At some point in life, we realize that we are no longer invincible. The older we get, the more responsibilities we have — especially children — and the more it becomes natural to worry about our well-being and life. Things that once seemed like insignificant events that could risk our lives are now viewed as tragic displays of selfishness, things we would never consider. Many parents become fearful of traveling together. It has even become commonplace for parents to fly on separate airlines during a vacation, just in case the unthinkable happens. At least this way, the children would still have one parent.
It is also not uncommon for every wife, at some point, to wonder: What if my husband died tomorrow? Where would I be? What would I do? What obstacles, besides the obvious, would I be forced to hurdle? What about the children? The money? The burial expenses? Would I lose our home or car? And who would be around to help me take care of things? How would I manage simple things, like getting multiple children to two different places at the exact same time? For most, just the thought of losing a spouse, parent, and partner can make you shudder. But realistically, it is something that should be considered and discussed.
Planning for the Unexpected
If your husband died tomorrow, would you be prepared? Truly, nothing can prepare anyone for a loss like this, and no one is really sure how they would handle things until faced with the situation. However, there are many things we can do ahead of time to ensure that even if we are emotionally unequipped after the death of a spouse, life still moves forward. One of the most important things to consider is life insurance. It is relatively inexpensive to carry, and although many feel it’s a waste, it’s one of the best ways to provide for your family if you’re no longer around. If you don’t have it, get it — and make sure you have a policy that is affordable and provides enough coverage to see your children through to college and beyond. No, it can’t replace a parent, but it can offer vital financial support for the years following.
If your husband died tomorrow, would you be able to pay the bills? Do you know how the financial situation in your home works? Are you aware of how much money you have, and do you know where to locate it? Is your name on all accounts? Are you listed as a beneficiary on things like 401(k)s and stock plans? It’s essential to check all of this and ensure everything is in order now! Dealing with these intricate details afterward is often difficult, painful, and comes at a point when it’s too late to do anything about it. It’s wise to share financial responsibilities within the household. Both partners should be acutely aware of what gets paid, when, and how. By not knowing, you leave yourself open to months of trying to figure out a puzzle without all the necessary pieces of information. If you don’t know, ask — and keep all important financial information in a central location, so it can easily be accessed by either spouse at any time.
If your husband died tomorrow, is there already a will in place so that you don’t have to guess on his behalf? No matter how young you are, or even if you feel you have nothing to leave anyone, a will is an integral part of any family. Wills should be drafted, notarized, and kept on file in the home as well as with legal personnel, so that, in the event of a death, there are no misunderstandings. A living will is also vital. One day, you might be the one in charge of making a life-or-death decision for your spouse, and a living will outlines their wishes. Many families struggle over these issues, and by drafting a living will that addresses hospitalization, resuscitation, and other preferences, your spouse will have control over their destiny. It may be hard to think about, but it is absolutely necessary!
So many people, in the face of a loss, find themselves bombarded with well-meaning visitors, covered dishes, and meals that are sure to last for months. In the beginning, they have more help than they know what to do with. Then, suddenly, the world returns to its routine, and they are forgotten. Think about your network of friends and family — who will be there to help you and your children? Will they offer financial and emotional support? Will they help you continue your life, or will they force you to make radical changes and decisions?
Also, consider that a big part of loving your children is allowing them to feel safe with others. So many kids who lose a parent struggle to move forward because they have no sense of trust in anyone else. The parent has done everything, been everything, and never allowed others to help. As a result, the children become entirely dependent. Make sure your children learn that family members and friends are safe havens. If they feel loved and comfortable in other places, besides just with you and your spouse, they will have an easier time healing from this loss.
If your husband died tomorrow, would YOU be able to move on? Would you be ravished with guilt, anger, or frustration? Is there space in your life for you to heal? Often, moms are forgotten victims of loss. There must be a place for you to go and people to turn to, beyond your family’s immediate needs. Would you be able to cope, make decisions on your own, and use your life before the loss as a guide for your new life? Whether married or not, man or woman — all of us must be able to stand on our own two feet without relying on someone else. We can certainly love our spouses, but needing them for everything makes it impossible to live without them. Unfortunately, few of us know the destiny of our lives or the unexpected turns we’ll face. This is why it’s crucial, every day, to cultivate a life, a sense of security, and confidence that are uniquely your own.
No one wants to think about what they would do if their husband died tomorrow, and hopefully, it will never happen. But being prepared for the worst in life is no different from carrying car insurance. It’s protection. So many people are blindsided by a sudden car accident or illness that takes their spouse, and they did nothing to lay the groundwork for life without them. If this foundation is built out of responsibility and consideration for those who depend on you, you won’t have to worry so much about what you would do if your husband died tomorrow. As much as we all feel like it will never happen to us, it happens to unsuspecting people every single day! We can never be too sure or too prepared.
