When you stood on the aisle in front of God and your friends; decided that the person holding your hand was you forever person…you never thought of divorce. But probably more than half of the people witnessing this special event were thinking in their own heads whether or not you would actually make it! Sure, they offered you their blessings but what they were really were thinking was whether or not Joe husband would really be okay never having a home cooked meal or whether Jane wife would really be able to handle a man who couldn’t hold down a job for more than 4 months! Today; you may be standing at the same spot – wondering about whether or not you made a bad decision when you picked your life mate. You might be wondering about the “how to know when its time for divorce” signs and signals; just so you can be sure before you contact an attorney!
Not to disappoint – but the fact remains that there is no one way to know when the time has come to call it quits. For a lot of people this is a decision and process of thoughts that can take months or even years to come to fruition. But it is true that marriage is meant to offer two people abundance, happiness, love, companionship and if you aren’t getting any of this from a marriage; you might be better off seeking greener pastures.
There is always something else to consider. Any one who has been married for any length of time will tell you that the marital relationships are subject to waves of affection. There can be long stretches of time where you find you dislike your spouse and feel unhappy in their presence only to feel a renewed sense of love arise eventually. Marriage consists of two people who often grow up, apart, away and back together in different cycles. In the heat of life when circumstances and situations seem intent on destroying your marriage it is easy to just quit. Sometimes if you wait it out though you will see that it was just a temporary phase. That makes the question of how to know when its time for divorce even more difficult to answer.
Of course there are a couple of scenarios that may just be the answer you are looking for. Infidelity can be one. If you are the type of person who will never quite get over it, let it go and try to move forward than it is best for your own sake to just end the marriage. If you think you can work through it without allowing it to destroy you; stick it out. Anytime physical or mental abuse is present it is also time to let go. Few people change in this manner and are usually backed by a lifetime of habitual abusing. Thinking it will get better only prolongs an ugly situation. If you are constantly seeking the attention of someone else to fill a void that is being left by your spouse; probably a good time to let go of the marriage as well. This could simply mean that your partner doesn’t partner you in the ways that you need to sustain a fruitful existence.
Other reasons to end a marriage include constant and persistent lying. Either you are lying or the one being lied to. Marriage needs a certain degree of honesty about things in order to survive and people wrapped up with habitual liars or who feel they have to lie themselves to be accepted signals a much deeper problem about the connection between the two of you. Your life will be happier without someone who either lies to you or makes you feel like you have to lie all the time to avoid an argument.
More marriages end over money than just about any other issue. This is perhaps one area that shouldn’t direct your need to leave. Money is what it is and it will always come and go in life. Your money problems may not be about the marriage and be more about you.
Are you staying together for the sake of the children?
Lots of people stay together for the kids when in fact divorcing the kids may be a better option. Never think you are doing your children a favor by remaining miserable. Never be one of those people waiting until the right time to end a relationship. You deserve to be happy and if you are counting down the days until your children go to college just so you can finally be free and live; it is time to end the marriage. Your family will still exist without the rings and may even be a happier place that can provide much more nurturing and more positive moments for your children if you choose to divorce for the children’s sake. No child wants to live in a home where the parents are angry, abrasive, cold and resentful!
Probably the biggest way to learn how to know when its time for divorce is to listen to those thoughts running through your head that you rarely say out loud. If they are constantly begging you to get out or get away and if they are often filled with day dreams of what your life would be like without your spouse; listen! That is called intuition. Although every couple feels that way at certain times there is a big difference between being upset about something and being regretful about the vows you took.
Marriage was designed to be forever long before men and women were allowed to have autonomy in thought. Life is about being happy and about being able to offer the world more with your gifts. A bad, unhappy marriage can stifle your energy and your innate right to live your own life on your own terms finding the miracle of happiness with every breath. Your relationship is supposed to add and support that; not take away from it. Like most things in life, knowing when to say when – is a gift of insight that can save you.
“Marriage was designed to be forever long before men and women were allowed to have autonomy in thought. Life is about being happy and about being able to offer the world more with your gifts. A bad, unhappy marriage can stifle your energy and your innate right to live your own life on your own terms finding the miracle of happiness with every breath. Your relationship is supposed to add and support that; not take away from it. Like most things in life, knowing when to say when – is a gift of insight that can save you.”
Then WHY get married? If life is all about being happy….no one should get married because there WILL BE times when there is unhappiness.
You got married to that girl not realizing that having one flavor ice cream would be tiresome, but before that sameness became a big problem, you took a back seat to the kids she gave you and were stuck there enduring years of being just their provider until they were grown and finished with college. Then you thought “it will be like before the kids arrived”, but no, she is now lazy, fat and just wants you to work until you die while she goofs off. Having a bad time at work? – she does not want to hear about it. Sex? It is as if you are 14 again – go take care of it on your own like you did then… You sit there in disbelief, but not for long – it is soon time for her to take care of her elderly parents and you have to endure hearing about it in tiresome detail while her older and younger brothers don’t help at all. Then you realize that at 60, the “game over” lamp is illuminating for you as your hearing, eyesight and energy wanes. You never cheated, you hoped you would matter again someday (more than just being her wage slave), but nope. And now you can’t go back for a do over, so you find yourself praying for a fast acting cancer in your body or a merciful car accident on the way home from work that can deliver your body and mind from the sorry life you now have. You know that time travel did not get invented before you died, because if it had, you would have gladly given every penny you ever earned to go back in time to 1980 and not get married. This is my true life story. If you get married, it can be your story too. Whether you are a young man or a young woman, just run away now, live a life of sin, spend every penny on wine, dancing, beach vacations and when needed, engage “paid (or volunteer or borrowed) companions for sex”. Make every effort you can to succumb to STD’s (or a companions jealous spouse’s bullet wound) before you hit 60. Get yourself a cemetery headstone carved before you need it, with this inscription: “Look thee well as ye pass by, for as you are so once was I. And as I am soon ye shall be, prepare thyself to follow me….”