It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what the Hollywood ending of most movies, sitcoms, or television shows will entail. In fact, just the other day while watching Water for Elephants, I heard a 9-year-old predict the harmonious outcome that would be the ending. One of the reasons Gone with the Wind has been so acclaimed throughout the years is because the ending between Rhett and Scarlet was so shockingly different from typical Hollywood endings. Everyone assumed that the two of them would end up together, never expecting Rhett to storm out of the house and say, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” ending the love story with a broken heart rather than a happily-ever-after.
You have to wonder if this is part of the problem for so many people today. You start a relationship thinking you’re living out a scene from Fast and Furious, spending nearly every second of your time together. Lying in bed, talking, making love as often as possible, holding hands, kissing, and feeling as though the two of you are lost in a love cave of your own—it can blur the reality of what relationships are truly about. The reality is that most marriages don’t have a storybook ending. In fact, most end much like the relationship between Rhett and Scarlet, with an angry goodbye and a broken heart.
The Illusion of Hollywood Romance
Obviously, mainstream media knows how many of us are suckers for love stories. Watch any box office hit, whether it’s directed for love-struck teens like the Twilight movies or for literary adults such as Water for Elephants, and you can see the pattern. If a movie was about broken hearts and the end of love, most people wouldn’t want to sit through it. After all, who wants to revisit the painful emotions that come with a broken heart? We want to see the happy ending—the marriage, the happy kids, the old couple rocking on the front porch after 62 years of wedded bliss. We want to see the couple reconcile after infidelity and fight for each other, even if it takes their own death to win the war.
Nobody wants to see people breaking up, fighting, or struggling to make things work. (Unless, of course, it’s a comedy.) No one wants to watch a couple not talking, not making love, or feeling frustrated at the mere sight of one another. You don’t want to hear how raising teenage daughters and managing a household can be difficult for two people. You don’t want to watch a television show that mirrors your own stressful life. This is exactly why reality isn’t often portrayed in the media. But what happens in real life and in marriage is often the opposite of what we dream.
The problem is that, according to statistics, more than half of us will face the later fate. And even if you get married and stay married, few people report being in truly happy marriages. This is disheartening information in a world that glorifies love and growing old together, especially when it seems so rare these days. The statistics alone tell us something that the heart refuses to believe: Love is not forever, and love doesn’t always last. In your lifetime, you may fall in love many times and fall out of love just as many. And that’s okay!
It’s important to be realistic (note that “pessimistic” was not mentioned) when entering a relationship. The truth is, you can fantasize about many things, but turning them into reality takes a lot of hard work. Marriage, jobs, children, growing up, family pressures, and the added responsibilities of adulthood can change you and your partner. Your goals will eventually shift from making love every day to communicating effectively and finding the best in one another. Your married love will also have to learn to look past selfishness, idiosyncrasies, and other irritating habits that you never knew existed in the beginning. People don’t talk about these things in the movies or warn you about them beforehand, because, honestly, you wouldn’t listen. Just like you wouldn’t knowingly spend time watching a movie or reading a book that you know will leave you sad and heartbroken. Love and making marriage last is a lesson everyone must learn on their own. Sometimes, the lesson is simply that you chose the wrong person, or that married life isn’t as beautiful, exciting, and romantic as you once imagined.
At some point, you have to let go of the illusion of love—the kind created by Hollywood and other entertainment industries. Instead, decide that you want your life to be filled with the kind of love that works for you. Hold your relationship to a standard that reflects reality, rather than some movie fantasy.
Keep in mind that the illusion of love and the romanticism of relationships in general are meant to entertain us and keep us believing in the dream. If your relationship or marriage comes to an end and is closer to what Rhett and Scarlet went through, rather than a Cinderella story, know that you have lived, loved, and learned—and that more love awaits you.