Diamonds are a girl’s best friend? And getting a shiny new car wrapped in a red ribbon on Christmas morning is perhaps the best present a spouse could receive, right?
If you ask most married folks, they’d say the complete opposite. In fact, more husbands and wives are counting their marital blessings by appreciating the little things their spouse does—those small, unique, and meaningful gestures. Leaving a good morning note, writing “I love you” on an icy windshield, or even remembering to put the toilet seat down (or not ‘borrow’ your husband’s razor) are the little things that truly matter in a marriage.
The honest truth is that these everyday acts—often the byproducts of coexisting with another person—are what make marriage easier, and in many cases, what keep people together. After all, who really wants to “train” another man or woman to stop doing all the little things that drive them nuts?
Big surprises and grand gestures are definitely appreciated.
Nonetheless, these larger acts—whether material or emotional—can’t make up for the millions of small moments shared between two people. If selfishness or a lack of mutual respect exists, no single grand gesture can undo the damage it causes. But participating in the little things, day in and day out, is a true investment in your relationship—and it only requires two things: dedication and respect.
When you listen closely to what your spouse says, when you see past their frustration or hurt and recognize that you hold the key to their happiness, you can make a monumental difference in how your marriage functions—for both of you.
The Little Things That Strengthen a Marriage
Married people complain a lot. They say their wife no longer wants to have sex. They say their husband doesn’t help around the house and treats them like a maid. They reminisce about things that seem to come from another lifetime: “He used to put gas in my car,” or “She always had dinner ready when I got home.”
The list is endless—and most of it stems from the feeling that your spouse just doesn’t care anymore. Life gets busy, and the relationship starts to feel as familiar (and maybe as worn out) as an old couch that knows just where your backside will land. But marriage has to stay fresh. Once it becomes stale, spouses start to feel neglected, and those little things that once made all the difference suddenly become painful reminders of what’s missing.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “If they won’t do it, then I won’t either.” It’s a defense mechanism, one that keeps people from getting hurt or from admitting they need love and attention. Why is it embarrassing to admit we want to be treated with care and affection? Because no one wants to appear needy, clingy, or high-maintenance. No spouse wants to ask for things like respect and love—they assume that if their partner wanted to do those things, they would. So if they’re not doing it, clearly they don’t want to.
That kind of passive-aggressive thinking can seriously damage your relationship. In the long run, marriage isn’t about keeping score or proving who’s doing more. It’s about making sure that, no matter what, the slack in the rope is always being pulled tight—even if you’re the one who has to do the pulling. And the little things? They’re the muscle that keeps that rope strong.
So, maybe you say you try. Maybe you compliment your spouse often. Maybe you go out of your way to show you care through small acts of kindness. You might even go big sometimes and surprise them with something huge. But ask yourself—are you doing it because they asked you to, or because you genuinely want to?
Spouses can sense when gestures are hollow. What they really want is sincerity—the kind they know you’re capable of from past experience.
The little things that count in a marriage are different for every couple. That’s why it’s important to talk openly about what these “little things” actually are. If your husband surprises you with a picnic lunch, or your wife sends you a flirty, explicit email out of the blue, make sure they know how much it meant to you.
Also understand that “the little things” change over time as your relationship evolves. Maybe they used to bring you flowers, but now they show up on Friday nights with your favorite chicken sandwich and a Coke float—because they know you hate cooking on Fridays and that’s exactly what you need after a long week. That’s still love. That’s still a little thing that counts.
Just as it’s important to do the little things for your spouse, it’s equally important to recognize the things your spouse does to please you—and only you.
