It’s no secret that we live in a Barbie-idolizing society. Little girls are targeted at an early age to understand that in the scope of femininity, appearances matter. A lot. Stroll through Target or Wal-Mart, or any of the all-girls’ stores in the mall that sell clothing and accessories for children from 2 to 20, and you’ll notice that sex appeal sells. Today, it is estimated that over 1 million girls under the age of 10 get their hair colored, and by age 12, 33% of all girls have had manicures, pedicures, or eyebrow waxing—all in the name of beauty. However, this pressure to “look good” rarely, if ever, automatically equates to feeling good or having confidence.
According to Dr. Anita Gurian of the New York University Child Study Center, confidence in girls begins to diminish around the age of 9. In fact, young girls between the ages of 9 and 11 are often at the highest risk for developing eating disorders, dealing with adolescent depression, and struggling with body image issues. Not only do girls have a lot of hormonal changes to navigate as they grow up, but they also face silent pressure from society to look a certain way. And the nasty ring of girl-on-girl jealousy and ostracizing does very little to help the situation.
How Parents Can Instill Confidence in Their Daughters
Parents play a major role in instilling confidence in their daughters. Certainly, all parents try to be advocates for their children, constantly reminding them how beautiful, smart, talented, and capable they are. The problem, however, is that simply repeating these words doesn’t necessarily make a child believe she is “all that” and a bag of chips. This isn’t to say that parents should stop complimenting and focusing on their daughters’ strengths, but there are other steps they can take to ensure they raise healthy, happy, and confident young women.
The first step is often overlooked and starts with the parent or female influence in your daughter’s life. Children often pay more attention to non-verbal cues from their mothers, aunts, older sisters, grandmothers, etc., than they do from verbal messages. In other words, if a mom is standing in front of a mirror berating her body, constantly dieting, or being extremely hard on herself, there’s a pretty good chance her daughter is picking up the wrong message. What women, especially mothers, say about themselves in front of their daughters plays a major role in shaping what young girls expect from themselves. Fathers are not excluded from this either. Men with daughters need to pay close attention to how they treat, respect, and view the women in their lives. It is important for them to teach their daughters that size and looks are not the only things that matter and certainly aren’t the foundation of a successful life.
Additionally, it’s important to recognize that self-confidence should not come from appearances alone. Your daughter should be encouraged to pursue her interests, passions, and talents—even if they aren’t your own! If you notice that your daughter has a knack for music, acting, or playing softball, you should do your best to let her shine in that arena. This gives her a personal sense of accomplishment and allows her to be at her best. The American Academy of Pediatrics believes that all young girls, after the age of 5, should be encouraged to find their talents and interests, as this exploration helps to build self-confidence.
Another important factor in building self-confidence is allowing your daughter to have responsibilities. Even at the age of 4 or 5, your daughter can learn to do things on her own. By giving her the chance to succeed and care for herself—whether it’s setting the table or tying her shoes—she learns to depend on and believe in herself. As she grows, the more responsibility you give her, the more confidence she will develop. Your trust in her ability to be responsible shows her, through action, that she is capable.
Decision-making is another huge factor in building self-confidence. Too often, as parents, we hesitate when it comes to allowing our daughters (and sons) to make decisions for themselves. This robs them of learning that their decisions have consequences, and it also makes them overly reliant on authority figures. As they grow into young women and enter relationships, this can become a slippery slope. The younger you allow your daughter to make decisions and think on her own, the better off she’ll be in the long run.
While you may feel inclined to constantly boost your child’s confidence with compliments, doing so excessively can actually hurt your daughter’s confidence and erode her trust in you. There’s nothing wrong with your daughter understanding that she has strengths and weaknesses. There’s nothing wrong with her knowing that she can do anything she sets her mind to. But she shouldn’t be terrified of failure or disappointing her parents. Telling your child that they did well when they didn’t, or skirting the truth in an effort not to hurt their feelings, diminishes their self-worth in the long run.
The most important thing for young girls to realize is that looks are not everything. Beauty is not the answer to all of life’s problems. Beauty should not be their number-one goal. Your child is a total package—physical, emotional, and spiritual—and in order for her to feel confident, she needs to be supported in all of these areas.
