Crosby, Stills, and Nash seemed to get it right when they sang the 60s anthem, “Love the One You’re With!” The song, reminiscent of a time when people were more adept at seeking good times and relishing in the moment rather than dwelling in the past or the “could-be’s” of life, offers a valuable lesson for every generation. Loving the one you’re with makes good use of your time and efforts, removing the feelings of pensive resentment that can set in after years of a routine relationship.
That being said, there are probably only a handful of couples who have never looked back at their choices in life and wondered at one point or another: What if they had turned left instead of right at the fork in the road? Would life have turned out better? Would they be happier now? Would that ‘other’ person from your past have made a better life partner? As we speak of anthems, it seems that when it comes to the people in our lives, the grass always seems greener on the other side— but rarely is!
The Reality of Infidelity and Expectations
If you look at the high incidences of infidelity in relationships, it seems that many people are nipping grass from the other side of the fence. Perhaps the reason is that, as the humdrum routines of their current relationship settle in like cobwebs in the corners of the walls, life becomes boring. We think that the woman or man who looks at us with that curious, flirtatiousness will ignite a spark in our lives that is missing. We think that another person will provide us with what’s missing in our lives and that maybe our choice to settle down with the one we were with was the wrong choice— that something better is waiting in the wings of destiny.
What most people find is that the new thing ends up just like the old thing. What if all that effort in seeking out something better were turned inward to the life we are currently living? Wouldn’t our real and present lives be made even more abundant?
Loving the one you’re with is about realizing that you are lucky and blessed in so many ways, and it extends beyond our partners to our families as well. It is about deciding that, instead of coexisting with our spouses, parents, and kids, we begin to truly live with and for them—breaking out of routines and spending each day as though it could quite possibly be our last. It is also about creating love inside of ourselves and giving it to the people around us without holding back or counting what we get or don’t get in return. Loving the one you’re with is very much about living in the moment and realizing, just like the old Crosby, Stills, and Nash song says, “there is already a rose in the fisted glove!” What we have in our hands and in our lives right now are worth living for and worth expressing in ways that make us feel satisfied.
It’s so easy to look at our neighbors, friends, people on TV, and extended families and compare ourselves to them. Everything may seem better, more fun, and there is always someone who seems to be living exactly the life we wish we had. Their relationship seems full of zest, they have the nicest things, they take the best vacations, and all looks perfect. The bottom line is, if you were a fly on the wall in that home, you’d see that the husband and wife probably rarely talk without the kids interrupting. The children fight, and the bills they have to pay are just as meddling as the ones you face. Life is not about seeking something better outside of ourselves; it’s about seeking better from within ourselves so we can spread it around.
It only takes one succinct decision to start loving the one you’re with as if there is no tomorrow. When you see your life as full instead of lacking, you’ll begin to realize that you don’t need to look anywhere else for fulfillment. And you will be able to love the ones you are with, just as they deserve to be loved.
While it’s fun and exciting to imagine your life with that sexy scuba instructor—who seems far more exciting and worthy than your own husband, who is the perfect husband and father—chances are he would end up irritating you, just like your own husband does once the heated passion period is over. There are probably a hundred things he wouldn’t do down the road that would make you realize afterward just how lucky you already were.
When it comes to love and loving the one you’re with, it’s something worth doing! While the grass may look greener, there are probably tons of weeds suffocating the roots in the other yards of life that look so appealing from a distance. If the eagle can fly with the dove, then as humans, we should be able to spend our time loving the ones we are with every day as well.
