Interestingly enough, being married takes work! Not necessarily being married itself, but staying married requires a lifelong ebb and flow of giving and taking that naturally balances out the stress, responsibility, and nirvana that being in love can bring. For many married couples, children, jobs, and other life events come into play, and the marriage gets set on the back burner where it’s easily forgotten. By the time we remember it, the marriage can feel soured and burned—stuck to the pot of life like soot on a fireplace. Stripping it back down is difficult and time-consuming, yet vital to the long-term success of any marriage. Of course, there are plenty of things married couples can do to strengthen their relationship on an ongoing basis. This doesn’t guarantee that the soot won’t develop, but at least it can clear the conscience of couples on the brink of divorce, knowing they did everything they could!
With the world moving at such a fast pace, it’s almost strange that matrimony and monogamy still hold such significance. We live in an age where we can fulfill our every need with a click of a mouse or through some international (real or not) relationship. It almost seems like the art of picking flowers where we live is a thing of the past. Perhaps this reflects the greatest human need—love: to give it and to receive it in the physical and emotional sense. After all, you can’t hold hands online! For these reasons, it’s always a good idea to spend each day doing the little things (and big things) that shout how much you truly love your spouse. At least for half the time. The other half should be spent remembering that, no matter how close you get in a marriage, we are all individuals, and it’s impossible to get something from someone else that you don’t have to give in the first place. In simpler terms—work on yourself!
Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage
So how do you strengthen a marriage? The answer may be different for every married couple, but there are some broad-spectrum things all of us can do to keep our marriages strong. Here are a few of the top 10—listed in no specific order:
- Take the time to talk every day about things that don’t really matter. Whether through email, text, or a quick phone call, maintaining that private connection between just the two of you is key. Develop inside jokes, make up catchphrases, and make fun of others together! This bonding helps maintain a strong connection, no matter how childish it may seem. Plus, it gives you a special language that you can use in front of family, children, or in public without worrying about anyone else understanding you. It’s fun and useful!
- If you have kids, get away from them as often as possible! You’ll enjoy their company more when you see them again and get some uninterrupted adult conversation. (Yes, kids can get annoying!)
- Don’t be afraid to have a separate life. If one of you loves golf and the other enjoys the beach, be respectful and encourage each other to follow your passions. Stripping someone of their interests will only lead to resentment, which is often directed at a spouse—even if they had nothing to do with it. Remember, you were two individuals before marriage, and you still are! You don’t have to share everything. Who wants to go fishing with someone who hates fishing?
- Sometimes, don’t be completely honest! Honesty can be overrated. Know when to speak and when to remain quiet. Similarly, know when to stop talking and when to keep going. Marriage isn’t about winning or always being right. Many people argue with the goal of proving their point. If your spouse doesn’t see things from your perspective, agree to disagree and move on! Disagreements are a natural part of life. If your spouse does something that seems crazy to you, sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut. It’s okay to go to bed angry. Some things are best left unsaid. If this is a two-way street, it’s usually appreciated. Remember, words are like toothpaste—once they’re out, you can’t take them back!
- Have sex! Quickies, long sessions (if that’s even a thing), in the car, in bed, in the shower… just make sure it happens! No sex, or lack of it, is a surefire sign of brewing trouble. Even if you’re mad, tired, or just not in the mood—just do it!
- Sleep well! If your spouse steals the covers, hogs pillows, or insists on spooning when it drives you crazy, don’t sleep in the same bed! Nothing irritates people more or puts them in a bad mood faster than lack of sleep. (Just ask new parents!) Who cares if you sleep in separate beds? It’s the time you’re awake together that matters. The longer you’re married, the more sense this will make!
- Have two TVs with two remotes in two separate rooms! Otherwise, that resentment thing will come back!
- Don’t get caught up in routines! This is a big one. Couples whose lives are dictated by schedules, routines, and tasks related to kids or work often struggle. Stay flexible and spontaneous. If you’re always focused on being productive, you’ll forget the most important parts of your relationship. Interestingly, many couples start routines for the sake of their kids, but continue them for their own sake!
- Bring home flowers, chocolate, candy, or even a 12-pack. Whatever it is your spouse likes, make sure you bring it home often! Nothing feels better than knowing your spouse is thinking of you when you’re not around. Instead of buying the kids three pairs of pants, buy them two and get your husband a new drill!
- Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t rehash old arguments or hold on to past hurts. Each day should be a fresh start, not one of regret or resentment. The past only hurts you if you allow it. If you keep living in the past, focusing on what your spouse did or said, you’re doomed. Every morning, let go of the past and breathe new life into your marriage. Strengthening your marriage often involves forgetting, forgiving, and moving forward together!
