At some point in your life, you will feel like you are being lied to. It might be your parents, your children, your friends, or your spouse doing the lying. Although you may not be able to put your finger on exactly what makes you suspicious, you know that something is off. This feeling is called intuition, and everyone has it. For some people, their intuition about whether they are being lied to is stronger than for others. However, for many, this intuition can be clouded by jealousy, insecurity, and even distrust, which corrodes the natural ability to detect lies. This is why it is so important to learn how to tell if someone is lying.
How to Spot a Lie
There are several indicative clues you can use to determine if someone is lying. For one, body language often speaks louder than words. Some of the most common aspects of body language that can accurately predict dishonesty include the following: It’s a natural instinct to avoid making eye contact when you aren’t telling the truth. Of course, many people avoid eye contact because they are shy or timid as well. But if you ask someone who is comfortable with you a direct question and they immediately look away, it’s a red flag for dishonesty.
Private detectives and professional interrogators also watch for people who constantly touch their face, throat, or mouth. While people may not make many arm movements when lying, when they do, it’s often directed towards one of these three regions. Another common sign is the act of touching or scratching the nose. One way to double-check this response is to ask the same question at different times. If the reaction remains the same, you might be dealing with a little white lie.
If you want to tell if someone is lying, and the person is close to you, try observing them when they tell little white lies to others. What you’ll notice is that they follow a consistent pattern of behavior when they lie, no matter who they’re telling the lie to.
Timing is also critical when detecting a lie. You’ll notice that when people lie, they may stutter or seem caught off guard. They may slow down or speed up how quickly they speak, and their gestures can become erratic. Look for timing discrepancies, such as a smile that doesn’t accompany a verbal response, or vice versa. For example, if you ask your husband if he likes the new meal you cooked, an honest response would include a pleased facial expression along with words that correspond. But if he says, “It’s great!” and smiles afterwards rather than during, you can bet he will be ordering takeout as soon as you go to bed. In other words, look for responses that seem fake.
You can also tell if someone is lying by gauging their reaction. Obviously, if you’re in a heated conversation or accusing someone of something they didn’t do, they will immediately get defensive. However, if simple statements or questions cause them to go off on an unnecessary defensive tangent, that’s a sign of dishonesty. If this defensiveness is coupled with an immediate look or head turn away from you, it’s an outward expression of dishonesty. Many people who lie will unconsciously place objects between themselves and the person they are talking to. This is a tactic used by police investigators. They place objects on the table and observe whether the suspect moves them. If the suspect consistently places an object between them and the investigator when asked the same question, it signals they should continue their investigation in that area. The object could be something as simple as a lighter, coffee cup, or book — or as complex as a door.
By nature, most people know that lying is wrong. It makes them uncomfortable and triggers a noticeable physical reaction. This is why lie detector tests work, as they monitor the internal, subconscious responses to lying. Similarly, when you’re trying to tell if someone is lying, you may notice that they make a concerted effort not to lie. They might avoid the question or respond with a question of their own. They may also turn the question around or displace their own guilty feelings onto the person they are speaking with. In detailed studies of lying, people often omit pronouns or alter the context in which they use them. Most often, those who are lying have a completely different way of speaking, which can be quite obvious to someone who knows them well. This is why pathologists trained to detect lies often videotape a person’s normal tone during a typical conversation so they can compare it to how they speak when being questioned.
So… are you getting the facts or just a bunch of fiction? While it’s helpful to arm yourself with the knowledge of how to detect lies, you cannot go through life assuming everyone is being dishonest. The truth is, while some of these characteristics may be present when someone is lying, there may be other factors at play. Overanalyzing the situation and becoming a self-appointed deputy of the truth may end up causing more harm than good. Also, while being lied to is frustrating, is the truth always something you can handle more easily? Sometimes, people lie to protect your feelings, rather than covering up a deep, dark secret. Each of us has certain things we don’t want to admit to ourselves, let alone others. The balance comes when you decide which truths matter to you, and when you decide whom you can trust. More often than not, people know when they are being lied to, even if they don’t consciously acknowledge it. Trust your intuition and remember that once someone lies to you, it’s unlikely they will ever backtrack and admit the truth.
