You have the house with the white picket fence. The minivan is parked in the garage, and every room in your home is filled with the colors of childhood. You spend your weekends at the zoo, taking in the newest Disney Live show, and planning vacation destinations in places like Disney World. Every decision you make—from where you live to what food you stock in the fridge—is made with the best intentions for your child at the forefront of your life.
Then one morning, you wake up, step out of bed, and step on a Barbie doll in your hurry to fix Fruit Loops. That’s when it hits you: life after children isn’t all it was cracked up to be. When was the last time you slept past 8 a.m.? When was the last time you spent an entire day in bed with your spouse, making love and watching television intermittently without interruption? When was the last time a simple trip to the grocery store was easy? And where in the hell is all the money you work so hard to earn going?
The reality of life is pretty insane. You start out clinging to your family, only to realize, by the time you’re a teenager, that you can’t wait to grow up and get away from it all. Then, you spend your time out on your own, plowing through life, making stupid mistakes, doing whatever you want—only to find that you’re desperately trying to find someone to settle down with again. You push aside everything you learned from your own parents about relationships and life, and wholeheartedly believe it will all be different for you.
Then, you meet him or her, at a bar during a night of wild partying, and a few months later, you willingly put all that freedom and wild oat sowing aside to be “in a relationship.” Next up, pressure to get married and nagging desires to have children, because nothing else in the world could be so meaningful, right? (Funny how you forget what a pain in the butt you were as a child.) But still, you cannot imagine life without children—only to wake up a decade later, wondering if there is any life left after children. What were you thinking?
Life After Children: A Wake-Up Call
It’s amazing how the innate desire for procreation can make perfectly sane, successful, and happy people put aside careers, dreams, passions, freedom, and financial prosperity just to bring a tiny baby into the home. It’s also pretty crazy that, regardless of all the struggles you’ve seen in friends and family members raising children, you still believe you can do it better and without a hitch. You never believe that you and your spouse will be the ones who don’t have sex. Your children will love life with you because you’ll be the most perfect parents ever imaginable, doing everything the complete opposite of how your own parents did things.
Then, one day, those angelic children of yours say they hate you, and you look in the mirror with tear-stained eyes, only to realize you have turned into your own mother! And if that isn’t enough to scare you into hiding in some foreign country, you have another child… and another… and lay down $25,000 for a van that can magically play even more cartoons, ensuring you’re never able to escape the madness of life with children. Instead of spending that $5,000 you saved for a peaceful vacation in the Caribbean, sipping fancy drinks and getting a tan, you opt for overgrown, life-sized versions of the most annoying characters in the world. Oh yeah, life after children is wonderful.
It really is no wonder that so many people are left holding a half-empty cup after they have children of their own. It could be that nearly all of us enter marriage and parenthood with twisted and unrealistic ideals about how things will be. We somehow believe we can defeat the odds and don’t take ten seconds to heed the warnings or advice of people who have already been there. Our own parents are just happy we finally understand them (how awful is that?) and gloat at the opportunity to be grandparents.
In the meantime, you’re exhausted, hideously drained, and a bit too juvenile, choosing all things kid-safe and friendly over adult excitement and adventure. You and your spouse pass each other by, both wondering what the heck went wrong, barely recognizing one another as the same people from your wedding day. And sex? Well, let’s not even go there. After all, that’s what got you into this mess in the first place.
The really sad part is that there is life after children. In no time at all, you’ll find yourself sitting at your child’s high school or college (God willing) graduation, dealing with empty nest syndrome, and wondering what you will do with your life now. First, you’ll need to reconnect and get to know your spouse all over again. You’ll actually have to find something else to talk about besides the kids. You’re still broke, your big house is empty, and having an office of your own suddenly doesn’t seem so important.
Your kids are out in the world, making mistakes, and now you have to figure out what life after children holds for you. Are you going to wait for grandchildren, or are you going to live a little? For years, you swore under your breath, feeling jailed and trapped by the confines of family, secretly dreaming about wild escapes and adventures you could be having if only… And now, that time has come, and you wish you could have your old life back again.
The really ironic part is that most of us spend the stage of life we’re in wishing we could be in a different stage. What if, just once, we decided to carpe diem—be happy, content, and grateful for the place our feet are currently planted? Chances are, we would never wonder about life after children. Instead, we would just go with the flow, living with no regrets, and never spending so much time looking forward that we fail to see what is right in front of us. But that would likely be too simple.
