We read this statement online not too long ago: romance is not dead, it just smells funny.
The question – is romance dead? – is a bit tricky. How you answer will depend on your age, how many years you’ve been married, whether the man or woman you’re with is a true iceberg, and whether you think love is lovelier the second time around.
The concept of romance itself is not dead. That’s the good news. The bad news? How many people past the age of 48 are feeling up to it?
Is Romance Dead? The Age Issue
We enjoy seeing young people express their love. There’s such innocence, gaiety, and wild abandon in their actions. Love is a wonderful feeling, especially when it’s the first time Cupid shoots his arrows at you. There’s a quiet ecstasy about being in love when you’re sweet sixteen, and this ecstasy continues – we think – until your early to mid-30s. For people in this age group, love and romance intertwine, interact, and interlace – locked in a tight embrace, and time deliciously stands still.
Older people look at young lovebirds with sheer envy. The question “Is romance dead?” seems foolish when you observe the youth. To the young, the world is bright, you feel ten feet tall, and the sun seems to always be shining.
Ah, the joys of young love! Just observe the reincarnated Romeos and Juliets of the world. How could you ask, is romance dead? It’s alive and kicking on all four cylinders!
However, many will argue that romance is not the monopoly of the young. We’ve seen older men and women holding hands. Walk to your favorite marina or boulevard on a clear summer day and count how many seniors are holding hands or have their arms around each other’s waists. They are a sight to behold. These happy, very-much-in-love seniors would pooh-pooh you if you ever asked, “Is romance dead?” Just seeing the naughty glint in their eyes tells you the flame is strong, and there are no dying embers.
Is Romance Dead After 10 Years of Marriage?
You might ask, why ten years? Doesn’t the dreaded itch occur in year seven?
Perhaps…and in some cases earlier. But why is it that after a certain number of years of being married, spouses no longer exhibit the same lovey-dovey behavior they did before marriage?
The answer isn’t difficult. Post-marriage situations include children, mortgages, career issues, community commitments, and the day-to-day tasks of running a household. These situations diminish the romantic spark in most people. When problems mount – and there will be problems – the last thing couples worry about is romance. Once in a while, a feeling of guilt arises, and there’ll be that mad rush to start a candlelight dinner or plan frantically for a much-needed vacation without the kids to renew romantic ties and keep the love alive.
For couples who are sensitive to the “Is romance dead?” idea and want to save the marriage, they make an effort to inject romance back into their lives. But for those who ignore the signs and symptoms, romance could truly take a nosedive.
Frigidity Kills Romance
We hope they’re in the minority, but there are individuals who complain that they’ve never experienced romantic interludes with their mates because their partners simply aren’t interested in sex or have some unexplained frigidity.
Do you share the matrimonial bed with an iceberg? Frigidity doesn’t just mean a total lack of interest in sex. A frigid partner can be someone who makes love but considers it only a duty and goes through the motions like a robot. A frigid partner doesn’t derive pleasure from the sexual act. They may even find cuddling and kissing excruciatingly boring.
For spouses with frigid partners, we’d say that not only is romance dead, it never had a chance to ignite.
A writer once said that men consider romance a means to an end, while women look at romance as the end. This suggests that men will buy flowers, chocolates, and flatter a woman to ultimately convince her to engage in sex. For some women, romance is the be-all and end-all. They view a romantic love affair as the ideal to aspire to.
Some women have voiced their complaints about men having no romantic “beans” in them, although one female writer argued that men do possess a romantic streak “a mile wide – the trouble is that this mile doesn’t seem to go anywhere.” It’s the perpetual gripe: “Men start out as incurable romantics, but once they’ve got you under their skin, it’s like they’ve never heard of romance before.”
And Love the Second Time Around?
We wouldn’t say that romance is dead for those falling in love for the second or third time. The meaning of romance, however, takes on a different hue. It’s no longer careless and gung-ho; instead, the romance becomes more – shall we say – reserved and mature.
When couples come out of a first marriage feeling badly hurt or disillusioned, it doesn’t mean romance is dead. It’s still there, but it’s accompanied by a degree of caution. It will take a while for that openness and innocence to return. Individuals who are products of divorce won’t be as carefree as they were when they were much younger. For some, experience is a bitter pill to swallow.
Is Romance Dead? Definitely Not!
Despite everything, we don’t think romance is dead. It would never die as long as we hope to love and be loved in return. Each of us nurtures a secret longing for love that is pure but exciting, for love that is instructive but still passionate. The romantic bug lurks inside each of us; some of us like to wait for the right time to bring it out, while others are in a hurry and act like serial lovers.
Hollywood does a good job of reviving the old notions of love and romance. As long as it’s a lucrative venture for movie makers, romance will be alive and well and thriving in our midst.
And as long as writers immortalize love and continue churning out romantic pieces, romance won’t ever have to die a natural death.
Mae West’s optimism is contagious. We should think about what she said: “I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss… I’ve always found time to teach them.”
So, ladies, don’t whip the cream—whip the romance back where it properly belongs!
