Oh boy! It doesn’t matter if you are married, have children, live with roommates, or share a dorm; in every situation where two people cohabitate and share the same space, the argument over who does things better is bound to come up. It’s as old a battle as whether the egg or the chicken came first. Worse, no matter how long two (or more) people are arguing over the “right” way to fold clothes, it’s sure to lead to disagreements, arguments, and resentment.
So what is a couple to do? The easy way out is to say, the next time your partner (husband or wife) stands over you scratching their head, wondering where you got the idiotic idea to roll towels instead of folding them properly before putting them in the linen closet: “If you don’t like the way I do it, then do it yourself!” This way, you take away all ammunition they have to criticize your technique. On a positive note, you give yourself a great hall pass to get out of things you likely didn’t want to do anyway, using your partner as an excuse.
The problem is, this aggressive stance will not solve problems; it will more likely create more over time. And really, does it matter how towels are folded? When you think about some of the things people argue over (and start fights about), it becomes clear that the issues at hand may not be the issues at heart.
Of course, when people live with others—whether they are married, close friends, or family members—they open up the household to more options on how to do nearly every little task. Chances are, you cook and prepare meals differently than the people you live with. Maybe you clean as you go, while your spouse piles the kitchen sink high and cleans up (or not) once the meal has been enjoyed. If you always put your shoes in their proper place the minute you walk inside, it’s certain to annoy you when others leave them in the middle of the room. If you like to use bleach in the toilet but your partner prefers pine-sol, disagreements can arise.
Under a magnifying glass, the issue of disagreeing about how to do things really comes down to someone having a ‘my way or the highway’ approach to life. And yes, there are millions of strong-willed Type-A folks in this world who truly believe they have found the best technique for everything. If you live with one of these people, your efforts to get things done around the house may feel like a mission to pass some sort of imaginary test. After a while, it’s only natural to get annoyed and feel like you’re being treated like a child. The next step? Throw your hands up and give all responsibility to that other person.
As for the Type-A person you live with (and this is meant lovingly, of course), they truly believe heart and soul that their way is best. They likely take on too much responsibility for everything around the home and feel the need to micromanage. Psychologists say that this tendency has more to do with control than the method of folding towels. These types of people like to be in the driver’s seat because they have deep-seated fears and often an inflexible attitude. Some of this, quite simply, has to do with genetics and personality traits. If you were perceptive before you shacked up with them, you probably noticed these hardheaded traits—and maybe even respected them.
So what is the right way to deal when two people disagree about the “right” and “wrong” way to do things?
Compromise! Compromise! Compromise!
The most important thing to remember is that BOTH of you are adults. Sure, you have different ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean one of you is always right and the other is always wrong. Instead, try sitting down and calmly discussing how you feel when criticized and how the criticizer feels when things aren’t done their way. Then, come up with lists of chores that allow both of you to capitalize on your strengths. Try to make things as even as possible. For instance, if one partner handles outside work better than the other, allow them to take charge of that domain. If the other person is better at keeping the house organized, that can be their responsibility. Furthermore, if you have a partner who is never satisfied with your methods or efforts, simply let them take over the task. Just discuss it beforehand so it doesn’t look like you’re avoiding responsibility. Often, they may be relieved to hear that your days in the kitchen are numbered.
However, the two of you must also learn that it’s sometimes okay—and even best—to let go of the logistics of how things are done and just be grateful that they’re done. If you tend to go behind others in your home to redo their work, you are sending a clear message that you don’t think their ideas are as valuable as yours. Likewise, if you withdraw because you’re tired of being criticized about how you do things, you’re setting the foundation for resentment.
Relationships—whether romantic or otherwise—require two people to invest energy into respect, first and foremost. If respect is absent, the relationship will never be healthy or lasting. Now ask yourself, is it really worth ending things over how towels are handled after they come out of the washing machine and dryer?
