Marriage Advice

My Husband is an Idiot – Why did I Marry Him?

If we were to hold a contest inviting all married women to provide as many reasons to explain why ‘my husband’s an idiot’, how many do you think would (a) participate in the survey and (b) give at least five reasons for their husband’s idiotic qualities?

We have a strong suspicion that the survey would be a popular one and probably make it to CNN, with a thousand reasons; but seriously, have you heard many tales of woe from frustrated wives and girlfriends, who after five years of marriage realize that there isn’t much difference between a floundering schoolboy and a grown-up male?

For instance, we’ve heard these complaints from some of our female colleagues and friends:

‘My husband’s an idiot after five years of marriage and three children, he still buys me underwear size small! Is he trying to tell me something or just doesn’t see the expanded me? Then he gets hurt when the underwear he buys is still in the original gift box.’

‘My husband’s an idiot the other day he insisted on sparing me a trip to the bank and offered to deposit the checks. I gave him the account number on a piece of paper with big bold numbers. What does he do? He deposits the checks into someone else’s account, mistaking the digit 9 for the digit 6.’

‘My husband’s an idiot he wanted to surprise me by taking me to this cute little village in Upper Canada. He said I’d enjoy the antique shops there. We’re driving along and then he misses a turn. I said, ‘let’s drop by the gas station and ask for directions.’ He says no. He kept refusing to swallow his pride and admit he was lost. We never made it to the antique town. I was so mad it made me feel like a piece of antique. Imagine wasting an entire day on the road, lost and bewildered.’

‘My husband’s an idiot he was called away suddenly on a trip to Asia. His laptop wasn’t working well so he borrowed our daughter’s new laptop, promising her that he would take good care of it. When he gets to Asia, he plugs it into 220 volts, eager to send us an email saying that he arrived safely. The laptop got fried, of course, and my daughter was in tears. She had her school project on the hard disk and hadn’t made a copy.’

‘My husband’s an idiot he keeps telling his beer buddies he married me for my money.’

Do these complaints sound familiar?

There was a study once upon a time that said that the female species are a more intelligent lot, and that women almost always consistently performed better in school. Is there any truth to these statements?

If my Husband’s an Idiot’ then I Must be the Smart One!

We stumbled upon a cool article on a web site that didn’t give the author’s name the title of the article was ‘Are Women Smarter than Men?’ and it simply said, ’emailed to me by my friend Marvin.’ The article writer said that it was the kind of article that Dave Barry would write not that we know who Dave Barry is.

Anyway, we mentioned earlier that men are like schoolboys who never seem to grow up. This article insists that men are from ‘well’ just school; women, however are from grad school. It’s because men would just spew out simple, straight answers when asked a question whereas women would give a well-researched answer almost to the point of sounding terribly scholarly. True academics some women are.

An example: if a man walks into a shoe shop and the clerk asks, ‘what’s your shoe size, sir?’ His answer would be 11. Or a 10.5. Nothing else. On the other hand, if a woman walks into a shoe store, she won’t give you her shoe size right away. She’ll mostly likely ask:

  • what’s the top made of?
  • how high is the heel?
  • does it have good cushion soles?
  • is this genuine leather or faux leather?
  • where is it made?
  • was child labor used to make this shoe?
  • how many colors do you have?
  • why does the buckle have to be that large?
  • do you have a softer beige?
  • how do I clean them?
  • what if I leave them out overnight?
  • are they durable, comfortable, organic, green, natural?
  • Try making a soft sell to a woman.

A man knows the difference between black and white colors. A woman? She can tell the difference between bone white, navajo white, off white and eggshell white, the article said. If they’re that detailed, no wonder they think that all men are such simpletons. If men’s brains get to warm the bench, women’s brains get a full cardiovascular workout, the article also said.

Chuckle

One day a good friend was complaining. ‘I’m dumbfounded. My husband has all kinds of degrees. He’s got 2 doctorates. But why is it I can’t get him to understand basic instructions? We were going to join some friends in the club for a round of golf. I told him not to bother with my golf bag, I’d carry it myself as soon as I cleared the trunk of groceries. He picks up my bag and his and I stop him and say that he’s not going to make it past the narrow alleyway with 2 golf bags in tow. He ignores me. He says, watch me. Before I know it, the entire wall had scratches, he knocked off some crystal and getting to the garage, one golf bag fell and hit the garage door. There’s a huge dent. I just about lost my appetite for golf.’

We have a funny theory about men’s brains: if they’re often deprived of sex, the y don’t get the oxygen to their brains and blood circulation is slow. Maybe that’s why they’re not thinking straight. Their minds are on something else.

Can any scientist prove this theory? Because really, how do you explain that idiocy in men? Maybe the only way to find out is to put the theory to a test. If women didn’t say ‘not tonight, I have a headache’ too frequently, would that make men smarter? You can’t make a man happy only through his tummy, you have to give him his basic need.

One writer said that men are smarter than women, but they’re twice as stupid. Is this contradictory, or is this fact?

Who knows?

Women love men, hate them, love them again. And perhaps they can’t live without men, no matter how insufficient their gray matter is. What’s great is that even if your husband’s an idiot, he will take the garbage out, change your flat tire and uncork champagne the right way!

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26 comments

Irinka June 21, 2015 at 3:48 PM

I have to believe that this article is true based on my experience with my husband. I am positive just about every wife out there will agree with me. I have been married 5 yrs now and for the most part my husband is really great. Sometimes though he has his idiotic moments. Today is a perfect example of what I mean. My husband occassionally does grocery shopping for me and I try to make the list as simple as possible so there wont be any confusion. Well for me the list is pretty self explanatory but of course for my husband you really have to break it down to very easy terms. He clearly knows that I dont buy laundry detergent that has perfumes or dyes (we use same detergent for our clothes and baby clothes). On the list I wrote down “tide” meaning we need laundry detergent and not the brand Tide. And what do you think he buys? The brand tide which he knows I dont use! What was he thinking?! I think thats the problem with men: they dont think; they are on auto-pilot. If they just used their God-given brain it would make women happier! It wont hurt them to use just an ounce of brain matter! Seriously. From my experience I didnt see any difference with my husbands’ mind working better after sex. Seems to be the same to me. All the time! One thing that makes it better is talking it over after such frustrating situations. He seems to remember it better and usually it doesnt happen twice. So there’s hope! But I still love my husband dearly because he knows how to ask forgiveness even after idiotic moments! Nobody is perfect and I have my faults too!

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Asa Akira December 21, 2015 at 8:58 AM

That’s confusing…. You should just wrote detergent. I’m a woman and I even find that confusing. Do you expect him to read your mind? He doesn’t know if I all off a sudden decided to try a new brand of something… Helloooo lady

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Jade July 1, 2016 at 5:43 AM

You’re a moron.

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Carol May 3, 2018 at 5:29 PM

No. Asa Akira is right.

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Jen February 17, 2016 at 7:13 AM

For me even I wrote the brand or just detergent for laundry my idoit husband can get it wrong. And blady lazy. He thinks wife are maid to him. If you have the type like mine, you will want a divorce.

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Carol May 3, 2018 at 5:30 PM

I think about that daily!!!29

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Cammy May 19, 2016 at 7:40 PM

The more important question is, what kind of women are raising boys to become such morons. How do we stop this cycle? While I am grateful that my father and brother (the first 2 men in my life I spent time with) are incredibly intelligent, confident, self-sufficient, respectful, street-smart, considerate, they have a brain and use it, men….how I married an idiot? I will never know.
In the 7 years my husband and I have been together I’ve made it clear that I don’t like spicy food. Over the years, if we go to a restaurant that ask what hot level you want your food, my answer is always an adamant: ZERO, zilch, negative, none etc. Often, we’ll order separate dishes because my husband likes spicy food, or a dish with zero spice so that we can share. When we cook at home, some times we set aside a dish so that we he can add his hot spices, or cook in more than 1 pan to include his hot spices. We were out one day running errands, we hadn’t eaten much all day and got home starving, I offered to cook, then my husband offered to cook, I said I’d do it, then my husband ended up cooking. We both agreed on having home made soup. Which takes a while to begin with but it’s what we were both craving. Finally the soup is done, am I ready to eat!! I take my first spoonful and ask my husband, does this have hot spice? It taste hot! His reply “Just a little bit”.

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Jade July 1, 2016 at 6:28 AM

Maybe he figured it was time for you to grow up?

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Aquaria July 10, 2016 at 11:41 AM

Maybe it’s time for inconsiderate trash like you to stay away from all human contact.

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Weronika August 2, 2019 at 3:57 AM

I married an idiot , he is like my third child I have to take care of. I”m getting to the point I want out and divorce him! He is stressing me so much because of his stupidity, and it’s starting effecting my health.
Dose every man is an idiot ?

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sad May 30, 2016 at 8:39 PM

Pretty sure my husband is THE dumbest of all. After fourteen years of marriage I am starting to despise him.

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John June 30, 2016 at 6:49 PM

My wife is the most idiotic person I have ever come across. She can’t mow the lawn, fix the plumbing, or buy me the right sized drill. How many times have I asked her to get me a 1/4” drill bit and she comes back with a 3/8 inch drill bit. Dumb, dumb, dumb. What were her parents thinking about raising a girl who can’t even change the oil in my car (or even the tire). We had a deer run through our yard the other day and I asked her to go shoot, skin, and cook it for dinner. She didn’t even know where the gun was. Why did I ever marry such a wretched fool?

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Fanny December 12, 2017 at 6:04 PM

My husband can’t tell the difference between a Phillips and a flat head. He sure as hell wouldn’t get you the right drill bit. If -you- can do any of these things at all yourself, you probably don’t have a wife.

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Sage thinker July 1, 2016 at 2:51 AM

Lol, This article has to be a joke men have a bigger brain than women and men use 6.5% more grey matter to think, Every thing you see around you was invented by men, by any measure women are more stupid than men by far, There is a reason why 95% of Nobel prize winners are men.

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Aquaria July 10, 2016 at 11:45 AM

Having a larger brain doesn’t means smarter, stupid. Whales have bigger brains than you, but they aren’t smarter, either.

Using more gray matter is not a sign of intelligence. It is just as likely a sign of inefficency in the neurocircuitry. Do you have EVIDENCE that they use it for good, or are they like you, using it to be stupid?

Furthermore, women didn’t get to invent things because men were so threatened by us that they didn’t allow us even to be educated for most of human history, and we still face numerous roadblocks to having our ideas accepted, never mind respected.

Having thousands of years of affirmative action insuring that dolts like you could look smarter than you will ever be is absolutely ZERO evidence that you’re smarter than we are, sexist slime.

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Sage thinker July 10, 2016 at 5:06 PM

It’s you women that need affirmative action to compete not us men, While men are busy winning Nobel prizes and building great companies like Microsoft, Apple and facebook you women can only blame men or or patriarchy for why most women are too stupid to change a car tire.

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Jade July 1, 2016 at 6:25 AM

Of course men don’t waste energy on such irrelevant and trivial details as how best to clean a pair of shoes he likely won’t even buy, when asked what size he is, he can research it later, and then he won’t have some sales rep handing him a pack of lies just to make a sale (he also won’t be so naive to believe the bs they hand him). Men are too busy thinking about important matters, such as how to pay the bills, procure nourishment & shelter for their partners (some of which are ungrateful simpleton, as evidenced by the author of this ‘article’ as well as some of the comments here. Energy production (enjoy that laptop you’re using?), Food production or processing, manufacture of transportation, electronic devices and most major Scientific achievements . Even keeping you from getting hosed on that car deal (hey, guess what? He saw through the bullshit & knew more about the car than you did).

So really, who are the idiots here? Without a doubt: feminists.

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Michael Cochrane October 8, 2016 at 2:09 PM

how about WE write one stating why our wives and girlfriends are idiots? and then list reasons like:

Cleaning the house before the cleaning lady comes over
toilet paper HAS to go over the roll not under
freak out because the dreaded toilet seat is UP (it goes up and down, it isn’t rocket science)
there is such a thing as “good” towels and “useable” towels
12 years in and there’s still vacuum cleaner marks in the main living room because us common folk aren’t allowed to use it….
and the biggest one?
You watch soap operas….that’s enough in and of itself….

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Lonely May 5, 2017 at 3:27 PM

When I was in labor delivering our first baby, he talked about how similar it is to the cows on his farm growing up. I never said a word or complained. Next delivery there were serious complications, baby’s life was in danger, and he left in the middle to go to work. If I ever dare complain then he walks out and says he is going to the office because it is so awful being around me. The rejection I get from him is painful. I don’t have a right to speak. When I said I was burnt out from overload at work, he ignored me. One time I said I was so lonely, he told me not to talk about it, so I left and went to his sisters house. When he got there he beat me.

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not stupid November 4, 2017 at 10:02 AM

Men aren’t stupid. They are opportunists. When a situation arises that they can excel at and show off or show up someone else they will. If an argument isn’t going their way, they change the subject or try to confuse the issue. If they don’t want to do something they act dumb or screw it up on purpose. The list goes on. Men and women are different. That’s just the way it is. If you have a grievance with them don’t keep them around. Men if you think women are stupid, don’t keep them around. But yet we all do. Well I don’t. I am an opportunist too. I see my opportunity to be free from relationships with men. I made the mistake of getting married and I am learning from that huge life error. I can’t handle stupid. Whether it’s from a man or a woman is irrelevant. Stupid is stupid.

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Giselle September 12, 2018 at 12:07 AM

My husband is an idiot, but it bit him in the ass.

He wanted me to bake him his favorite cake for his birthday, so I gladly obliged. I work nearly 65 hours a week, so after a 13 hour shift at work, I went to the store, bought the ingredients for his cake, and began to bake it. As soon as I put the cake in the oven, I realized I needed something else for the filling, so I asked him to please just take the cake pans out of the oven when the timer went off while I ran to the store across the street to grab what I needed. I got stuck behind delayed traffic, and texted him again to remind him to take the cakes out, while he decided to ignore the timer. For 30 minutes, I got home to a smoke-reeking house and a husband playing on his computer 15 FEET FROM THE SMOKING OVEN.. I had to rush in with the groceries, run to the oven and take the blackened rocks out of the oven while he looked over and asked what was wrong. Like the smoke everywhere was just a normal occurrence.

He then had the audacity to ask why I burned the cake so badly i had to throw it away.

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Fanny December 12, 2017 at 6:18 PM

My husband just graduated college at age 40 making absolutely sure we started our marriage off in 46,000 dollars in debt.

I don’t blame all men for the wussy mamma’s boy who will likely be my ex-husband. Literally, a history major who constantly can’t tell the difference between toilet paper and paper towels.

He’s digging us deeper into debt every day, saying that he needed a reward for working hard. Even though his degree gets him a whopping 30k a year. I made the same amount as a line cook for a shitty restaurant. Pathetic.

I honestly blame my mother-in-law. She’s a self absorbed drama queen and made sure all five of her boys couldn’t cook, clean and wash their own clothes. I suspect that is what is really happening. The pussification of America.

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Emily February 3, 2018 at 3:42 PM

I’m the one that married a helpless oblivious man-child, so who’s really the idiot here? Getting married was an insane terrible mistake. I was perfectly happy before, too much Disney and Religion brainwashed me into thinking this BS was a good idea.

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calgary rip off June 24, 2018 at 12:10 AM

Having known women and my wife is enough to never want sex or anything from a woman again. Women are the enemy and to be avoided. Waste of space, time and money.

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Ryan October 21, 2018 at 2:50 PM

This has to be the most depressing and disturbing thing I have ever read. One lady writes “tide” on the shopping list and gets….well, Tide. From the rest of it I can understand why his mind doesn’t work better after sex. Another who terms it pathetic that her husband starts out with a new degree at age 40 (which is not easy) with the same rate of pay as her when she was a line cook. FYI, line cook = little or no potential, degree = some hope, at least. Then there’s the dumb ass with the nobel prize comments, which are pretty much about the dumbest statements ever. BUT, it’s then followed by a comment calling him sexist slime. While this may be true, you are defending an article that could never be confused as anything other than sexist, you sexist slimy bitch. My wife is better at a lot of things, and that is equally true for me. And yes, we annoy each other at times but I would NEVER bash her for it in a forum such as this – anonymous or not. Maybe the question you all should be asking is why they married you.

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John August 26, 2019 at 8:21 PM

They can’t be that stupid, got you all to marry them 🤣🤣

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