, the relationship may have little chance of recovery. For forgiveness to be possible, all contact with the affair partner must end.
- Consider the Consequences: Reflect on the consequences of both forgiving and not forgiving. While the infidelity isn’t your fault, your decision to move forward or part ways may affect others, such as children. However, reconciling solely because of others, like disappointed children, isn’t enough. Make a choice that feels right and fair for everyone involved.
- Evaluate Your Partner’s Sincerity: You know your partner well, including their capacity for love and their actions. Discuss the infidelity, its causes, and each other’s feelings. Your partner must convince you of their willingness to change. Reflect on their personality and behavior to determine if their apologies are sincere. If you doubt their sincerity, it may be best to move on.
Learning to forgive a cheater requires letting go. You can let infidelity define your relationship, revisiting it endlessly, or choose to release it. Infidelity often arises from communication breakdowns, and some individuals don’t view sex with another person as cheating. Address these challenging issues with your partner to determine whether your differences are reconcilable. Forgiveness is a personal journey that demands honesty and courage.
