When one mother in Wilkes-Barre, PA, found out she was going to be a grandmother by reading a friend-of-a-friend’s Facebook page, she was understandably upset. Others have reported finding out that their loved ones have passed away, are having children, getting married, getting divorced, moving, or even going to jail – all through the wonders of social media. It’s ironic that with all the privacy and security settings in place and concerns about personal information ending up in the wrong hands, today it is easier than ever to find out about people – even perfect strangers – than at any other time in our history. If you want to know what someone does for a living, how they spent their weekend, or even what their children’s names are, it’s as easy as a Google search, which will instantly direct you to every blog, tweet, like, or ‘+1’ that person has ever made.
Sadly, many of these forms of social media, along with text messaging and cell phones (designed to keep us all connected and closer), have warped ideals of friendship and family, replacing genuine relationships.
The Impact on Social Bonds
In many homes around the world, relatives keep up with one another solely through technology. Even worse, many experts say today’s up-and-coming generation is losing its ability to forge personal bonds and engage in the communication skills necessary for face-to-face or even voice-to-voice contact. Teens today largely communicate with their peers and social groups via instant or text messaging and spend more time on the computer being “social” than actually spending quality ‘physical’ time with one another.
Yet, there are still some people who refuse to become part of this instantaneous society. These individuals adamantly assert their right to say, “If you want to know what I’m up to, then CALL ME!” or “Come by the house!” So, are these people banishing themselves from having ‘real’ relationships with others? We can only hope not.
The real question needs to be asked of those who refuse to communicate in any other form than social media. Sure, a funny tweet or an endearing Facebook post is a great way to spend a few minutes. But today, it’s estimated that people spend as much as five hours per day on their computers and phones socializing with others – without any REAL social contact. There are no smiles online, unless you count the smiley face emoticon. You cannot hear the inflection in voices. There’s no touching, no exchanged hugs or handshakes. You can’t tell if people are telling the truth or lying online because the entire communication is void of non-verbal cues, which are essential. In fact, socializing online doesn’t even allow our intuition to play a role in whether we like someone or not. And what about listening? Can people really ‘listen’ online? Communication experts say that 90% of a conversation involves listening, hearing what the other person says, and reading emotions on their face – things that written words, tweets, or Facebook posts cannot replicate!
You also have to wonder how much of what you read and see online is real. Consider that dating sites have had to use disclaimers and security background checks to protect themselves from people who create false online personas and sell them to others. Do you really think that all the Facebook posts, tweets, and status updates reflect how the people you call friends and family are actually feeling? Isn’t it likely that, since the online world of socializing is so visible and can be so damaging, most people only show others the version of themselves they want them to see?
If you haven’t launched your online presence yet, chances are that everyone you know is trying to get you to do so. If you feel behind on the latest happenings of your friends and family, they’ll likely prod you to set up an account and stay updated. Yet, for many people who weren’t born into the social media age, this isn’t how you bond with friends and family – not at all.
Bottom line: while these social escapes, which are the modern-day equivalent of sending out a Xeroxed Christmas letter with your card to update everyone on your life, are relevant and popular, they aren’t the best way to maintain relationships. Chatting with your friend over coffee, both of you staring at a computer screen, does not provide the necessary social contact that is crucial for human beings to feel loved, appreciated, and connected to others. We aren’t the Jetsons, living in a far-off galaxy where face-to-face contact is impossible. More importantly, physical interaction with others is necessary for our well-being and happiness.
Convenience always comes at a price. However, if the price we, as a society, and as friends and family, have to pay for social technology is living our lives void of real, human relationships, then it really isn’t worth it. There was a time when a phone call received at just the right moment from a loved one or friend could heal nearly any wound in life. Knowing that you are loved and cared about, and taking the time to truly be present with someone else, is more of a gift now than at any other time in our history.
