It is a big mistake to think that just because everyone else is doing something, we need to jump on the bandwagon too. Ironically, if you disagree with the latest socially accepted trend, you’re automatically considered in the wrong by the “trendsetters.” We live in an age where morality and ethics seem to lie on shifting sands, in a world where convenience or enjoyment often takes the place of what is just and right.
Rarely is the right thing to do the easy thing to do, yet it IS still the right thing. Today’s “experts” justify their choices with flimsy and unproven internet research or by simply saying they “read it somewhere” or heard that some Ph.D. in some obscure town once said it. Never mind that the doctor’s Ph.D. was in early Shakespearean literature with a minor in African dance.
Facebook and Twitter also hold high priority on their list of supporting evidence for the “norm.” No longer are decisions based on fact and logic. Instead, long-established and proven techniques and lifestyle skills are abandoned in favor of the new “norm.” People cite many reasons for choosing this new way, but the bottom line is most people follow what they consider the “norm” for one reason and one reason alone—they do it because it works for them. It isn’t better; it’s simply more convenient.
The Problem of Change for Convenience
Though we now have better knowledge of high-quality nutritional choices, our forefathers ate and fed their families far better than we do today. It’s not because they had easier access to better food. In fact, education and the push to support local, organic materials have ensured that all homeowners can easily source high-quality, healthy foods. However, due to overscheduling and a change in family roles at home, it has become necessary to prepare family meals in an extremely abbreviated amount of time to accommodate an overly busy lifestyle.
Sadly, the new societal “norm” of an overscheduled lifestyle has begun to affect the way we eat. It’s becoming the “norm” to simply open a box, toss the contents into a dish, add a cup of water, bake at 400°F for 30 minutes, and voilà! A “nutritious” meal. Except… it’s not truly nutritious. It’s food, and it will provide necessary calories to get through the day. But there should be so much more to mealtimes than just filling bellies. Many parents believe they are providing all the nourishment their children need to grow their minds and bodies with pre-packaged, preservative-filled, not nutritionally balanced convenience foods.
What is the advantage to this?
It enables us to continue living our “busy” lives. The reality is that food is not the problem; it’s a symptom of a bigger issue. We place a lot of value on living a busy life, but in truth, being overly busy is not really living. It’s not enhancing the quality of our lives or our children’s lives; it’s destroying it. Perhaps we need to take a step back and unburden our schedules of unnecessary activities. Our kids don’t need to be involved in events seven nights a week to have a great life, and there is no honor in feeling as though you live in your car because you spend so much time transporting kids from activity to activity. Less really is more. Less activity and more quality family time are the keys to a well-balanced, happy life.
The Problem of Disengagement
While technology has increased office productivity and improved communication efforts with families who live at a distance from one another, it has also created barriers. Sadly, non-stop device interaction has stunted the development of the necessary social skills required to successfully navigate life. It has also begun to erode the fabric of the family.
Many families report that their children are engrossed in their iPhones for up to four hours a day. The “norm” is for children to pick up their phones the minute they arrive home and not put them down until the battery dies or their bedtime is announced. It becomes all too easy for families to accept this as normal. Many parents compare their child’s device usage to that of other families who permit even more screen time. When weighed against the permissive behaviors of others, they begin to feel morally superior for the “limits” they have placed on their children. But those limits aren’t really limits at all. Four hours of screen time is not healthy for the cognitive or emotional development of any child. Yet devices make for easy babysitters—a convenient option for families with busy lifestyles.
But children must learn this behavior from somewhere. They don’t pop out of the womb with an iPhone attached to their hand. Where do they learn this dependence on internet-enabled devices?
In most cases, they learn it from their parents, who are modeling poor social behavior. It becomes all too easy to forget the boundaries our parents set for us during our formative years. Though we didn’t have smartphones, we did have the telephone, the television, and video games. While our parents didn’t discourage the use of any of these items, most were quick to teach balance. Twenty minutes of a video game or a half-hour favorite TV show a night was sufficient. There still needed to be time for homework, baths, and running around outdoors with our best pals. Our lives were about balance and connection with family and friends. We had to learn to share, enjoy life’s pleasures in moderation, and make time for our commitments.
After all, life isn’t just about play. The “norm” shows no regard for the balance required for a productive, fulfilled life. The emphasis on disengagement and solitary activities leads to children unable to establish meaningful relationships with real people. But the truth is, we’ve fallen into this trap as well. Many of us have forgotten the important lessons of our youth. Adults can easily become embroiled in online activities to the detriment of real-life relationships, including those with our own families. We have to do better. The future of our children depends on it.
The Problem of Disposable Relationships
Before the 1970s, divorce was exceedingly rare. Many children grew up not knowing a single friend whose parents were no longer together. Sadly, today, broken homes are the “norm.” In any given school in North America, up to 50 percent or more of children come from broken homes. Many parents justify the end of a marriage by saying they fell out of love or they simply aren’t into the person they promised to love forever anymore. It has become the norm to cast aside vows sworn to last eternity as the dream of a wedding fades and the reality of marriage sets in. The wedding is the easy part, but marriage is hard, and few are willing to work to keep it going.
Today’s society has made it all too easy to find someone new to rekindle those “first blush” feelings of romance. With a few clicks of a computer mouse, anyone can find someone new to “love.” But it’s not just love that people seek on the internet. The World Wide Web also gives people the opportunity to engage in emotional and sexual affairs, placing already shaky marriages on even shakier ground.
Hollywood paints a glamorous picture of love, life, and sex, yet few people realize it’s an illusion. True life is not the highlight reel you see on Facebook. Walking into marriage expecting what you see on TV is a recipe for disaster. No one feels loving one hundred percent of the time. We choose to be loving in spite of how we feel because we’ve committed to love someone until death do us part. No marriage is perfect, and all of them require work, but our honor, commitment, and word compel us to do the work our marriages deserve. Relationships are not disposable. People are not disposable. Life is hard, but we must be strong enough to face it and work through its challenges to reap the greater rewards.
The Problem of Instant Gratification
Not long ago, if you didn’t make an effort in school, you failed. There were established criteria that all children had to meet to advance to the next grade. This system wasn’t designed to punish children; it simply worked on a tiered system that provided a foundation which had to be fully understood before progressing. It was designed with the best of intentions—to equip children with the necessary skills to function well in the real world. Failing to understand the material in one grade meant greater difficulty mastering the next level. Mastery of one year’s lessons was necessary for success. However, today, it seems immaterial whether subject matter is comprehended, as children are passed through the system regardless of outcomes. This new “norm” was intended to spare feelings, but it simply sets children up for future failure. Sadly, gaps in education become glaringly apparent, and lives are negatively impacted when progress is halted due to the lack of a proper educational foundation.
But lack of progress isn’t the only issue with this system. Work ethic is also at stake. Kids who receive rewards without any expectation of effort on their part easily become entitled, thinking the world owes them something. The truth is the world operates on effort to achieve outcomes. No effort on the job equals no paycheck. These are the harsh realities of life. Isn’t it kinder for children to learn these lessons in the cushioned setting of elementary school, rather than in a real-world job where their survival depends on making a living?
Work ethic teaches that you get out of something what you put into it. A system that equally rewards extra effort and no effort at all is simply unfair and discourages hard-working kids from making any effort. As a result, great potential is wasted in a system that doesn’t properly reward effort, talent, and ingenuity. We are all unique, and we all have a role to play in life. It’s important, but the reality is we can’t all be what we want to be. Not all of us are meant to be doctors or lawyers. Not all of us can be electricians or hairdressers. But that’s part of the beauty of life—we are all integral pieces of a larger puzzle. Extra effort should be rewarded, and every child should be encouraged and shaped to reach their greatest potential.
The Problem of the “Wanties”
Today, we replace our furniture, cars, homes, and phones every few years—not because they are worn out, but because it has simply become the “norm” to want the latest and greatest. Keeping up with the Joneses is wearing us out financially, physically, and emotionally. We become caught up in a consumeristic culture that bases our worth not on who we are inside, but on what we own and accumulate. This leads to crushingly low self-esteem and devastating debt. We end up with far more than we need and become burdened by trying to pay for it all.
The truth is, many of these new “norms” are destroying our families, work ethic, and relationships. Raising kids today is, in many ways, easier than it was for our forefathers. It’s sad that we believe it is so difficult.
The Crux of the Matter
Perhaps if we put down the iPhone and the latte, and stopped posting “perfect” pictures of our lives on every social media platform, we’d have time to make a loaf of bread or a batch of cookies. We’d have the luxury of sitting with our families and really talking. If we bought fewer things, we’d have the freedom to work fewer hours and devote the extra time to the people we love. Perhaps if we spent more time with our kids and spouse, there would be fewer kids in counseling, on prescription drugs, and fewer divorces.
The “norm” is killing society. Never in our history has there been so many self-help books written, so many people on anti-depressants, so much obesity, depression, divorce, struggles with allergies, and pollution. It’s time to get back to our roots and stop following the “norm.” Our families depend on it.
