Out of all the things that parents have to endure in their role as mom or dad, whining is perhaps the most annoying. The sound of a child whining is far more debilitating than fingernails on a chalkboard and can cause even the best parents to become frustrated quickly. As soon as the sound begins to emerge from your child’s throat, your entire body tenses up, and you immediately question everything you have ever done for your child – knowing in that moment that you have overindulged and created a spoiled brat. In other words, you feel like a terrible parent!
The problem is that if you have a child who whines all the time (and who doesn’t?), teaching them to stop is difficult. This is compounded by the fact that it is often easier to give in and have them stop whining than it is to teach them a lesson. But you’ve got to do it, no matter how painful.
Identifying the Cause of Whining
Step one if your child is a whiner is to figure out why. Are they cranky? Are they getting enough sleep? Are they whining because a need of theirs isn’t being met, or are they simply trying to get your attention? If they are whining to get attention, have you taught them that whining is what gets it? Is your child overly sensitive to things around them? When you begin to approach the question of how to stop a child from whining from this angle, you will be better able to determine the root cause of the problem.
Some kids whine because that is the only way to get their parents’ attention (even if it’s negative), and they have learned through trial and error that whining works. For example, a two-year-old will whine incessantly to be picked up, because they know that mom will always pick them up. If it works, then why not?
If your child whines because they simply don’t know how to control their emotions, use their words, or find acceptable means of communication, then you need to think about what you need to teach them. For young children, it’s crucial to make it clear that you will not respond to whining (in any form). Empower them to find a fully acceptable way of communicating without whining, and you may see a change. Some kids don’t even realize they are whining. You need to be direct with them, without irritation, and tell them, “You are whining, and until you can talk to me without whining, I will not listen!” End of story. Then, you must do the hard part, which is to follow through. Don’t keep reminding them of the rules, don’t further frustrate yourself, and definitely don’t give in.
Whining can also be a symptom of stress and depression in children. Even young children can show signs of mental anguish that manifest as whining. They may be so frustrated by their feelings and their inability to express themselves that they don’t know what else to do. If there is family trouble going on, you will probably notice an increase in whining. If this is the case with your child, learning how to get them to stop whining involves understanding what is causing the issue. Sometimes, things are obvious with children, but you can never be sure how they feel at school, how they are being treated by others, or how they feel about things that are important to them. So, ask. Teach your child that they can talk to you about anything, and that their emotional whining may be triggered by stress.
Speaking of triggers, it is essential for parents to notice what causes their child to whine. Do they only whine when they don’t get their way, or do they seem to whine only when certain people are around? It’s common for children to pick up on cues from people like grandparents, learning that whining will be more useful and acceptable in those situations. If this is the case, talk to these other grown-ups and make sure you enforce your “no whining” rules even in front of company. Kids rely on the fact that just as they will have better manners when Uncle Harry is visiting, so will mom and dad. And whining can follow.
How to get your child to stop whining can actually be a simple task. You probably don’t have to look far to realize that your child whines because it works. Essentially, your kid is trying to wear you down like an eraser, and they probably even pick times of the day when you are most tired or frustrated to start whining. This can be a combination of your emotions and the fact that they know you don’t have much fight left in you. If they whine and you’ve already worked through the reasons behind it, given them alternative behavioral methods, and enforced the fact that you won’t engage in the whining, you must find a discipline strategy.
One effective method (especially with young children) is to reward them when they don’t whine. When you see your child asking politely, waiting, and showing self-control, you can reward them with something meaningful to them. After they’ve filled up a jellybean or penny jar, they can earn a prize. The prize doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, but rather something they would have previously whined about to get.
One more thing: There are plenty of parents who whine too. If mommy whines to daddy, or whines to the kids – and it works for you – then your children are being taught that this is an acceptable way to behave. As a parent, you have to be careful about what you say in front of your children, whether you are whining to your own mother or a bill collector. Your children are always listening.
