Something seems odd about your relationship. You cannot put your finger on it exactly, but there just is something that bothers you. You may wonder if you are being misled – and then second-guess yourself for thinking that. Could the new love in your life be married? Chances are they could. Today, with the explosion of internet dating and long distance match-ups, it is important for people do their research and make sure that the person they are dating…is exactly who they say they are, marital status included. Luckily, just like the internet makes it easy for couples to meet – it also makes it easy for people to pursue some sleuth like behavior of their own and tell if someone is married or not. Ultimately, however – marital status can be hidden – and it is up to you to look for clues and hints.
First of all, realize that according to Online Dating Magazine reporting on a study by MSNBC, around 1/3 of all people seeking relationships online are already married. Why do they lie? The study seemed to conclude that these men and women lying about their marital status are simply trying to ‘get their kicks’ by getting other men or women to stroke their ego, without feeling like they have crossed the line into infidelity. Keep in mind that emotional infidelity is often more detrimental to a relationship than actual sexual infidelity.
There are some warning signals that may indicate the person of interest in your life is married. However, before you even begin, you should choose online dating communities that work extra hard to protect their clients. Look at the FAQ page and see what they do to tell if people are married or not. While some have some pretty extensive but not fool proof sign up procedures, others like UDATE – have little. It is in your best interest to go with dating sites that are respected and work to filter out folks who are just looking for a cheap thrill at the expense of your heart. Next step is to keep your head out of the clouds and look for these warning signs.
One obvious sign that someone may be in another relationship is failure to post a picture. If you meet someone online, and they refuse to post a picture, a little warning light should go off in their head. Additionally, if the picture he or she does post is very obscure – think twice. In fact, demand that the person send you a picture. Obviously, married people don’t want their mug shot pasted all over dating sites…but they may be willing to email it to you. When they do, look for discrepancies, even searching the properties of the jpeg file that may indicate it was simply lifted off the internet.
If you are in an online dating situation – look for men that are overly eager to initiate conversations. This isn’t bad, but when you notice that they seem to be leaving a lot of details out about their own life, things should look suspicious. Normal people should not be afraid to share work phone numbers or email accounts with one another. If there is hesitation, even if the excuses seem plausible, you might need to be extra careful.
Another indirect way to tell if someone is married or not is to keep track of how well (or unwell) they respond to you. If you notice that your ‘friend’ doesn’t seem to have any communication with you beyond working hours, you might want to wonder why. Some people will lie and say that they work at night, when the reality is it is when they are home with their spouse or family. Similarly, if weekends are a problem of if they go often a few days without any response – you should be suspicious. Obviously, as the relationship gets more serious, you shouldn’t be left alone on holidays or be unable to reach your significant other at night. Another hint, may be if he is responding very late at night rather than during peak times during the day. In other words, look for signs that you are part of his or her routine life, rather than simply the obscure one he or she might be leading.
If you are dating someone, eventually you will meet his or her friends or family. However, if it seems that there is never an opportunity to meet anyone in his life – you might suspect something is fishy. Most people have at the very least acquaintances that they will WANT to introduce you to. If they don’t, something is odd.
If you have inklings that something isn’t quite right, you should listen to them. It may not be just learning to tell if someone is married, but also ensuring that you are safe with the person you are dating. A simple Google search on people can normally bring back something. It is up to YOU, to decide what that something is. You can also use resources like Linked In, checking employment or company databases to see if the person you are dating exists. Look through public records and if you are really concerned pay the small one time fee to get some information. If you listen very carefully – people will leave clues about their lives that can help you do some sleuthing of your own right at home.
Here’s another thing. If you feel like something isn’t right about a person, maybe you should just follow your gut. You don’t have to give long explanations or even wait around until your ‘feelings’ are verified by some behavior. Dating is about finding someone compatible, and who feels right to you. If you are overly worried about whether someone is lying to you or married, chances are there is something in the relationship that is not right. Take it as a warning sign.