Do you ever find yourself complaining about the laziness of your children? Can you spend several hours cleaning your home, only for the kids to come home and wreck your efforts in less than an hour? Do you have a hard time walking through your house without finding your kids’ belongings scattered all over the floor or couch? When you ask your kids to do something, do you literally have to force them to follow through with the chore at hand?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you might have lazy children. So, who should take the blame for lazy children? While you spent your youth doing chores—from cutting the grass to doing the dishes several times a week—your own children seem to have no sense of duty to the home. Have kids changed, or has parenting changed?
Raising Motivated Kids Starts with Clear Expectations
The reality is that if you have lazy kids at home, chances are you’ve played a part in raising them this way. Sure, you may not have done it on purpose—but somehow, they’ve learned that laziness is acceptable. After all, if you ask your kids to pick up after themselves but end up doing it yourself out of frustration (or fear that they’ll think you’re a nag), you’re reinforcing their laziness. Your kids learn the ropes of life from you, and if you haven’t set clear boundaries and expectations, naturally, they will take advantage of that. If you teach them, through your actions, that you will always take care of things for them, then you have no one to blame but yourself for their inclination to be lazy.
Truth be told, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If they think they can get out of work, they will. (After all, why not?) If they know that mom will pick up every crumb behind them, they won’t bother doing it themselves. But start throwing anything they leave on the floor in the trash, and you might get a different result. Start making their chore lists contingent on the rewards in life, and they may start doing their chores more eagerly. Start being consistent with your expectations and consequences, and they’ll likely start listening. Hold your kids responsible for the outcomes they receive in life—whether at home, in extra-curricular activities, or at school—and your kids will grow into better adults in the long run.
The worst thing a parent can do is expect a child to care about something, whether it’s the cleanliness of their room or their willingness to do homework, just because mom and dad care. Your kids have to develop a desire for success in life, which can only come by being held accountable for their actions. Lazy kids aren’t born; they’re created—often by parents who do too much, expect too little, and parent under a veil of guilt that keeps them from holding their kids to high expectations.
The reality is that, as your child grows up, the harder it will be to motivate them. If they’ve become accustomed to you doing every little thing for them and only have to listen to your disgruntled rants when they don’t meet your expectations, you’ve certainly set the stage for them to be lazy and unmotivated.
How to Raise Motivated Kids
So, what’s the real question? How do you raise kids who aren’t lazy? Inherently, kids will choose laziness—but only if laziness is an option. This doesn’t mean you should make extreme demands on your kids or strip them of their childhood joy by piling on endless chores and expectations. It simply means you should be clear about what you expect from them and ensure that they follow through. This commitment to task and the ability to manage their responsibilities—whether it’s taking out the trash or turning in homework on time—is an essential life skill they will need to be successful adults. In other words, don’t feel guilty about teaching your child the relationship between hard work and success. And this lesson starts at home.
Obviously, kids will choose laziness if given the choice. While kids should have the freedom to live carefree, relaxing lives, they should also be held to certain expectations. Motivating your kids is about finding out what’s important to them. Teaching them that they’ll have to do things they don’t want to do, or don’t enjoy, is part of the deal for doing the things they are passionate about. This helps them become self-motivated. At the end of the day, every parent should want their child to be self-motivated rather than relying on constant nagging to get things done.
Changing your lazy kids into motivated, responsible ones may take some work. It may also take patience on your part to stop hovering and doing everything for them. Even so, the reward—for both you and them—is definitely worth the frustrations you might feel.
