Navigating Your Child’s Public Temper Tantrums
It never fails: right in the middle of a store or restaurant, your child decides to throw a temper tantrum. Screeching and acting as if possessed by a poltergeist, they leave parents baffled and, more often than not, deeply embarrassed. Even though your child is only four, the social ramifications of their public outbursts can be mortifying. You may find yourself uninvited to playgroup outings, and friends who are fine hanging out at your house hesitate to venture out with you and your child. While temper tantrums in public are common, they’re something no parent enjoys. Unfortunately, even if you’re not in the mood, your child might be. Knowing how to stop these tantrums quickly is essential.
The first instinct is often to give in and make excuses. As you hand your child the $6 box of chocolate, hoping they’ll quiet down, you retreat to another part of the store, hoping to avoid the judgmental stares. “Oh, he’s tired,” you might babble, excusing your child’s behavior. What you may not realize is that this reaction—or lack of action—could be encouraging their outbursts. The second common response is to deliver an authoritative message, complete with a pointed finger and furrowed brow, perhaps even a light pat on the backside to show you’re in control. This, too, draws strange looks from others and often escalates the situation. Do either of these responses sound familiar? If so, how’s your approach to stopping public temper tantrums working? If you’re reading this, likely not well.
Strategies for Managing and Preventing Tantrums
So, what should you do to stop temper tantrums in public? First, adopt the mindset that it’s all part of the parenting job. Today, it’s your child; tomorrow, it could be that disapproving mom with her seemingly perfect kids learning about karma firsthand. Motherhood isn’t a competition, and children will act up—it’s how they learn, and they have much to learn about life. As a parent, you’re responsible for teaching them how to behave in public.
Often, you can predict how an outing will go before leaving the house. For children under six who typically nap, plan your errands around their schedule. This might seem indulgent, but it’s the best way to avoid pitfalls like temper tantrums. Dragging a cranky or sleep-deprived child to the supermarket is asking for trouble—adults struggle to function when tired, so why expect more from a child? Instead, schedule errands when your child is rested. Another trick is to offer a small snack, like apple sticks or fries, to keep them content in the cart. Pack a Ziploc with grapes and a cookie for a happier shopping trip. If dining out, make it special by ordering something fun for your child and bringing table-friendly entertainment.
Preventing tantrums also requires forethought. Taking a young child to a china shop or upscale restaurant is a recipe for disaster—consider a babysitter instead. As soon as your child can understand, set clear expectations. Before entering a store, explain what they can and cannot do. If a tantrum seems imminent, get down to their level and calmly discuss their behavior. Offer choices: if they want to walk instead of ride in the cart, make it contingent on staying close. Giving them options teaches responsibility.
Children thrive on clear expectations, and no walking child is too young to understand what’s expected. Stopping a tantrum in progress takes patience. Ignore the screams, pleas, or floor-rolling. Calmly tell them you won’t respond to such behavior, scoop them up, and carry on. Don’t abandon your groceries or give in to their demands, and never let them see you flustered. Speak calmly—they look to you for self-control—and proceed. If the tantrum disrupts others, like in a restaurant or library, remove them briefly to address the behavior, but don’t hide. Hiding teaches children they can manipulate you with tantrums, and even a two-year-old can learn this tactic.
Ignore the stares from others—everyone has faced a tantrum at some point. Stay in control, say a prayer if needed, and keep going. Once the tantrum is over, let it go. Don’t rehash it when you get home, berate them in the car, or hold a grudge. Later, discuss the incident calmly, asking what they could do differently next time and why they were upset. It might be as simple as being told they couldn’t have a lollipop, and that’s okay. The sooner they learn to accept “no,” follow rules, and show respect in public, the easier your life will be. This takes time and discipline on your part.
Yes, temper tantrums are embarrassing, but once you master stopping them in public, you’ll be ready for the next parenting adventure—perhaps keeping your child from sneaking candy at the checkout. Whatever it is, it too shall pass.
