Is There Life After Divorce – You Need to Move on First

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Divorce can leave people reeling for weeks, months, and even years. In fact, many people stay stuck in an unhealthy marriage simply because they are afraid that there is no life after divorce. They’ve watched their friends and relatives suffer through the hasty and nasty battles that often ensue between exes, and they worry that their life will follow a similar fate. Is there life after divorce? Absolutely. But you have to be willing to look for it.

One of the things that many people tend to forget is that broken relationships are not the end of the world. Sure, they can feel pretty defeating and make the future seem dim. Yet, all of that is simply a matter of perspective. Divorce is a lot about loss for most people, and grieving that loss and then moving on is important. Why? Because life, my friend, is not waiting!

The first thing to do is get yourself out of denial. Chances are, you weren’t happy in the marriage and are simply clinging to the forced change in plans. Perhaps you are a fixer, hoping that you could make things right—but chances are, happiness wasn’t part of the marital union. Don’t you deserve to be happy? Far too many people are afraid of the social implications and appearances of divorce, clinging to the image of a life that includes marriage and children. But if, inside that life, you weren’t loved fully or didn’t love fully, how can you want all of that back? You deserve MORE, don’t you? When you realize that just maybe, you will be happier, more fulfilled, and more yourself AFTER the divorce than before, you might begin to move forward. Think about it.

Embrace New Beginnings

Next, stop the pity party. Quit saying horrific things out loud, to yourself, and to others. Your life is not over. You might be surprised at how indulging in feeling sorry for yourself and saying such self-defeating statements as “life is over,” “my life is ruined,” “I will never succeed,” etc., keeps you stuck in a hole. Instead, try practicing the art of positive thinking and positive affirmations. Be the little engine that could, rather than someone who is going to crumble in depression. Even if at first your optimistic approach feels fake, in time, your mind and spirit will start feeling better.

Many people going through divorce become involved in the blame game. Okay, so it is his or her fault and not yours. Just say that out loud once and move on. The truth is, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is—it’s over. Instead of trying to feel justified or righteous, you can start dealing with your new reality. Blaming others for your situation will not help you move forward. In fact, perhaps you should feel grateful that the marriage is over. Now, you might find that your wings are no longer clipped. Fly!

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be adjusting to the social interactions with friends and family. Your relationships with everyone, including your children and former in-laws, have changed. Yet, it is still possible to keep these relationships healthy and happy. You just need to redefine them and start building from a different place. When it comes to your children, empower them to believe that there is life after divorce, both for you and for them! In fact, many parents find that they are better parents when the stress of a bad relationship is removed from their lives. Choose to nurture the connections with your friends and family. You may lose some along the way, but chances are, they weren’t supportive to begin with.

When you move from the initial feelings of loss and grief about the marriage and start believing that the future holds promise and happiness, it’s time to start planning. Get busy taking a realistic look at your finances, your living arrangements, your job, and your passions. There’s a good possibility that the person you’ve been for the last several years in your unhappy marriage is NOT the person you truly are. Now is the time to be that person. Connect with the things in life that excite you, and create a plan of action that moves you toward what you love—things that will satisfy you and make you feel good. Sometimes, you might feel sad looking back, and there may be days when everything seems harder. But you will find your way, and you will be happy doing it.

Lastly, but certainly not least, find a supportive network. This not only helps you realize that you’re not alone but also that the future can and will be bright. In the beginning, your immediate friends and family may not be able to help you because they are too close to the situation. Instead, look for support groups and outside sources where you can meet others who are on a similar path. Check with local hospitals, church groups, and other community organizations—you will be surprised at how many outlets exist to help you bounce back after divorce. You can even join singles clubs where the immediate goal isn’t about coupling again but about finding resources and support to get you back on your feet and back into life.

What many people forget when “bad things” happen in their lives is that life still marches on. You always have the choice to find joy in your own life. As long as you are living, breathing, and surrounded by people who love you—and whom you love in return—you aren’t alone. Life may not have turned out exactly how you planned or expected, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make lemonade from your perceived lemons.

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