It’s Nothing Personal, I Just Don’t Like You!

red headed woman with glasses

There is a lot of pressure in this world to get along with others. When you are raising children, you try to teach them to be nice to others, to share their toys, to think compassionately toward other people, and above all – to make friends. Kids are a candid example of the fact that human beings are not automatically designed to like everyone they meet. In fact, a good way to gauge a person’s worth is to put a 4-month-old baby in their arms—or introduce them to your dog, both of whom will make quick and likely accurate judgments of what kind of person someone is based on the long-forgotten act of intuition.

The Role of Intuition

Intuition. We all have it. It warns us of danger. It makes us feel uncomfortable—or comfortable—depending on the circumstances. It also plays a part in how we feel about other people. Sometimes, you meet someone new, and right away, you feel a connection—you know that the two of you share something that could grow into a friendship. Other times, you meet someone and immediately know that you do not like him or her. It’s nothing personal really; they haven’t done anything specific—the two of you just don’t click.

Unfortunately, instead of accepting this fact and the realization that there’s no way possible that you will like everyone (or that everyone will like you), manners and political correctness edge into our moral upbringing, encouraging us to pretend otherwise. We are taught, guilted, and pressured to like everyone. When we admit out loud that we don’t like someone—and yet have nothing specific to pin to that person to explain our dislike—we worry that others will think we are being judgmental or crass.

The thing is, not liking someone is not a crime. Simply because you don’t like another person doesn’t mean that the karma bus is going to crash into your house and bring with it lots of pain and suffering. Not liking someone is not the same as bullying someone, gossiping about them, or intentionally hurting them in any way. It is just an honest feeling that comes from your most innate place—your intuition.

Sometimes, rather than pretending and being fake, it is better to admit the obvious. You don’t have to come to terms with it or make an agreement with the other person that the two of you aren’t going to be friends or get along. In fact, nothing formal has to take place at all. You can (and do) co-exist with people that you don’t like every single day of your life. But pretending to be something you are not—being one way to their face and then turning into a negative, nagging Nelly behind their back—only hurts you and fills YOU with negativity. It gives a lot of your power to a person in your life that you don’t like. What’s the point of that?

Certainly, social graces, manners, and the ability to be accepting of others and make friends are important qualities for each of us to succeed in this world. But that doesn’t mean we have to pretend that we automatically like everyone we meet. Just as some people eat mustard on their French fries and despise ketchup, others prefer mayonnaise with their fries. The world is such a big place for a reason—it offers each of us ample opportunities to secure relationships with those we have commonalities with.

The real key to not liking someone is twofold. Firstly, if you have to co-exist, you must do so peacefully. When you don’t like someone, you shouldn’t let it upset you or affect your actions. Secondly, you have to learn to dislike peacefully. Barraging another person with insults, gossiping about them, being mean, or trying to hurt them is wrong, regardless of your personal feelings. You can ignore someone without being rude. You cannot like another person—and yet exchange the cordiality expected from adults. And then you simply move on.

There is a massive lack of honesty in the world today. Far too often, we are taught to ignore our personal feelings and dismiss our intuition. We are reminded to “be nice” and to “make friends.” This mental programming, which no doubt starts in adolescence, causes us to doubt ourselves and judge ourselves when we have an immediate response of not liking another person. Then, we feel bad about ourselves and embark on a journey of trying to validate why we don’t like someone, even when we have no real reason—other than one we were trained not to trust: our gut.

At the end of the day—and at some point in your life—you will realize that life is too short to worry about what others think of you, how many Facebook friends show up on your profile, or fitting in. You are who you are. Others are who they are. Sometimes, you and another person may go together as poorly as oil and water. When that happens, rather than forcing yourself to feel something you don’t or being fake—simply accept it. And when someone doesn’t like you, even though you’ve given them no real reason not to, just move on. Let it be. It is what it is. Resign yourself to the fact that it’s nothing personal—you just don’t like the other person.

Share:

Facebook
Twitter
Pinterest
LinkedIn

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.