Should You Let Your Baby Cry It Out? A Guide to Sleep Training

baby boy crying

For new parents, nothing is more frustrating than a baby who won’t sleep. This problem is often made worse by other parents who claim their little darlings slept through the night from the age of six weeks. When faced with parents gleefully bragging about their infants’ perfect sleep cycles, you can take comfort in two things:

One, the parents are probably stretching the truth. For most parents, the timeframe involved in sleeping “through the night” tends to be fairly elastic. Some will even claim that sleeping from midnight until 6 a.m. is considered sleeping “through” the night.

Two, there is no shortage of resources available to help you get your baby to sleep.

Help in Getting Baby to Sleep

Do an Internet search, and you’ll find countless web pages dedicated to babies and sleep. Most of them fall into two camps – the “cry it out” or Ferberizers, and the “co-sleep” or “family bed” advocates. In the interests of full disclosure, I will admit to falling into the latter camp. But in researching the Ferber method, I was surprised to find that it’s not the harsh, “leave-the-baby-to-cry-in-the-dark” philosophy I had always believed it to be.

The Ferber method was developed by Dr. Richard Ferber in his 1985 book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. His method is often referred to as the “cry it out” method, although Dr. Ferber does not use that term. In his book, Dr. Ferber shows parents how they can teach a child to soothe themselves to sleep starting at around 5 or 6 months of age.

Contrary to the negative connotations associated with the term “cry it out,” his method does not involve heartlessly placing your baby in the crib and leaving them to cry. Instead, you start with a warm and loving bedtime routine. You then place Baby in the crib awake and leave them for gradually longer periods (even if they’re crying) so they can learn to fall asleep on their own. Ferber provides a chart of “progressive waiting” times, during which you can comfort the baby with pats on the back, but cannot pick them up or feed them.

The main criticism of the Ferber method has been that it diminishes a baby’s sense of security and leads to a lack of intimacy. In reality, this view is a misconception. Ferber’s method involves considerably more soothing than the term “cry it out” implies. While some parents may have interpreted Ferber’s method as a license to leave a crying baby alone, that was never his intent. In fact, he strongly disapproves of parents leaving a baby in a crib to cry for long periods.

Rather, Ferber’s method was designed to avoid unnecessary crying and to provide comfort to the baby. By being there to soothe the child, you offer reassurance while the baby trains herself to fall asleep. His concept of progressive waiting allows you to leave Baby only when you feel ready.

Another misconception is that Dr. Ferber claimed his method would work easily and for everyone. Not so. He acknowledges that sleep training can be a long process and offers suggestions for what to do if the method doesn’t work.

In the 2006 revised edition of his book, Dr. Ferber stresses that a wide range of approaches to sleep may be needed, and parents must do what is best for their families. With his advice, you may soon discover what sleeping through the night truly means.

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