What is it about middle-aged women and empty nest syndrome that send psychologists scrambling for theories and creating ‘how-to’ manuals for their despairing clients? One undeniable fact is that it’s as traumatic as losing a loved one to illness. Psychologists say it can take anywhere from 18 months to two years before middle-aged women who exhibit symptoms of empty nest syndrome fully recover from their sadness when their children leave home.
The funny thing is, while some parents suffer from empty nest syndrome, others are suddenly burdened by boomerang kids. Makes you wonder which is the lesser evil.
Middle-Aged Women and the Empty Nest Syndrome
One question that arises about middle-aged women and empty nest syndrome is: Is it really just the empty nest syndrome at play when sons and daughters leave their parents’ home to lead their own lives? Or does it occur in tandem with other life events?
Counselors say that empty nest syndrome usually occurs around the same time as menopause, retirement, or the illness or death of a spouse. It also affects more women than men, since mothers typically provide the primary care for children. When they realize that their most important role—nurturing and raising children—is over, a feeling of panic and inadequacy often grips them. They question the purpose of their existence and wonder what there is left to do now that the kids are gone.
Planning Ahead
While the kids are still at home, mothers should do some forward planning to make the impact of their children’s departure less crippling. Here are some steps you can take:
- Read all you can about empty nest syndrome, and ask your psychologist or a professional what you can do to diminish the emotional pain.
- Look for support groups in your community where you can exchange ideas and experiences with others in similar situations.
- Take up a hobby that you’re passionate about, which you had to postpone because you were busy with the kids.
- Go back to school and take courses that interest you, or volunteer at a teenage shelter or a center for single mothers to offer support.
- Start a blog on the Internet about empty nest syndrome and see what other mothers have to say.
- Seek the support of your husband, family, and friends, and share your feelings with them.
- Make plans to visit your children as often as their schedules allow.
- Perhaps consider going back to work part-time.
Middle-Aged Women and the Empty Nest Syndrome | Ways of Coping
To lessen the impact of empty nest syndrome, here are some strategies you can adopt:
- Remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal to feel sad and depressed. Stay optimistic about the future. Treat the departure of your children as a reason to celebrate your newfound freedom.
- Make changes around the house to keep your mind off the empty spaces. Tend to the garden, redecorate your child’s room, or convert it into a study, yoga area, meditation room, or entertainment section.
- Communicate often with your spouse. Assure him that you’re not ‘going crazy,’ but rather going through a difficult period that will pass.
- Spend more time with your friends and colleagues at work. Perhaps they’re experiencing the same feelings.
- Don’t rush your recovery. Give yourself enough time to grieve, acknowledge your emotions, and avoid doing anything that feels unnatural or awkward, especially during the first few weeks after your children leave.
- Reach out and help someone else in need.
- Postpone any major decisions, like selling the house, until you’ve had time to think more clearly.
- Maintain your health routine. Don’t stop exercising or start indulging in junk food just because you’re feeling down. Empty nest syndrome is actually the perfect time to double down on your fitness and health goals.
Nothing Serious, But…
Middle-aged women and empty nest syndrome seem to go hand in hand, especially since it’s largely women who experience this syndrome. When ‘mom’ is suddenly Miss Independent, it can feel strange. It’s particularly difficult when those feelings of emptiness are coupled with menopausal episodes.
Fortunately, empty nest syndrome doesn’t trigger too much worry among physicians, so it’s not extensively covered in medical books. It’s not considered a preoccupation because, at its core, empty nest syndrome is simply a natural and logical stage in a woman’s life after having devoted much of her time to raising children.
However, when a woman cries excessively, loses interest in things that used to bring her joy, and her depression doesn’t lift, it may be time to seek help. This is when seeing a psychologist and undergoing behavioral therapy can be beneficial. A counselor can help middle-aged women understand their empty nest syndrome and determine if it’s actually menopause causing the overwhelming sadness.
The key is not to wait until symptoms worsen, as help is readily available.
Children Should Do Their Share
Husbands who notice changes in their wives’ behavior when the children leave home can take the initiative to speak with their children. He can ask them to be more understanding if their mother is calling them more frequently than usual. Explain to them that this is a logical result of not having anyone to care for at home. Children should cooperate and make an effort to stay in touch with their mother—reasonably. While daily calls aren’t necessary, some counselors recommend communication twice a week during the first few months.
If they’re away at university, children can also email their parents regularly to let them know they’re doing well.
In time, mothers will hopefully find their own way, take up new activities, and make plans for the future. Experiencing empty nest syndrome doesn’t signify the end of a woman’s life. In fact, there’s half a lifetime left, maybe even more! It pays to look after one’s health, whether or not there are children involved.
Empty nest syndrome should be viewed as a time of newfound freedom. When the children fade from the limelight, it’s the perfect moment for mothers to step into the spotlight—for themselves!
