Marrying High School Sweethearts – Is it a Good Idea?

Jacob moved to a small town in Indiana the summer before 6th grade. When he started middle school, he met the girl of his dreams. Leanne was a cheerleader with curly brown hair and the bluest eyes he had ever seen. She lived in his neighborhood, about three streets away from him. One day, he walked her home from school, marking the first step in his lifelong journey with Leanne. By high school, they were dating—hot, heavy, and exclusively—and eventually ended up married. Everyone who knew them knew they would always be together! Seemingly, the world was right.

Not too many years ago, marrying your high school sweetheart was almost an expected part of growing up. Today, however, less than 2% of all new marriages result from a high school relationship.

Marriage and Changing Attitudes

Of the people who do marry their high school sweethearts, only a whopping 19% actually make it to college, and of that 19%, less than 2% finish. So, is it a good idea to fall in love early in life and choose to spend your life together? For many parents of teens, their biggest fear is their child becoming a parent too young, followed by them marrying too young.

What is interesting is that although the average age of first marriage is 17 years older than it was just a few decades ago, divorce rates for these marriages are close to half—whereas decades ago, divorce was a rare occurrence. With figures like these, it almost seems that marrying a high school sweetheart may offer the best chance of staying married! It stands to reason that when it comes to marriage, much more than our age of commitment has changed; our attitude has as well!

So, what exactly has changed in the past 40+ years? If you asked a general audience, fewer people today truly understand the vow they take. Marriage has become a “take it or leave it” situation for many, with couples often seeking a divorce at the first sign of trouble. Obviously, this has nothing to do with them getting married too young; because by and large, these divorces are occurring between middle-aged adults! Years ago, in cases of infidelity or strife, couples would take a stand and commit to the promises they made to one another, whether they liked it or not. They felt like they didn’t have a choice in the matter. Today’s couples are flagrantly aware that they can always leave one another, taking vows and commitments as little more than an ultimatum: “If you behave, I will stay. But if you don’t, I’m out.”

It is difficult to set a precedent for what marriage means when, in the back of your mind, there is always an opt-out. It’s like leasing a car, so when you tire of it, you can just trade it in every few years for a newer model. This way, you aren’t committed to the car company or dealership, and you don’t care about things like dropping ashes on the interior or bumping into a shopping cart to get a good parking spot! Does this same mentality contribute to the rapid increase in reported divorces each year?

Marrying your high school sweetheart can be compared to owning a classic antique car stored safely in the garage. You keep it covered during rain and storms, only driving it when the sun is shining. As soon as you return home, you’re out there polishing it off and refinishing it to its original shine. What if we treated our marriages with that same passion, love, exuberance, and respect? Perhaps the story of marital success would be different!

Obviously, parents want their children to live full lives, filled with opportunities to excel, grow, learn, and flourish. It’s natural to want more for their children than they had for themselves. In a recent survey, parents of high school kids overwhelmingly expressed the desire to delay their children’s marriages. Usually, the parents win out, and the children go to college, get successful jobs, branch out from their hometowns, and become independent, successful individuals who eventually marry someone else—maybe someone from college or a coworker! Yet, these couples have a higher chance of staying married than those from previous generations who found simplicity in love, locale, and marriage.

Does opportunity make us selfish? Does seeing the world make us impossible to please? Does dating various people for years, trying to find “the one,” make us overly picky and obsessive to the point of not being able to coexist with another person? After all, we don’t have to. For $350, we can get a divorce in less than a month (especially if there are no kids involved).

There is no intention to encourage anyone to let their 17-year-old marry. But there is value in pausing to think about how our lives might have been had we ended up marrying our high school sweetheart. Did the search for something better—the latest, greatest new car—cause us to lose the 1965 Corvette in mint condition?

Just yesterday, Jacob and Leanne took off the blue nylon cover on their 1947 Ford! They had the seats refurbished and the engine rebuilt years ago. This is the same car they sat in the day they kissed for the first time, and when Leanne had her first child, Jacob drove her to his mother’s house so she could deliver with the help of other women. Yesterday, they drove it 73 miles to their daughter’s house to celebrate their granddaughter’s birthday together.

Have they had hard times? Yes. Have they been unhappy at times? Yes. Did they ever wish they hadn’t married each other? Yes! But they never knew they could just leave, so they did what people who make promises, take vows, and believe in commitment do—they made it work. They kept changing the tires, so to speak, until everything ran smoothly. Marrying their high school sweetheart worked out well for them! Most importantly, Jacob and Leanne are still in love and have found almost everything they needed for a happy, fulfilling life in each other’s eyes and arms. When that wasn’t enough, they simply got in their car and drove, doing everything they could to keep it running so they wouldn’t have to buy another!