Lots of people say that it takes two parents to raise a family. For many reasons, this is a statement most would agree with, especially if there are multiple children in the home. However, many mothers, though married, find themselves raising the kids alone while Dad works outside the home to earn a living. This arrangement often creates a gap between Dad and the kids, which Mom typically bridges. Even though there are two parents in the home, only one seems responsible for the endless list of essential child-rearing tasks.
It’s important to acknowledge that the parent who is away most—whether Dad or Mom—is contributing by ensuring the family’s needs are met. Earning an income is one of the most critical aspects of parenthood. Yet, having a life partner who doesn’t fully share the hardest, most constant job can leave Mom feeling resentful and overwhelmed. In some families, Mom took charge once the kids were born, leaving little room for Dad to pitch in. As years pass, Dad may assume Mom prefers it this way, believing she’s better at it, and thus, he doesn’t intervene. Eventually, the initial excitement of tending to children fades for every mother, and many secretly long for help.
The Challenges of Parenting Alone in a Marriage
In some ways, being a married single parent can feel more challenging than being a single parent. Single parents know the full burden rests on them, sparing them the resentment of an absent spouse. In marriage, each partner brings expectations about parenting roles, assuming both will fulfill specific duties. When one parent doesn’t, can’t, or is unwilling to contribute, the other is left overwhelmed, impacting their parenting quality and emotional well-being.
Being married but raising kids alone creates a one-sided home environment. Children may sit right next to Dad on the couch yet still call for Mom to get a drink or sign a paper. This can leave Dad feeling excluded and irritated. Somehow, balance must be found amidst the chaos. Children deserve to know both parents are equipped to meet their needs, even if their approaches differ, yielding satisfactory results.
When one parent shoulders all child-rearing responsibilities, they lack alternatives or perspectives to enrich their children’s experiences. They rely solely on their own methods to answer questions, handle discipline, help with homework, or navigate life, depriving children of the broader perspective a second parent offers. Dad’s input can be insightful and inspiring, but if he’s rarely present or feels his contributions won’t be valued, the children miss out.
Moreover, a mom raising children alone in a marriage rarely gets a break. If she goes to the store, the kids come along. A short vacation feels impossible due to guilt or the belief that things won’t be handled properly without her. This dynamic breeds constant worry, preventing her from taking much-needed breaks that could preserve her sanity.
How can this be fixed? For most couples, this imbalance develops unintentionally. One solution is for the overburdened parent to reframe their partner’s absence as a benefit. Reminding kids that Dad’s hard work enables treats like a new TV or dining out can foster appreciation. When Dad is home, making him feel comfortable as a caretaker is crucial. If he deflects with “go ask your mother,” redirect the kids to him. Leaving him alone with the children for a few hours can build his confidence and the kids’ trust in his abilities. His Spaghettios might not taste like Mom’s, but they’ll do just fine!
Another key is communication. Parents must recognize when the load becomes too heavy and express this to their spouse. This isn’t admitting failure but a step toward better parenting. Gradually, kids can learn to rely on Dad, and Dad can master the nuances of child-rearing he may have missed. It truly takes two parents to raise children well. Being married but raising kids alone doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it solely the fault of the absent or less-involved parent. It takes both partners to create this dynamic and both to restore balance. With mutual effort, equilibrium can be achieved in no time.
One Response
But they can’t be rebalanced again. Not if your husband will lose his income if he isn’t a slave to the institution. I have raised our children alone for 10 years with little help, and the help I had was paid. Because in our life, we have to pay for love. Now I live in a different state as my husband, because Stanford is a miserable institution that justifies paying medical residents 40,000 BELOW THE POVERTY LEVEL. Yes, homeless doctors living in cars. Yay end-stage capitalism! Our children have grown up with such exhaustion and hardship just because we tried to provide them a decent life. This world is cruel if you aren’t born into wealth.