At some point, it becomes inevitable—your child will be invited to a sleepover. They’ll come home red-faced and excited, thrilled that they were invited to a schoolmate’s house for a birthday party and overnight stay. “Can I go? Can I go?” The problem is, you don’t really know the parents hosting the party. There’s a small feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wonder if they’ll be going to a safe house. You might also worry about whether your child is prepared to witness the inner dynamics of another person’s household. And you know, from experience and the news, that things aren’t always as they seem from the outside.
Letting your child go to sleepovers is a big step in learning to let go and trust others. When you know the family well, allowing your child to spend the night can be a welcomed opportunity for a date night. However, as your child starts to socialize outside of the “controlled social environment,” they’re bound to be invited to a stranger’s home. In today’s world, sleepover parties can begin as early as the first grade. But is a first grader—around 6 or 7 years old—really responsible enough to spend the night at a stranger’s house? How do you, as a parent, get to know the adults in charge better so you can at least feel certain that your child will be safe?
How to Ensure Your Child is Ready and Safe for a Sleepover
First, make sure your child is ready. The idea of a sleepover may seem exciting, but actually staying overnight, especially until the wee hours, can be frightening for some kids. If your child has sleep issues or fears, suggest that they attend the party but that you’ll pick them up before it’s time for lights out. This is an easier solution than picking them up in the middle of the night and saves them any potential embarrassment. Remember, you know your child best, and you’re the best judge of whether they’re ready or not.
If you don’t know the parents well, there are ways to assess the situation before giving your child the green light to go. If the hosting parents seem offended or agitated when you ask questions, that should raise a red flag. After all, every parent should have similar concerns. The best approach is to RSVP to the invitation, then try to spark up a general conversation with the parents. Feel them out and try to get a sense of who they are. You can even drive by the home before the party to check out the living conditions. Also, don’t forget to ask the parents in your child’s social circle for any insights they might have. A quick Google search or even speaking to your child’s teacher can offer valuable information about the family’s character.
Additionally, if you decide to let your child go, the hosting parents should welcome you inside their home—especially if this is the first time you’ve been invited. They should also be willing to sit down with you for a few minutes to chat. There’s nothing wrong with breaking the ice by saying, “This is the first time Sara’s going to a sleepover, and we’re both a little nervous.” Any parent who shares your values will understand your concerns and do their best to address them.
Gaining access to the inside of the home can reveal a lot about the family and the environment your child will be in. Keep an eye out for red flags such as trashcans full of empty beer cans, cigarettes, or other signs of an unhealthy home environment. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, change your plan. Let the parents know you’ll be picking your child up early due to “other plans.” Also, make sure to meet all the adults in the home. Ask about older siblings who may also be there, as they can sometimes cause issues or create an unsafe environment for younger children.
For many parents, the fear of crossing the line and appearing rude or invasive when bringing their child to a “stranger’s home” is real. However, keep in mind that you only have one chance to ensure your child’s safety. When you entrust your child to someone else’s care, you must be certain they’re in a safe environment. It’s also your right to know everything your child will be doing at the party and what the plans are. The last thing you want to find out later is that the family took all the kids out for ice cream at 11 p.m. on a whim.
Another great safety measure is to arm your child with a cell phone. Even young children can usually work a cell phone. This gives them an easy way to contact you if they feel uncomfortable for any reason. If your child has a phone, they can discreetly go to the bathroom and call you without making a fuss in front of their friends or classmates. Make sure to discuss safety protocols beforehand—remind your child that no matter the time, they can call you and you’ll come to pick them up. When children know they have a safety net, they’re more likely to act responsibly and trust their instincts.
