You tell your dog all the time that you love him. It’s easy to share this sentiment with your Great Aunt Sally, and you certainly aren’t shy about singing the ‘I love you’ praises to a delicious bowl of chocolate ice cream—especially after a long, hard day. So why is it so difficult to tell someone you’re dating that you love them? The word “love” and expressions of love are among the most overused and commonly inserted emoticons in nearly every language. Yet, when it comes to telling your boyfriend or girlfriend of eight months that you “l…o…v…e” them, even grown-ups can turn to Jell-O.
It makes you wonder: Is there an appropriate way to tell someone that you love him or her? If you fear that saying the “L” word will ruin your relationship, how do you proceed? Should the guy say it first? And how long is long enough to know for sure that what you’re feeling is love, not just lust?
What makes saying this out loud so difficult is, of course, the fear of rejection. What if you say those fateful words, lean in for a kiss, and then get denied? Suddenly, this person to whom you just bared your soul might want to break up with you—or worse, say the four little words that are never good: “We need to talk!” It’s no wonder you’re a nervous wreck.
When telling someone you love them, timing is essential. You definitely don’t want to tell them when they’re sloppy drunk or in the middle of passionate sex; chances are, their response at those moments will have nothing to do with you or love! Additionally, proclaiming your love in front of a group is a big no-no. For instance, proposing at the same time as saying “I love you” is not advisable. It’s better to find out whether or not you’re loved in return before asking for someone’s hand in marriage. Avoid flying a banner over a beer league softball game that says, “Joe – I love you… hope you feel the same, Susan,” or making any public proclamations that could embarrass you or your partner. Instead, express those three little words during a private moment, especially one where the two of you are enjoying candlelight, a walk, or something romantic. Watching a hysterical movie (or a porno) together isn’t what’s meant by “romantic!” You get the picture.
Speaking of timing, one unwritten rule in how to tell someone you love them is to wait an ample amount of time before deciding you do. This means that a second date—no matter how connected you feel—is not appropriate. The same goes for a third, fourth, or even a fifth date. Sure, some people experience love at first sight, but that is rare! A good measure of time is around six months. Even if your feelings are there long before then, try to hold your tongue until you get to know the person better. Saying “I love you” too early can scare off your prospective partner and may make you appear over the top, pushy, or desperate.
Who Should Say “I Love You” First
As for who should say it first—man or woman—the jury is still out. In many ways, if you wait for a guy to shout it out, you might be waiting a long time. Many men have issues with expressing such emotions. On the flip side, there are some men that fall in love with any female who will agree to date them. However, generally speaking, men tend to be more reserved and may never say it first—or even respond with “I love you too” if you take the risk and say it first.
We live in a modern world where females, who are often more impatient by nature, may not want to wait. If you feel that way and you’re sober, go ahead and see what happens with a well-placed “I love you.” You never know; there’s a good chance he feels the same. Taking risks is part of life and love, and at the very least, you won’t be wasting any time if he doesn’t reciprocate.
So, let’s pretend you decide that tonight is the night. Do you call him or her and tell them you love them? Do you write a letter? The method you choose to express your love is also important. Here’s why: If you do it over the phone, you’ll always wonder what sort of face they made when you said it. But you’ll never know, and this could drive you crazy for a long time. If there’s a huge pause, is it because he or she is cringing or because they are welling up with tears? The same goes for a letter. And if you’re a woman, be aware that most guys aren’t going to read your entire letter. What if the “I love you” is right where the new SportsCenter comes on, and they miss it? Then, if they don’t respond, you’ll assume it means something bad. Another reason a letter isn’t a good idea is that it leaves a paper trail! If the “I love you” moment goes poorly, you definitely don’t want a scanned copy of your letter ending up on Facebook.
The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with loving someone (unless you just met him or her an hour ago). If you’re feeling some intense emotions, you can bet your significant other is likely feeling them too. You have two choices: wait it out and wonder, or go ahead and say the words and have the talk. In this author’s humble opinion, the second option is proactive, prevents wasting time, is honest, and might just lead to something good. So go for it!
