Beware! The Breaking Point Is Closer Than You Think
At this particular point in time, your life may seem more or less perfect. You might never imagine a day when the piles of toys on the floor, the empty bank account, the constant pitter-patter of growing feet, the lack of sex, the stacks of dishes and laundry, and the in-laws who won’t leave you alone will push you over the edge. But trust me, they will. And it usually happens without warning.
One night, you go to bed, and the next day you wake up feeling like your entire life is in shambles. And that Lego you stepped on while heading to the bathroom first thing in the morning (which hurt like hell, by the way, the one you told your son to pick up the night before) will be the final trigger. Suddenly, everyone will be wondering what in the hell is wrong with Daddy. (Or Mommy, for that matter.)
“Hey, Mom! Is Daddy losing his mind?” they’ll ask, scratching their heads as if they have no idea why he’s ranting and raving like a lunatic.
Understanding Your Breaking Point
As the responsibilities of marriage and raising children slowly take their toll on you and your relationships, there will come a point when you might snap. Not snap like a dead branch blowing in the wind during a storm, but SNAP like a mighty oak tree being uprooted by a tornado. And just like that oak tree is destroyed by the storm, you’ll realize that you can never go back to “normal.”
Let’s face it: every person on the planet has a breaking point. After years of throwing around idle threats, gently explaining the rules of the house (over and over again), having conversations about the things that bother you, and trying to remain calm — eventually, enough becomes enough.
It’s hard, as a parent or spouse, to understand why the people in your life—who you no doubt do so much for—can’t respect you enough to follow a few simple rules. Or at least avoid doing the things that drive you crazy. The truth is, each of us has little pet peeves that can send us spiraling into a bad mood. You’ve told your son to pick up his toys before bed six thousand times — why doesn’t he do it? You’ve asked your wife to just put her shoes in the shoe cabinet, hang up her coat, or put her keys away nine million times — why can’t she just do it?
One of the issues with people losing their minds, snapping, or reaching their breaking point over seemingly insignificant things is that it’s a long process in the making. People don’t go crazy overnight. It takes years of dealing with the same frustrations over and over again, having the same conversations, and tolerating the same behaviors before it becomes a problem. Most adults try to let things roll off their backs, ignoring the little things (and there are many of them) for as long as possible. But eventually, it hits them — not only have people not been listening, but the people they love the most don’t seem to have enough respect to follow a few simple rules. This, quite simply, feels like being taken advantage of.
How to Avoid Losing Your Mind
So how do you avoid the mental breakdown that has everyone wondering if you’ve lost it? The easiest way is to lay the groundwork from the beginning. If something bothers you—even if it’s small—voice your concerns. Too often, people are labeled as being in “bad moods” because the house is messy, but they don’t express that they are plain tired of the mess altogether. You might snap at your spouse or children because of bad manners, or because they’re always running late, but never fully explain how stressed out their behaviors make you feel.
Eventually, one misstep leads to another, which leads to yet another, and suddenly you’re the big oak tree being uprooted. It might seem like you’re upset about the stupid Lego, when in truth, it’s about the principle behind it. If you are proactive from the start and ensure that boundaries in your home are clearly set, you will prevent things from building up over time.
One creative way to do this is by holding a weekly family meeting. This provides everyone with the chance to calmly talk about what’s bothering them. Allow every member of the family to add their issues to the agenda, come up with viable solutions that work for everyone, and stay focused on solutions. This ensures that you’re both being listened to and listening to others. It’s also important to follow through with consequences. If one father has fallen off the deep end and says he’s going to throw everything left in the family room into a trash bag to donate to those in need, he must follow through. It will likely only take one or two favorite items being donated before the rest of the household realizes he means what he says.
Each of us has our own ways of living. Marriage and family life are about learning to live with one another’s bad traits—and learning to respect each other’s ideals of what’s right and wrong. Of course, one person alone should not dictate the rules of the house or “be the boss” — so to speak. Instead, work together, and be honest about your irritants before you lose your mind.
