You love them, you hate them, and no matter what you do, you can’t get rid of them. In-laws are a constant test in a marriage, often becoming the dealbreakers that lead to divorce. Many men and women adore their in-laws before they’re legally bound, only to find that marriage weaves a tangled web of resentment and animosity, brewing like rich Colombian coffee—but tasting far less pleasant. The challenge is that once you have in-laws, whether they’re picture-perfect or monstrous, you must learn to deal with them somehow, someway.
Most people confess to everyone but their spouse that their in-laws are just crazy! You might wonder how your husband or wife turned out so well despite being raised by such baffling individuals, secretly believing you had a hand in their greatness. You didn’t! The truth is, in a decade, you’ll likely accuse your spouse of morphing into their parents. These traits don’t surface initially because 90% of people expend tremendous energy trying not to emulate their parents. Eventually, they tire of the effort and drop the façade. When this happens, not only do they act like their parents (your in-laws), but they may even start to resemble them—weathered, cranky, and with moral characteristics that you, raised with a different set of values, simply can’t fathom.
Navigating In-Law Dynamics
In-laws aren’t always well-meaning, and for wives, the mother-in-law relationship can be especially painful. A mother-in-law may struggle to accept that her little boy is now cared for by another woman, taking it out on the wife—subtly, of course. She might spike the punch, over-season a dish, or meticulously iron her son’s shirts to make the wife look inadequate. When children arrive, she always knows best, using secret phone conversations to subtly undermine her daughter-in-law, making her seem incompetent. Naturally, the husband doesn’t notice because, to him, Mom is infallible! These arguments can ignite or fizzle out, but recognizing that your mother-in-law’s goal is to cast you as an unfit maternal figure can make the situation at least somewhat laughable.
For sons-in-law, the father-in-law’s disapproving glares speak volumes about the tactics he assumes you used to win his daughter’s heart. Why? Because he’s a man and knows the playbook. While the son-in-law and father-in-law dynamic isn’t as petty as the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law one, most sons-in-law understand that one misstep with “daddy’s little girl” will unleash his wrath. Fail to provide enough, make her visit the laundromat, or stay out late with friends, and you’ll face the protective armor of fatherhood.
When it comes to in-laws, married couples must realize that some things are best left unsaid and undone. Many couples are close with their in-laws, which can complicate matters if the marriage hits rough patches. In-laws should not be involved in certain aspects of your life, including finances, sex life, relationship struggles, child-rearing decisions, or the private life of their son- or daughter-in-law. In other words, maintaining appearances, staying cordial, and keeping your true feelings and jokes about their child to yourself are the easiest ways to preserve a good relationship. Remember, in-laws are parents, and like you, they never lose the urge to parent. But give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile, backing you into a corner where you can’t speak your mind or protest. This can be tricky because in-laws often act like wolves in sheep’s clothing, drawing you in like the vampires in *Twilight*—only to strike when you least expect it. Everything you say and do can and will be held against you at some point.
Of course, not all in-laws are bad. Some babysit willingly, mind their own business, and are genuinely thoughtful. Others can be great buddies (to a point) or even fun to be around. But when they leave, it’s wise for all married couples to shake off the in-law dust from their souls to prevent any lingering resentment from taking root. Whether you like them, tolerate them, or wish they’d vanish, it’s best to share these thoughts with friends rather than your spouse. Deep down, what you love or hate about your in-laws is buried within your spouse, waiting to surface and leave you stunned if you speak too soon.
