All across the world, women pace through their houses or drive their souped-up minivans down the road, wondering how they can break the news to their husbands that they no longer want to be life partners. Many of them have been mulling this over for years, while others are simply upset due to a forgotten anniversary or a recurring manly idiosyncrasy that seems to happen much too often! These poor women have tried withholding sex, even turned into nagging versions of their own mothers in a futile attempt to make their husbands say it first—but so far, no luck! Just like everything else, they must do it themselves. The question is: How do you tell your husband you want a divorce when turning into a horrible wife just won’t work?
Creative Ways to Drop the Divorce Bomb
The faint-hearted or those married to combative and argumentative husbands might send them an email or slip a note in their briefcase. This way, the husband finds it when he’s away from home, and you won’t have to endure hours of talking about it—oh, how women dread that! Those who are braver could simply take a Sharpie marker and write it backward on their husband’s windshield. That would give him something to think about on his way to work. For the more bold or daring women, telling your husband’s boss or best friend might be the way to go, hoping they’ll slip up and break the news before you actually do. This way, there’s no bad guy—except for the poor soul who blabbed. This method can even be retracted if the divorce request was made out of irritation. To save face, you could just claim that your husband’s boss or coworker was hitting on you, which led you to make such a bold statement!
Many women have had what they thought were private conversations with their friends, only to find that as soon as their husband walks in the door, their sweet little daughter exclaims, “Hi Daddy, guess what? Mommy’s divorcing your butt!” This never goes over well and is certainly not recommended.
It might be a cute and romantic idea to introduce the idea of divorce with the same smoothness that your husband introduced marriage—just try to stay sober! Maybe an airplane flying over your house with a banner that says, “Joe, you are an SOB and I’m out of here. Love, Edna” would be nice—especially on a Saturday when you know your husband will be sitting on his riding lawnmower, pot belly hanging over his shorts, with a cold beer in his hand. How attractive is that, right? Don’t forget to add a smiley face to the banner for that perfect touch! If none of these ideas seem to suffice, you could always just disappear as quickly as the money in your checking account, leaving a note on the stripped-down pillow in the bed you once shared. It’s a bit cowardly, but it gets the job done!
When to Consider Divorce: A Deep Reflection
For those women caught up in the sentimental pity that thinking about divorce often causes, the question isn’t how to tell your husband you want a divorce, but whether or not you actually want one! This question can be answered rather easily. If every time your husband walks into the room, you feel your blood pressure rising, it might be time for a divorce. If sleeping next to him or the thought of him without clothes makes you feel as though you just ate a rotten egg sandwich, it’s definitely time for a divorce. If you spend endless hours every day feeling like you’re in prison, dreaming about what life would be like on the other side, or blaming your husband for everything from your wrinkles to the C-section scars on your belly, it’s time to seriously think about divorce. Double-checking life insurance policies and wondering how long it will take for your husband’s smoking habit to catch up with him—more than five times a week—may also signal that the marriage is over.
Let’s be realistic: There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t have their breaking point. After 20 years with the same man, who leaves his dirty laundry in the same place and always forgets to put the toilet seat down, things can get old. When they still don’t understand that having a beer with the guys on Friday is NOT more important than coming home to help with the kids, and when a real compliment has nothing to do with the food you resentfully cooked for him or the hot body of your best friend, it might be time to move on. No matter how much time you spend with someone, there comes a time when a lack of respect, love, intimacy, or emotion leaves a wife feeling empty. The sad part is, women often put up with it for years. Most women try to make the best of it and try to talk things out with their husbands, only to be met with rolling eyes or “Can this wait until after the game is over?” By the time a woman is considering how to tell her husband she wants a divorce, it’s usually too late. It’s all too little, too late.
Regardless of how you do it, telling someone you want a divorce should only be done when it’s absolutely 100% the truth. It’s one of those statements that can’t be retracted once it’s said, and it changes the course of the relationship forever. The choice is yours: Make it funny or crazy, daring or smooth, sassy or bold—or even sappy and sad. Just make sure that if divorce is truly what you dream about, you do yourself a favor and find the words to make the changes in your life that will leave you happy. Life is too short to waste time in a bad marriage!
