What would life be like if the world were run by mothers?
Certainly, more things would be on time, would cost a whole lot less – and would take into consideration the safety and happiness of children first and foremost. Mothers are the likely the world’s best multi-taskers and can end a sibling war in less than a second without blinking so much as an eye, can manage to feed an entire family for a week on a ten pound bag of potatoes if necessary (without repeating meals) and have the problem solving skills of a socially adept mathematician. But what else would be different?
Check out this list of things that would definitely be different, CERTAINLY improve – if mothers ran the world!
- Fast food would not be laden with sugar and fat, and would definitely NOT include itty-bitty tiny little toys (a.k.a. pieces of junk) that get broken and lost in the bottom of toy boxes sheer hours after being acquired.
- Mini-vans, SUV’s and any other cars designed to cart children, as well as car seats would be made of hosable super duty rubber. All interior car design would be gap free, meaning that the lone chicken nugget, Barbie’s shoe, and Captain Light year’s walkie-talkie would never find its way underneath the seats where it becomes lost for eternity. (Or until the carpet is replaced)
- School would be year round, and holiday breaks in the winter would not last three weeks.
- There would be no such thing as homework past the 4th grade, at which point it becomes apparent that today’s kids are smarter (and learning faster) than most of today’s adults.
- Bedtimes would be mandated by federal law, set at 9pm (or earlier) for children of all ages.
- Money would grow on trees.
- Stay at home parents would get paid by the government and given annual raises and cost of living adjustments.
- The Jones’s would be kicked out of the country and forced to seek asylum in some far off island without any means of communication with the ‘rest of us’ normal folk.
- Shoestrings, buckles, buttons, snaps, and ties of any kind would be replaced with Velcro.
- Children’s clothing would be made out of vinyl, or something wipe-able.
- Huh? Would be classified as a curse word.
- Cutlery, dishes, pots, pans, and cups would all be replaced with biodegradable paper products that could be planted in the yard to grow fresh fruits and vegetables.
- Politicians would be succumbed to time outs, lie detector tests and groundings based on their morality and ethical behavior as determined by a panel of mom jurors.
- Germs would be non-existent because people would STAY HOME when they are sick rather than spread their bacteria all over the place by acting irresponsibly and leaving the house when they are contagious.
- Beach vacations would be mandatory for mothers (sans the children) once a year and public access to housing at resorts would not be based on income quality.
- Children under the age of 20 would not be able to obtain a drivers license or a car.
- Babies would be surgically tagged with GPS tracking devices so parents would always know where their kids are – even and especially when they become teenagers.
- Foreplay would be mandatory established as a prerequisite to sex.
- Children’s television shows would only run for an hour or so per day. After that, nothing but news! Ha! Take that Nick JR!
- Insurance companies would be forced to pay for tummy tucks or boob jobs after a woman goes through pregnancy and childbirth.
- Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition would focus on models who have given birth to at least one (preferably more) children in order to help men face reality.
Of course, if mothers ran the world, everything with be orchestrated with time management in mind. Traffic lights would be in sync, pick up lines at school and daycares would certainly make sense and be more efficient, customer service in every store, grocery or otherwise, would be swift and helpful and toilet paper would be provided by mail order companies and delivered to your door step daily (along with milk) ensuring no family is left without these all important necessities.
Every person would be loved for who they are – opportunity would be equal among men and women and ‘crotch scratching’ by men would be deemed indecent exposure. Road rage would be reduced to apologetic glances and blown kisses rather than curse words and meaningful middle finger gestures, and our soldiers…our sons, would never be forced to set foot on foreign soil where they may lose their lives at the hands of a 13-year-old boy wielding a machete. Our president, as a job qualification would have to spend at least one week handling the stress of raising several children all at once whilst making decisions, paying bills and holding on to his (or her) sanity. If they can pass that test, chances are they might be able to run a country.
If you think about it, in many ways….the world is already run by moms. Mothers are powerful influences that shape all of the people in today and tomorrow’s influential positions. Chances are that many of the decisions they make, which affect all of us….were somehow molded by a mom somewhere. Maybe, just maybe as a way to peak our own consciousness (and to make the world run better), we should all ask ourselves and ask others as well to say, “What would Mama Do,” before making any decisions large and small. There’s a pretty good chance the world would be a much better (and cleaner) place.