What is a person to do when they want a divorce, but their spouse doesn’t? This scenario can create a particularly sticky situation and make an already stressful divorce process even more complicated. Unfortunately, this happens to many people. One-half of the couple may have reached their breaking point, feeling completely over the marriage and unable to continue another day. When they finally present the idea of a split to their partner, they realize that their spouse doesn’t want a divorce.
Steps to Take When You Want a Divorce but Your Spouse Doesn’t
In this situation, the first step might be to listen to your partner. There’s always a possibility that they may have a change of heart, be willing to go to counseling, or even attempt to fix the marriage before deciding to end it. If you’re divorcing during a period of extreme anger or emotion, your spouse’s reluctance to divorce can actually work in your favor. It can slow down the process and give you time to calm down and think through your decisions more rationally.
On the other hand, if you are certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you want a divorce and nothing your spouse says or does will change your mind, here are some practical steps and helpful tips to guide you through this difficult transition.
First and foremost, get in touch with a divorce attorney. In most states, no-fault divorces are allowed. This may be important if you’ve simply fallen out of love or find that your differences are irreconcilable, but neither of you is truly to blame. If your partner has cheated or done something else that has sparked the immediate need for divorce, an attorney can help you determine the best next step.
If your spouse doesn’t agree to the divorce, the process becomes even more challenging. A lawyer can help ensure that you follow the law while keeping your best interests in mind. Remember, divorce can have long-lasting consequences, and an attorney will help you navigate all the potential ramifications before you move forward.
The next step is to leave. There are no laws that require married couples to live together. In many cases, when one person wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, domestic violence, constant fighting, and unpleasant living conditions can arise. For your safety and well-being, it may be best to leave the shared home (instead of asking your spouse to leave) to gain space and time to think through your options. Leaving also sends a clear message that you are serious about ending the marriage.
Once you’ve left, protecting marital assets becomes crucial. It’s not uncommon for a jilted partner to make impulsive financial decisions, sell valuable property, or even sabotage shared interests in an effort to retaliate. Many courts will place restrictions on both parties, making it illegal for either to make significant decisions regarding finances or assets until the divorce is finalized.
You should also seek to file your divorce petition as soon as possible. Even though your spouse may not agree with your decision, they cannot stop you from filing for divorce. There are different ways to file a divorce petition depending on where you live. Common methods include serving your partner in person (or having them served) with divorce papers, sending the papers via registered mail, or publishing a notice in your local newspaper’s legal section. After a certain period, if your partner does not respond, you may proceed with an ‘uncontested divorce.’
If your spouse does respond to the petition, there’s a good chance you’ll end up in court, where a judge will decide on all matters related to the divorce. This process can take years to resolve and can be both emotionally draining and expensive.
The ideal path is to try to have an honest conversation with your partner about why you are unhappy in the marriage. It may help to involve a third party, like a counselor or mediator, to facilitate clear and constructive communication between you both. Helping your spouse understand your feelings and reasons for wanting a divorce can sometimes assist them in coming to terms with the end of the marriage.
The best-case scenario for a couple seeking a divorce is to work out the details amicably—free from anger and hurt feelings—so that both individuals can move on with their lives in the best possible way. While this is not always feasible, it should always be the goal when petitioning for divorce.
