Summer has just passed, and with Halloween only weeks away, stores are already filling up with Christmas decorations. Commercials on kids’ channels are now a symphony of the “latest and greatest” new toys on the market, which get children excitedly watching and saying, “I want this, and I need that, Mommy!” Meanwhile, you’re balancing a budget that has you feeling seasick, as if your family boat could capsize into an uncertain financial sea at any moment. The routine costs of everyday life, such as groceries and fuel, have nearly doubled or tripled since 2009, and around 57% of families are already living well above their means.
Handling the Pressure of Financial Expectations
So, how do you manage the pressure to give your children what they want while staying true to what you can actually afford? It’s natural for parents to want to provide their children with the things they desire, to create a life for them that compares to the “Joneses.” But are parents today setting the bar too high? Is fulfilling every want, need, and whim healthy for children? And most importantly, when and how do you decide as a family that it’s time to stop pretending to have more than you really do?
It’s important for parents to realize that the economic class system isn’t going away. Regardless of what you have (or don’t have), there will always be families with more or less. Comparing yourselves—and allowing your children to compare themselves—to classmates or friends is a behavior that should be discouraged as early as possible. Focusing on what others have, and what you don’t have, is an unhealthy mindset that breeds ungratefulness—in both parents and children. Children are naturally expectant creatures who have no real understanding of the fact that ‘things’ in life cost money. It’s never too soon to start educating your children about money, budgeting, and financial management.
You also need to consider that the bar you set RIGHT NOW for your children will likely be the same bar they try to live by their entire lives. It’s more important to provide happiness, togetherness, and powerful memories that aren’t tied to money than it is for your child to receive the best gifts or drive around in the most expensive car. In the long run, your children will not only be more grateful, but they will also be better equipped to handle the financial challenges of life.
Additionally, children need to learn that the quality of life is not measured by the quantity of things. Sure, your neighbors may be taking twice-yearly trips to Disney while your family is camping on the beach. You may buy your kids two or three small presents for Christmas, while a classmate gets fifteen. Just as it isn’t fair for them to judge you for your financial choices, it isn’t fair for you to judge them either. In other words, create traditions and habits in your family that make you feel secure. Coveting what others have, or assuming they have triple mortgages on their homes, only shows that you feel threatened or fearful that you aren’t “doing enough” for your family.
It’s also crucial for children to understand the difference between needs and wants. When a child tells you they “need” the $85 Angel jeans, or that they “need” their birthday party at American Girl, explain the difference between what they need and what they want. Teach them that it is perfectly normal—and even healthy—to want things, but that everything comes with a price tag. For example, if your teen insists on expensive jeans or a Kavu bag, rather than something from TJ Maxx, consider having them sacrifice getting “more stuff” in exchange for the brands they think they need. Another approach is to give your children a set amount of money and teach them how to budget, making decisions that balance their real needs with their “wants.”
For many parents, the pressure to provide, give, and help children measure up is overwhelming. It takes courage to give up things like cable TV or to stop worrying about keeping up with someone else’s standards. But not necessarily as much as you might think. Peer pressure, at any age, can only exist if the victim allows it. The bottom line is that inequity is a fact of life, but the choices each parent makes for their family are what make each family unique. If parents aren’t able to stand firm in their values and make financial decisions based on what truly works for their family, their children won’t have a chance at living an authentic life.