Many married couples with children share a common complaint: they don’t spend enough time together. In the long run, time is the one thing that no one can make more of. You, like many couples, probably find yourself reminiscing about the days when you and your spouse used to go out on dates, eat by candlelight, or simply lie in bed on a Sunday morning, enjoying each other’s company. Remember those spontaneous moments and uninterrupted conversations—like when your child wasn’t asking you to wipe their bottom? Ahh, those were the good old days.
What often starts out as a simple desire to be the best parents ends up with couples neglecting the things that are necessary to maintain a healthy and positive relationship. The truth is, it’s no one’s fault in particular, and the fix is easier than you might think. Eventually, the habit of spending quality time together gets replaced by the habits of parenthood. Before you know it, you’re waking up to a stranger. In marriages, when your spouse starts to feel like a stranger, that’s a blinking red flag—almost like a traffic light signaling danger. The best way to avoid this or to break out of a relationship rut is to make date nights a regular routine in your marriage.
Date nights may seem like an unattainable dream. Many couples find numerous reasons not to have date nights—whether it’s finances, stress, fatigue, or even just a lack of motivation. The key is to find a solution. The following tips will help you and your partner make time for each other again.
Tips for Making Date Nights a Priority in Your Marriage
If money is the issue, rest assured you don’t need to spend a lot (or any) money for a date night. Date night doesn’t have to mean going out for dinner. In fact, you could rent a Redbox movie, make peanut butter sandwiches, and enjoy a cozy night in your bedroom. The key is to spend some uninterrupted, quality time together. You could also go for an evening walk or take a shower together every night.
If you don’t have someone to watch your kids, consider a different approach. For most parents with young children, there’s plenty of time after the kids go to bed for a couple to spend quality time together. Try making Friday night dinner special for the kids, put them to bed, and then enjoy a grown-up meal with your spouse afterward. Light candles, savor the food, and enjoy each other’s company—who cares if it’s midnight?
Lock your bedroom door. If you miss those lazy Sunday mornings snuggling in bed with your spouse, lock your bedroom door so you won’t be worried about being “caught in the act” or interrupted. Your kids are getting older, and as long as you’ve made things safe for them (and can hear them if needed), taking 30 minutes to be alone with your spouse is important.
Learn to trust a babysitter. Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or even a neighbor down the street, try to find someone who can look after your kids for short periods. Even if the grandparents don’t do things the way you would, it’s worth giving them a chance. Allowing others to care for your children benefits both you and your kids.
If stress and fatigue are the issue and you can’t stay awake after the kids go to bed, try getting up earlier. Alternatively, visit your spouse during your lunch break while the kids are at school. By prioritizing both your personal and relationship needs, you’ll find that you feel happier—and that happiness leads to more energy all around.
Set boundaries with the kids. This is crucial. From the moment you become parents, it’s easy to put your kids’ needs above your own. But when mom and dad are talking, watching a movie together, or simply spending time in their room, kids need to learn to respect those boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with telling your child that they need to wait or that entering your bedroom unannounced is not acceptable. Couples need time together to nurture their relationship, and children must understand that parents are allowed to have private, intimate moments. The happier the couple, the happier the kids will be.
Mark date nights on your calendar. If you don’t schedule time with your spouse, it can easily slip through the cracks. If you want to go out, make sure you plan it and stick to the plan. When you look at your calendar, you’ll find there are openings to carve out time for just the two of you. But you have to make it a priority.
Talk. Ask your spouse how their day went. Call them during the day. Send a text. Make an effort to remember that you have a relationship outside of family responsibilities. Staying in communication is vital—it will keep the two of you connected and increase your desire to spend time together.
You may worry that you’ve forgotten how to be alone with your spouse. He or she may feel like a complete stranger. The worst thing you can do is avoid togetherness. You’ll find that when you start spending time alone together again, the two of you will easily fall back into old, comfortable habits. If it feels awkward at first, don’t give up. While there are plenty of excuses that can get in the way of date nights, none of them are valid if you want to keep your marriage healthy and happy.
