Time flies when you are having fun. And even when you’re not having fun—when the hard times of life hit you like a semi-truck—time is still flying. One piece of advice that is always good to instill in your kids is the catchphrase, “this too shall pass.” Because no matter how good or how bad life is, in a year’s time—or five years’ time—certain things will be over. What you’ll be left with are memories. One of the most amazing things about the human family is that, throughout your life, you are constantly making memories together.
The Evolution of Memories Over Time
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce, or simply the changing seasons of life, is that, in retrospect, it’s easy to look back and see all the memories you’ve shared with others. In the course of a single year, a lot can happen within a family. Granted, some years are less memorable or life-changing than others, but as a whole, your life never remains in the same place. You are an evolutionary, constantly transitioning creature.
Take, for instance, the life of your children. When they were born, they were little more than a bundle of joy wrapped in a blue or pink blanket. Within months, they are interacting with you, smiling, sitting up. Suddenly, they are stealing the spoon from your hand, feeding themselves, throwing away the baby bottles, and quickly destroying your toilet paper stockpile as they tire of wearing diapers. While it’s happening, time and the memories of your children seem like a slow-motion picture. Then, one day, you wake up, and it’s time to walk that same child into preschool or kindergarten. It can be bewildering how quickly it all happened. Wake up another day, and your child is asking you for the car keys, moving on to college, or spending all their time with a boy or girl they ‘love.’ All of this happens in what seems like a small period of time, filled with hundreds upon thousands of memories.
Our memories of what has been—and what is—are clearly what tie us together as a family. It is these memories that build our familial foundation, turning simple things, like fishing on Easter morning, into treasured traditions.
Right now, think back to your wedding. What song did you and your spouse choose as your wedding song? How do you feel now when you hear that song? Certainly, a lot has transpired between now and the moment that you said, “I do!” Some of those experiences may be painful to think about. You may have had expectations that were not fulfilled, or you may have been disappointed at times. Perhaps you were even heartbroken. But intertwined with those memories are all the amazing things that happened—the very things that brought the two of you together in the first place. As you rewind through memories, it’s normal and natural to realize that your life has been a complicated balance of good and bad memories. The good doesn’t erase the bad, and the bad doesn’t overpower the good memories. Each memory has offered you something to learn, a reason to grow, and an opportunity to feel blessed.
Think back to when you first started your dream job. How many promotions have you had since then? How has your life changed since you first bought your new house? Can you remember the walls, once bland and pasty white, now filled with nail holes from the many colors you’ve added over time? Is there a mark somewhere in your home where you’ve measured your children, year by year, marking their growth in a tangible way that doesn’t involve the emotions and memories of them actually growing away from you?
What about the first car you bought? Do you remember how it felt to get behind the wheel for the first time? How frustrated were you when the heater core leaked antifreeze onto your nicest pair of leather shoes? For just a few minutes, at least, wouldn’t you love to somehow have those first feelings of freedom and independence from your first car purchase back? The good news is that you can—through your memories.
One of the best things about making memories together with the people you love is that you always have the choice to revisit them. Memories are our legacy. They are the things no one can put on a tombstone because they live so exclusively in our hearts. And memories are a completely personalized journal of one’s life.
The memories you have of your life as a spouse or parent are completely different from the ones your spouse has of you, or the ones your kids have of their childhood. Each person chooses which memories to keep in their file, and each experience in life touches individual family members differently. But put all those memories together, and you’re left with a patchwork quilt of your life—a quilt that not only keeps you warm when life grows cold but also keeps the light of happiness alive.
Many people, reaching the end of their lives, begin reminiscing about the past. It is often surprising to others the memories they choose to recount. Sometimes, it’s not the big moments—the ones wrapped in silver bows and accompanied by loud bells and giant whistles—that people cling to. Instead, it’s the small moments: driving around with your now spouse, listening to silly songs on the radio together, or the first time your child said “I love you.” Or maybe it’s the silly tradition you had as a child, which somehow always made your bad memories less important.
Whatever memories you are thinking about today, always remember that each and every day is a new opportunity to make more memories together.
