One of the most universal Bible quotes appealing to parents across religious backgrounds is, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Today’s parents, like those before them, work diligently to raise their children in alignment with their own beliefs and values about life, behavior, and thought. This process, known as parental conditioning, forms a pattern of thinking and beliefs passed down from one generation to the next.
History shows that most behaviors, thought patterns, and beliefs are taught by elders to the young, perpetuating through generations. Some beliefs endure, while others fade over time or face constitutional challenges. Nearly every judgment or prejudice is learned, shaped by this intergenerational transfer.
As a parent, it’s worth asking: Do you have the right to instill your beliefs in your children? Most parents would assert they absolutely have that power—and want it. They desire the ability to teach their children what they deem important, hoping these values will transcend generational boundaries. But what happens when a parent’s beliefs are unconventional or potentially harmful? For instance, if you’re a vegan, should you impose that diet on your children despite health concerns suggesting it may not be healthy for them? If you’re a Jehovah’s Witness, is it your right to guide your child in a faith that prohibits life-saving blood transfusions? If you’re part of a deeply religious sect or engage in illegal polygamy, is it fair to lead your children down that path?
Balancing Guidance and Freedom
This question echoes one of the most famous poems on parenthood by Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Over the years, this poem has taken on varied interpretations, but its core insight persists. While it’s neither practical nor acceptable for parents to raise children without guidance, it’s crucial to grant them the freedom to explore. Parents naturally hope their children will follow in their footsteps, but if they don’t, that choice must be accepted and encouraged.
If you’re a Christian and your child explores another religion or seeks out information about God differently, parental guidance should allow it. Prohibiting exploration often stems from fear of disagreement, reflecting more on a parent’s doubts than a child’s curiosity. The human spirit is naturally inquisitive from a young age, designed to seek knowledge—initially with parental help. But if parents stifle a child’s ability to explore beyond their influence, can the child truly grow?
Legally, parents in the United States and Canada have the freedom to pass down their beliefs, protected by constitutional rights. However, numerous court cases have addressed situations where medical treatment for children was denied due to religious beliefs. One Supreme Court Justice ruled, “The free exercise clause of the First Amendment protects religious belief, but not necessarily conduct.” This has led to parents facing criminal consequences when their beliefs jeopardize their children’s welfare.
The issue is clearer in some cases. Should parents who smoke teach their children to do the same? What about parents who use drugs or choose a homeless lifestyle? For those of us striving to raise children in the best way we know, we’re quick to judge such decisions. Yet, whether we’re vegetarians, Seventh-day Adventists, or advocates of homeschooling, we make choices for our children based on our beliefs.
Ultimately, as Kahlil Gibran suggests, parents have not only the right but also the responsibility to “train up” their children. However, there comes a time to let go, allowing children to navigate their own paths—for better or worse. If the values instilled are meaningful, they’re likely to endure. But without the chance to test the waters, children remain little more than prisoners of their parents’ beliefs.
